Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie

Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie by Jeff Norton

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Authors: Jeff Norton
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earned it,’ he said, as they disappeared into the darkness.
    I had no idea what they were talking about but as soon as they were gone, Corina skulked off. Nesto and I followed her into the woods.
    ‘Hey,’ I whispered. ‘Are you okay?’
    She stopped and turned. ‘I don’t appreciate being spied on.’
    ‘Corina,’ I said. ‘We weren’t spying, we were looking for you. I was worried.’
    ‘I’m fine,’ she said with a huff.
    ‘You’re not fine,’ I said.
    ‘Adam thought you were going to go all-you-can-eat on that busload of kids.’
    I looked at Nesto and tilted my head accusingly. ‘Way to throw me under the bus.’
    ‘You think that little of me, Adam?’ asked Corina. ‘Listen, Adam, I appreciate your concern, but I just needed some time alone, not to be stalked.’
    ‘I stalk because I care,’ I said.
    ‘Yeah, I care too,’ said Nesto, then turned back to me to whisper, ‘What are we caring so much about?’
    ‘You boys have fun,’ said Corina. ‘I’m going to bed, for real.’
    With that, she took the path back towards the tents and faded from sight, leaving Nesto and me under the starry sky.
    ‘Go on,’ I said. ‘Go get your s’mores.’
    ‘Really?’ he asked excitedly.
    I nodded, claiming, ‘I’ll be along in a few minutes.’ Something else was troubling me even more than a moody, hungry vampire. Something just didn’t seem right with Camp Nowannakidda and I wanted to find out more.

11
In Which I Find Too Many Shoes
    I sneaked back into the clearing where the campers had loaded onto the bus. It was covered in gravel and each footstep made a scratchy sound. I stepped as softly as I could. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, except for not joining in the campfire, but I still didn’t want to get caught.
    At the far left of the clearing, I spotted a barn that I hadn’t noticed before. It was painted dark red and from up close blocked out the stars.  I didn’t hear any animals mooing or clucking inside, so I decided to take a peek.
    The barn door was huge and looked like it could fit the whole bus inside. As quietly as I could I lifted the heavy steel latch and slid the door aside. It was pitch-dark inside, but a musty smell hit me like I was in a second-hand clothes shop.
    I had recently become a customer of those placeswhen I was forced to buy back some of my favourite clothes. My mom had donated all of my clothes when she (wrongly, though understandably) assumed I wasn’t coming back from the dead. But when I did, I bought back my favourite pair of no-iron jeans, an off-white button-down shirt, and my limited edition NinjaMan necktie (for special occasions, like should I ever get invited to a NinjaMan movie premiere), but I couldn’t find my collection of MetaWars socks. Seriously, who buys second-hand socks?
    I couldn’t see anything in the dark but curiosity compelled me to see what was inside. I fumbled for a light switch and finally, three overhead bulbs clicked on, revealing piles of clothes, shoes, and yes, even socks. My nose had been right, it was like a goodwill shop without the clothes racks or elevator music.
    I stood there, frozen and confused. I didn’t understand why hundreds, thousands probably, of kids’ shirts, shorts, shoes, and socks were piled up in some creepy barn. I wondered, Where were their owners?
    I suddenly felt very afraid and very alone.
    ‘Doing some late-night shopping?’ called a girl’s voice behind me.
    It turned out I wasn’t alone.
    ‘Or snooping?’ she added.
    I turned to see Lana, the camp counsellor who had loaded the senior campers onto their magical-mystery bus, silhouetted in the square doorway.
    ‘You startled me,’ I said, suddenly afraid.
    ‘And you surprised me,’ she said.
    ‘I, um, wanted to wave off the campers,’ I lied. ‘You know, give them one final standing ovation for their amazing talent show.’
    ‘That’ll be you in two weeks,’ she said. ‘I’m Lana.’
    ‘Oh, I’m Adam, Adam Meltzer. This is my

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