Die Again
when I’m hauling around people who don’t know a rifle from a walking stick.”
    “So teach me . I’ll help you stand watch.” Richard looks around at the rest of us, as if to confirm that he’s the only one who’s man enough for the task.
    Mr. Matsunaga says, “I know how to shoot. I can take watch, too.”
    We all look at the Japanese banker, whose only shooting skills we’ve witnessed so far have been with his mile-long telephoto lens.
    Richard can’t suppress a disbelieving laugh. “You do mean real guns, Isao?”
    “I belong to the Tokyo shooting club,” says Mr. Matsunaga, unruffled by Richard’s snide tone. He points to his wife and adds, to our astonishment, “Keiko, she belongs, too.”
    “I’m glad that lets me off the hook,” says Elliot. “ ’Cause I don’t even want to touch the damn thing.”
    “So you see, we have enough hands on deck,” Richard says to Johnny. “We can take turns on watch and keep the fire going all night. This is what a real safari’s all about, isn’t it? Rising to the occasion. Proving our mettle.”
    Oh yes, Richard the expert, who spends his year sitting so heroically at his computer, spinning testosterone-fueled fantasies. Now those fantasies have come true, and he can play the hero of his own thriller. Best of all, he has an audience that includes two gorgeous blondes, who are the ones he’s really playing to, because I’m past the point of being impressed by him, and he knows it.
    “A pretty speech, but it changes nothing. Pack up your things, we’re headed east.” Johnny walks away to take down his tent.
    “Thank God he’s ending this,” says Elliot.
    “He has to.” Richard snorts. “Now that he’s bloody well botched it.”
    “You can’t blame him for what happened to Clarence.”
    “Who’s ultimately responsible? He hired a tracker he’s never worked with before.” Richard turns to me. “That’s what Clarence told you. Said he’d never worked with Johnny until this trip.”
    “But they had connections,” I point out. “And Clarence worked as a tracker before. Johnny wouldn’t have hired him if he wasn’t experienced.”
    “That’s what you’d think , but look what happened. Our so-called experienced tracker puts down his rifle and walks into a pack of hyenas. Does that sound like someone who knew what he was doing?”
    “What’s the point of all this, Richard?” Elliot asks wearily.
    “The point is, we can’t trust his judgment. That’s all I’m saying.”
    “Well, I think Johnny’s right. We can’t just carry on , as you put it. A dead man kind of ruins the mood, you know?” Elliot turns toward his tent. “It’s time to get out of here and go home.”
    Home . As I stuff clothes and toiletries into my duffel bag, I think about London and gray skies and cappuccino. In ten days, Africa will seem like a golden-hued dream, a place of heat and glaring sunlight, life and death in all its vivid colors. Yesterday I wanted nothing more than to be back home in our flat, in the land of hot showers. But now that we’re leaving the bush, I feel it holding on to me, its tendrils winding around my ankles, threatening to root me to this soil. I zip up my knapsack, which contains the “essentials,” all the things I thought I absolutely needed to survive in the wild: PowerBars and toilet paper, pre-moistened hand wipes and sunscreen, tampons and my mobile. How different the word essential seems when you’re beyond the reach of any phone tower.
    By the time Richard and I have packed up our tent, Johnny has already loaded up the truck with his own gear as well as the cooking equipment and camp chairs. We’ve all been amazingly quick, even Elliot, who struggled to dismantle his tent and needed Vivian and Sylvia to help him fold it. Clarence’s death hangs over us, stifling idle chatter, making us focus on our tasks. When I load our tent into the back of the truck, I notice the burlap bag with Clarence’s remains tucked beside

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