Diary of a Nerd King #2: The Complete 2nd Season - Episodes 1 to 8 by Matt Ballard Page A
Authors: Matt Ballard
Tags: kids
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that was on her face. I mean, there might have been a bit of amazement there, yeah, but the BIG thing that I saw on her face was pride. She was proud of me!
Of course, I was never going to be able to tell anyone what my secret is. NO ONE can EVER know what really happened. If word got out that the secret to my wicked awesome singing is that I envision myself singing as a girl, I’d be done for.
I doubt even Boogie would speak to me. I mean, he might want to, but he wouldn’t be able to because of what would happen to him if he did. It’s that whole guilt by association thing again, like why I couldn’t let Tabi get on the zit face list.
Being a kid can be REALLY tough. It’s a pretty hard game to play. The rules can be really brutal, but hey, it’s the only game we’ve got. What else are you gonna do about it?
Like my Uncle Dan is always saying, “Suck it up Buttercup.” (I’m not even totally sure what that means, but it sounds cool when you say it, especially if you say it like Uncle Dan does, and I think it actually fits in a situation like this.)
Wednesday
Boogie and I found a new YouTube star to watch today. His name’s Ed Bassmaster, and he’s absolutely hilarious!
We found him when we were doing some more research on farts and farting. Ed is like the KING of making farts and farting funny so he came up in the top results of our YouTube searches.
There’s this one video where Ed does call “ Farting in the Library ” where he walks around the library and uses a fart machine to make really real sounding farting sounds when he bends over or stops by someone. It’s TOTALLY hilarious! You really have to watch it to see the looks on people’s faces!
Ed uses this wicked awesome fart machine called a pooter . It’s probably the BEST farting device I’ve ever seen! It sounds totally real. You’d swear someone was actually farting, and some of the farts sound totally brutal!
Ed Bassmaster does a bunch of other videos on farting too. They’re all pretty funny. Ed’s also got like 5 or 6 characters he does that all do different things.
He’s got this one character, Mumbles, where he walks around mumbling at people, like he’s talking to them but they can’t understand him because it’s all mumbles. It’s really funny, and you get to see everybody’s reactions too which makes it even funnier!
Another of Ed’s characters that I really like is The Hacker. He walks around talking to people, and then starts hacking away in the middle of saying something, like he’s got really bad smoker’s cough or something. (Dad says smoker’s cough is what they call it when people who are dumb enough to smoke get a really bad hacking cough from smoking).
All of Ed’s videos are pretty funny, but we watched the farting ones over again because they’re part of our research. Boogie and I figure if we can basically do our own version of the “ Farting in the Library ” video, then we’ll have a hit. Ed has like over 3 million views so far, so we’re thinking if we do one, we should be able to get at least that.
It’s pretty awesome to think we’re gonna get rich from farting. Who would’ve ever thunk! Maybe we’ll have to get t-shirts made up with a can of beans on them or something. On the back it could say “Bean, beans, the magical fruit.”
We’d probably leave off the rest because it’s funnier if the shirt just says the first line. Plus the whole poem is a little long to put on a shirt.
Bean, beans, the magical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So eat your beans at every meal.
Or you might have heard a different variation.
Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So let's eat beans with every
Of course, I was never going to be able to tell anyone what my secret is. NO ONE can EVER know what really happened. If word got out that the secret to my wicked awesome singing is that I envision myself singing as a girl, I’d be done for.
I doubt even Boogie would speak to me. I mean, he might want to, but he wouldn’t be able to because of what would happen to him if he did. It’s that whole guilt by association thing again, like why I couldn’t let Tabi get on the zit face list.
Being a kid can be REALLY tough. It’s a pretty hard game to play. The rules can be really brutal, but hey, it’s the only game we’ve got. What else are you gonna do about it?
Like my Uncle Dan is always saying, “Suck it up Buttercup.” (I’m not even totally sure what that means, but it sounds cool when you say it, especially if you say it like Uncle Dan does, and I think it actually fits in a situation like this.)
Wednesday
Boogie and I found a new YouTube star to watch today. His name’s Ed Bassmaster, and he’s absolutely hilarious!
We found him when we were doing some more research on farts and farting. Ed is like the KING of making farts and farting funny so he came up in the top results of our YouTube searches.
There’s this one video where Ed does call “ Farting in the Library ” where he walks around the library and uses a fart machine to make really real sounding farting sounds when he bends over or stops by someone. It’s TOTALLY hilarious! You really have to watch it to see the looks on people’s faces!
Ed uses this wicked awesome fart machine called a pooter . It’s probably the BEST farting device I’ve ever seen! It sounds totally real. You’d swear someone was actually farting, and some of the farts sound totally brutal!
Ed Bassmaster does a bunch of other videos on farting too. They’re all pretty funny. Ed’s also got like 5 or 6 characters he does that all do different things.
He’s got this one character, Mumbles, where he walks around mumbling at people, like he’s talking to them but they can’t understand him because it’s all mumbles. It’s really funny, and you get to see everybody’s reactions too which makes it even funnier!
Another of Ed’s characters that I really like is The Hacker. He walks around talking to people, and then starts hacking away in the middle of saying something, like he’s got really bad smoker’s cough or something. (Dad says smoker’s cough is what they call it when people who are dumb enough to smoke get a really bad hacking cough from smoking).
All of Ed’s videos are pretty funny, but we watched the farting ones over again because they’re part of our research. Boogie and I figure if we can basically do our own version of the “ Farting in the Library ” video, then we’ll have a hit. Ed has like over 3 million views so far, so we’re thinking if we do one, we should be able to get at least that.
It’s pretty awesome to think we’re gonna get rich from farting. Who would’ve ever thunk! Maybe we’ll have to get t-shirts made up with a can of beans on them or something. On the back it could say “Bean, beans, the magical fruit.”
We’d probably leave off the rest because it’s funnier if the shirt just says the first line. Plus the whole poem is a little long to put on a shirt.
Bean, beans, the magical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So eat your beans at every meal.
Or you might have heard a different variation.
Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So let's eat beans with every
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