mistress all to be able to have his cake and eat it too. And I fell right into it, she thought, I should have known he was too good to be true.
Rita had been rubbing Monica on her back as she cried. “It’s going to be all right. Once you talk to Carlos and hear what he has to say about this, and you calm down some, I bet he’ll clear this up, and we’ll all look back at this day and laugh. Just put the book on hold until after you talk to your husband. It could all be a misunderstanding,” Rita said, desperate to comfort her friend.
Monica shook her head from left to right and mumbled, “I have to know everything before I approach him.”
Straightening up and wiping away her tears with her trembling hands, she retrieved the diary from between her knees and opened it again.
Her voice shaking uncontrollably and light tears escaping her eyes, she read, “ ‘March 30th, 2003. Dear Diary: I thought I would be over Carlos after not having any dealings with him for so long. After that night in my apartment, back in October, I didn’t want shit to do with his crazy ass. And I guess the feeling was mutual because he hasn’t called me at all. He didn’t even call to see if I had went through with terminating my pregnancy. I’m glad though. He probably would have really killed me after seeing that I never got the abortion. I was almost six months pregnant when I finally consulted a doctor, and he talked me out of it. Thank God. He said I was too far along and it would be too risky. He went over all of my other options, and adoption seemed to be the best thing for the baby and me. So for the remainder of my pregnancy I avoided Carlos. I couldn’t let him see me pregnant. I was fearful of what he might do. But I wish I didn’t have to go through that experience alone. I had terrible morning, noon, and night sickness in my first trimester. Then in my third trimester, I developed what they call gestational diabetes. I was considered high-risk and had to eat a special diet and give myself finger pricks to check my sugar all the time. Then, on top of all that, I was depressed, wishing I hadn’t made the mistake of involving a child in my mess. As bad as I wanted a baby, I regretted getting pregnant under such fucked-up circumstances. I beat myself up about it. I was miserable, and I felt so alone. I didn’t have anyone in my corner. And the couple of people who may have been helpful, like my sister and my housekeeper, I avoided out of embarrassment. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was pregnant, especially by a married man who wanted nothing to do with my baby. I thought I could get through the nine months and give the baby up without anybody ever knowing. Then I had the nerve to believe I could just get on withmy life as if it never happened. I was so wrong. I had Carla Sabrina on March 11th, 2003, at three o’clock in the morning. She was adorable. I never thought I could love another human being as much I loved that baby. For a few seconds after having her I forgot about everything. Looking down at her in my arms, it felt like all my problems had disappeared. I forgot about Carlos and all the bullshit he put me through. I forgot about my recent depression, and I even forgot about agreeing to adoption. Well, maybe I just suppressed all of that. When it came time to give my daughter up, I cried for three days straight. It was the biggest mistake of my life. And to think it was all for a man who could care less about me. Now, I have to live with this—and I have to live with it alone.’ ”
Chapter 6
Angela was sitting on a park bench with her legs crossed and arms folded, watching her fellow residents who were gathered in a circle, clapping their hands, swaying side to side, and chanting, “Go Peggy, go Peggy, go!” to the beat of Rob Base’s “It Takes Two.”
She was bored. She couldn’t believe that she was spending a beautiful Labor Day institutionalized. She would have much rather been at home trying
Rita had been rubbing Monica on her back as she cried. “It’s going to be all right. Once you talk to Carlos and hear what he has to say about this, and you calm down some, I bet he’ll clear this up, and we’ll all look back at this day and laugh. Just put the book on hold until after you talk to your husband. It could all be a misunderstanding,” Rita said, desperate to comfort her friend.
Monica shook her head from left to right and mumbled, “I have to know everything before I approach him.”
Straightening up and wiping away her tears with her trembling hands, she retrieved the diary from between her knees and opened it again.
Her voice shaking uncontrollably and light tears escaping her eyes, she read, “ ‘March 30th, 2003. Dear Diary: I thought I would be over Carlos after not having any dealings with him for so long. After that night in my apartment, back in October, I didn’t want shit to do with his crazy ass. And I guess the feeling was mutual because he hasn’t called me at all. He didn’t even call to see if I had went through with terminating my pregnancy. I’m glad though. He probably would have really killed me after seeing that I never got the abortion. I was almost six months pregnant when I finally consulted a doctor, and he talked me out of it. Thank God. He said I was too far along and it would be too risky. He went over all of my other options, and adoption seemed to be the best thing for the baby and me. So for the remainder of my pregnancy I avoided Carlos. I couldn’t let him see me pregnant. I was fearful of what he might do. But I wish I didn’t have to go through that experience alone. I had terrible morning, noon, and night sickness in my first trimester. Then in my third trimester, I developed what they call gestational diabetes. I was considered high-risk and had to eat a special diet and give myself finger pricks to check my sugar all the time. Then, on top of all that, I was depressed, wishing I hadn’t made the mistake of involving a child in my mess. As bad as I wanted a baby, I regretted getting pregnant under such fucked-up circumstances. I beat myself up about it. I was miserable, and I felt so alone. I didn’t have anyone in my corner. And the couple of people who may have been helpful, like my sister and my housekeeper, I avoided out of embarrassment. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was pregnant, especially by a married man who wanted nothing to do with my baby. I thought I could get through the nine months and give the baby up without anybody ever knowing. Then I had the nerve to believe I could just get on withmy life as if it never happened. I was so wrong. I had Carla Sabrina on March 11th, 2003, at three o’clock in the morning. She was adorable. I never thought I could love another human being as much I loved that baby. For a few seconds after having her I forgot about everything. Looking down at her in my arms, it felt like all my problems had disappeared. I forgot about Carlos and all the bullshit he put me through. I forgot about my recent depression, and I even forgot about agreeing to adoption. Well, maybe I just suppressed all of that. When it came time to give my daughter up, I cried for three days straight. It was the biggest mistake of my life. And to think it was all for a man who could care less about me. Now, I have to live with this—and I have to live with it alone.’ ”
Chapter 6
Angela was sitting on a park bench with her legs crossed and arms folded, watching her fellow residents who were gathered in a circle, clapping their hands, swaying side to side, and chanting, “Go Peggy, go Peggy, go!” to the beat of Rob Base’s “It Takes Two.”
She was bored. She couldn’t believe that she was spending a beautiful Labor Day institutionalized. She would have much rather been at home trying
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