grazed me. He propped his head in one hand and
with the other, I don’t know. He didn’t touch me with it.
When reason returned, the aftershocks subsided and my
breathing returned to normal, he adjusted my skirt, very gentlemanly. “You
should go back to your cabin now.”
The intensity of my disappointment was incredible. I don’t
know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. Not a shove out the door. I don’t
know what I thought would happen. More. I wanted more. Didn’t he?
“Is that a command?” I asked. I sounded like a brat, I knew
that.
He was quiet for a moment. I thought I could feel him touch
my hair. “If it has to be.”
“That’s it?”
He sat up, took my hand and pulled me to my feet, too. I
wobbled, my knees weaker than I wanted him to know they were, but he steadied
me. My pleasure was quickly being overwritten with humiliation. He walked me to
the door, opened it for me. Such a gentleman.
In the moonlight I could see his face clearly, sweaty, his
eyes heavy with desire and something else. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to
push him back onto his bed, climb onto his hips. I wanted to make him hard
again and I wanted him inside of me. Didn’t he? Couldn’t he want those things
too?
He touched my face, lightly, not the way I wanted him too.
When had I become a girl who liked being touched? His thumb grazed my lips. For
a moment, I don’t know, I thought he was going to change his mind. He didn’t.
“Don’t come back here tomorrow, do you understand? It was
irresponsible on both our parts. I won’t let you in next time.”
I stepped down, out of his reach, shocked at the dismissal
in his voice, but he didn’t stop me. I didn’t want him to see the pain in my
face, but there was nothing I could do to hide it. He leaned against the door,
sweat glistening down his chest. He didn’t meet my eyes as he shut me out.
***
When Shannon crept into the cabin before dawn, I’d slept
only a little and what I had captured was troubled and slippery. How many days
had we been here? I couldn’t even keep track anymore. I was surprised when
Shannon tip-toed to the side of my bed and whispered my name.
“You’re awake?” she asked.
“Yeah. Look at you, sneaking home before dawn. Are
congratulations in order?”
I slid over in the already tiny bed and she crawled in next
to me. We were nose to nose on our sides and I could just make her out in the
dim moonlight. She smelled like wet earth and moss. Like her brother’s bed. The
thought cracked something in my chest.
She sighed and nuzzled her nose into my pillow. “He was so
gentle. I could have spent all night with him. Afterwards we walked through the
trees all the way to the ocean. We didn’t want to go back to the cabin in case
you and Cole…”
“Oh, no. No. I didn’t meet him. Not that he isn’t very
pretty, but…anyway. You harlot. Tell me everything.”
She laughed and lowered her voice as if there were a hundred
people listening just outside the windows. “I like sex. I’ve really wasted a
lot of time holding out. He’s so pretty, Jess. He’s got these spaces between
his belly button and thighs that are just so…wow.”
I smiled. I knew exactly the spot she meant. Wow indeed. “Is
this a one-time thing or should I expect you late every night?”
“Every night, I hope. We’re going for a run in the morning
on the beach before breakfast. He runs. Of course he does.”
“Did you tell him you don’t run?”
“No, I didn’t have the heart.” I laughed, she sighed. “Our
babies will be beautiful.”
“Where does he go to school?”
“California, like, the other side of the world from us. I’m
going to run away to L.A. You can come with me. We’ll live wantonly, get jobs
dancing in places with poles. I’ll call you Trixie North and you’ll call me
Stella Lee.”
As sad as I was feeling, as embarrassed and small and
unwanted, this made me smile. I thought maybe I could do anything if Shannon
went with
with the other, I don’t know. He didn’t touch me with it.
When reason returned, the aftershocks subsided and my
breathing returned to normal, he adjusted my skirt, very gentlemanly. “You
should go back to your cabin now.”
The intensity of my disappointment was incredible. I don’t
know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. Not a shove out the door. I don’t
know what I thought would happen. More. I wanted more. Didn’t he?
“Is that a command?” I asked. I sounded like a brat, I knew
that.
He was quiet for a moment. I thought I could feel him touch
my hair. “If it has to be.”
“That’s it?”
He sat up, took my hand and pulled me to my feet, too. I
wobbled, my knees weaker than I wanted him to know they were, but he steadied
me. My pleasure was quickly being overwritten with humiliation. He walked me to
the door, opened it for me. Such a gentleman.
In the moonlight I could see his face clearly, sweaty, his
eyes heavy with desire and something else. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to
push him back onto his bed, climb onto his hips. I wanted to make him hard
again and I wanted him inside of me. Didn’t he? Couldn’t he want those things
too?
He touched my face, lightly, not the way I wanted him too.
When had I become a girl who liked being touched? His thumb grazed my lips. For
a moment, I don’t know, I thought he was going to change his mind. He didn’t.
“Don’t come back here tomorrow, do you understand? It was
irresponsible on both our parts. I won’t let you in next time.”
I stepped down, out of his reach, shocked at the dismissal
in his voice, but he didn’t stop me. I didn’t want him to see the pain in my
face, but there was nothing I could do to hide it. He leaned against the door,
sweat glistening down his chest. He didn’t meet my eyes as he shut me out.
***
When Shannon crept into the cabin before dawn, I’d slept
only a little and what I had captured was troubled and slippery. How many days
had we been here? I couldn’t even keep track anymore. I was surprised when
Shannon tip-toed to the side of my bed and whispered my name.
“You’re awake?” she asked.
“Yeah. Look at you, sneaking home before dawn. Are
congratulations in order?”
I slid over in the already tiny bed and she crawled in next
to me. We were nose to nose on our sides and I could just make her out in the
dim moonlight. She smelled like wet earth and moss. Like her brother’s bed. The
thought cracked something in my chest.
She sighed and nuzzled her nose into my pillow. “He was so
gentle. I could have spent all night with him. Afterwards we walked through the
trees all the way to the ocean. We didn’t want to go back to the cabin in case
you and Cole…”
“Oh, no. No. I didn’t meet him. Not that he isn’t very
pretty, but…anyway. You harlot. Tell me everything.”
She laughed and lowered her voice as if there were a hundred
people listening just outside the windows. “I like sex. I’ve really wasted a
lot of time holding out. He’s so pretty, Jess. He’s got these spaces between
his belly button and thighs that are just so…wow.”
I smiled. I knew exactly the spot she meant. Wow indeed. “Is
this a one-time thing or should I expect you late every night?”
“Every night, I hope. We’re going for a run in the morning
on the beach before breakfast. He runs. Of course he does.”
“Did you tell him you don’t run?”
“No, I didn’t have the heart.” I laughed, she sighed. “Our
babies will be beautiful.”
“Where does he go to school?”
“California, like, the other side of the world from us. I’m
going to run away to L.A. You can come with me. We’ll live wantonly, get jobs
dancing in places with poles. I’ll call you Trixie North and you’ll call me
Stella Lee.”
As sad as I was feeling, as embarrassed and small and
unwanted, this made me smile. I thought maybe I could do anything if Shannon
went with
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