Deviation (Deviate Series) by Dani Morales

my body red and cry. I grab the loofa and start scrubbing every inch of my skin over and over again. The water is turning cold, numbing me, and reminding me that I’m still present. Reminding me that even though I scrubbed myself raw I still pimped my body out for the next fix. Reminding me that even though I couldn’t fight them off, I was still a whore.
    Knock knock knock.
    “Are you ok?” Worry. It’s pouring out of him.
    I’m not fine. I’m broken and the only way to fix that is to get a fix , to be able to forget again.
    “Obviously I’m not fine , Angel! Why are you bothering with me? Don’t you see that I’m going to drag you down and disappoint you? I’m going to break you Angel, can’t you see that? Just let me go, let me go destroy my own life,” I half scream and half whisper.
    I hear his head hit the door, “I’m coming in.”
    Before I can tell him no he’s walking through the door.
    “What the fuck , Angel? Get the hell out of here!” I yell bringing my knees up to cover my boobs and use my feet to block my womanhood.
    He reaches in with eyes closed and turns off the water. He grabs the black robe that was on the back of the door and holds it out for me. I slip it on. The tips of Angel’s fingers brush my shoulders causing a shiver to run through me and a gasp to escape my mouth. Not able to tie the robe, Angel opens his lidded eyes to do it for me.
    Fire , my skin is on fire. It’s radiating out from where his fingers touched me. The way his eyes are roaming over my body is causing my muscles to tighten in expectation and desire to pool between my legs.
    Clearing his throat, “ listen to me now, and listen well, because this is the last time I will be telling you this. You are not trash. You will not destroy my life nor will you destroy your own. You are worth every minute I spend with you. You will not break me and I will not let you go. Do you understand me?”
    He’s standing in front of me with the most sincere expression I have ever seen on anybody. His words cause a spark of hope to develop within me. Maybe I can be this person he thinks I am. You’re nothing. You will never be anything. No one would be stupid enough to love you. You can’t be loved, you’re trash.
    “You’re a fool , Angel, to think that I can be anything more than an addict. I will break your heart. It’s only a matter of when,” and with that I walk out of the bathroom.
    I don’t stop. I just keep walking to the kitchen, open the fridge, grab a bottle of water and walk out the French doors. I take a sip of water and then I gulp the entire bottle down. I’m standing on a deck with a breathtaking view of a garden. There’s a pool to the right with lounge chairs and a path that leads toward the back. I walk along the path, the warmth of the stone sinking into the soles of my feet, and the rays of sun heat my face. I reach the gazebo at the end of the path and breathe in the fresh air. Sunflowers, daisies, tulips, and all kinds of flowers I have never seen before surround me. Peacefulness invades every molecule, relaxing me in a natural way that I never dreamed possible.
    I walk back towards the pool, wishing I had a suit. Not that I can get in with my cast but I wouldn’t mind laying out tanning. I detour from the rocks , walking in the grass instead. I run my hand over some of the flowers lightly, taking in the softness of the petals. I can breathe out here. There’s no one to tell me how ugly I am or how I’m not worth anything. It’s like a sanctuary, a dream. I reach the pool and sit down on the ledge allowing my feet to be submerged in the warm water. My eyes close as the glare from the sun reflects off the water. I feel his presence behind me as he places a bottle next to me. I open one eye as I turn my head to the right. He’s retreating back to the deck and then he’s gone.
    Lying back while my feet swirl in the water , I allow myself a moment to dwell. Probably not the brightest idea but