can carry him? Alex? Spence? Câmon, guys!
( The two bodybuilders of the class, who are always flexing their pecs and chugging protein shakes, stagger backward, holding their hands palm out as if warding off a vampire .)
ALEX . No way, man! You seen that leg? ( Sprints off, followed by Spence. )
EDIE ( calmly ). You guys are idiots. We canât move him. Iâll call nine-one-one while we wait for a teacher.
ME ( visibly relieved and shaking ). Yeah, yeah, thatâs right! We canât move him! We shouldnât! Nine-one-oneâ¦
( The camera is still on, but Spin isnât aiming it at Sanjiv anymore. All itâs recording is grass and shoes. Fortunately, the audio picks up everything.)
SPIN . Yeah, we just gotta wait for an ambulance, make him comfortable. ( Shouts down at Sanjiv, lying on the rocky ground in the driving rain. ) You comfortable, Sanjiv? You okay?
CHAN . Does he look comfortable, Spin? Turn that thing off. Look, everybody give me your hoodies. ( The camera clicks off. Everyone peels off their coats, and Chan stuffs one under Sanjivâs head and spreads the rest on top of him. We wait, shivering, for people who really know what the heck to do in a crisis .)
Conclusions: So, obviously, not everyone acts perfectly in a crisis. Not muscle guys, not even scientists. There are some interesting conclusions to be drawn from this case study.
1) To be a jerk, you usually have to do something deliberately jerkish. But sometimes, not doing anything makes you a jerk as well. While Alex didnât deliberately cause Sanjiv to go flying (it was clearly an accident), he still acted like a jerk because:
(a) he was more concerned with telling everyone it wasnât his fault than apologizing or helping Sanjiv;
(b) he actually blamed Sanjiv for causing the accident in the first place (which was a total lie); and
(c) given the chance to help Sanjiv (okay, I admit that carrying him into the school was a stupid idea, but thatâs beside the point), he didnât.
I would appreciate it if this scientific conclusion remained confidential. Both Alex and Spence, huge and surly at the best of times, are more belligerent than ever since the whole school saw them run away during this case study. We are all quietly enjoying their predicament, but the situation remains delicate.
2) Sometimes, being in a crowd makes you act more stupid (though not necessarily more jerkish) than you would normally act. For example, weâve all seen the shows, we all know you donât move people who are hideously injured. But itâs completely different when itâs real, when itâs your friend lying there.
We all stood there, kind of numb and paralyzed, waiting for somebody else to do something. Angela finally started the rescue ball rolling when she ran for help. While only Alex was really a jerk in this situation, lots of people didnât act perfectly. I myself regret my lack of scientific objectivity. But maybe thatâs the conclusionâin a crisis, whether there are jerks around or not, leave the crisis management to the professionals.
***A note on informed consent of participants to these scientific studies : Sanjiv agreed to let me use this video clip in my projectâI mean, after his operation, when his leg was fixed with hardware-store-sounding stuff like âscrews and plates.â It was only right to get his permission and possibly only legal. He actually seemed quite proud of his leg being involved in a groundbreaking scientific study.
I also got Maddieâs and Kaylieâs consent for the previous case study. (In fact, theyâre still so mad at Shay that they want me to turn Spinâs video over to the teacher as evidence that it was all Shayâs fault.) And as for Shay, Iâm taking âget lost, freakâ as acknowledgment, which is sort of like consent.
CHAPTER 9
Jerks at School
Although the events in the last chapter technically happened at school,
( The two bodybuilders of the class, who are always flexing their pecs and chugging protein shakes, stagger backward, holding their hands palm out as if warding off a vampire .)
ALEX . No way, man! You seen that leg? ( Sprints off, followed by Spence. )
EDIE ( calmly ). You guys are idiots. We canât move him. Iâll call nine-one-one while we wait for a teacher.
ME ( visibly relieved and shaking ). Yeah, yeah, thatâs right! We canât move him! We shouldnât! Nine-one-oneâ¦
( The camera is still on, but Spin isnât aiming it at Sanjiv anymore. All itâs recording is grass and shoes. Fortunately, the audio picks up everything.)
SPIN . Yeah, we just gotta wait for an ambulance, make him comfortable. ( Shouts down at Sanjiv, lying on the rocky ground in the driving rain. ) You comfortable, Sanjiv? You okay?
CHAN . Does he look comfortable, Spin? Turn that thing off. Look, everybody give me your hoodies. ( The camera clicks off. Everyone peels off their coats, and Chan stuffs one under Sanjivâs head and spreads the rest on top of him. We wait, shivering, for people who really know what the heck to do in a crisis .)
Conclusions: So, obviously, not everyone acts perfectly in a crisis. Not muscle guys, not even scientists. There are some interesting conclusions to be drawn from this case study.
1) To be a jerk, you usually have to do something deliberately jerkish. But sometimes, not doing anything makes you a jerk as well. While Alex didnât deliberately cause Sanjiv to go flying (it was clearly an accident), he still acted like a jerk because:
(a) he was more concerned with telling everyone it wasnât his fault than apologizing or helping Sanjiv;
(b) he actually blamed Sanjiv for causing the accident in the first place (which was a total lie); and
(c) given the chance to help Sanjiv (okay, I admit that carrying him into the school was a stupid idea, but thatâs beside the point), he didnât.
I would appreciate it if this scientific conclusion remained confidential. Both Alex and Spence, huge and surly at the best of times, are more belligerent than ever since the whole school saw them run away during this case study. We are all quietly enjoying their predicament, but the situation remains delicate.
2) Sometimes, being in a crowd makes you act more stupid (though not necessarily more jerkish) than you would normally act. For example, weâve all seen the shows, we all know you donât move people who are hideously injured. But itâs completely different when itâs real, when itâs your friend lying there.
We all stood there, kind of numb and paralyzed, waiting for somebody else to do something. Angela finally started the rescue ball rolling when she ran for help. While only Alex was really a jerk in this situation, lots of people didnât act perfectly. I myself regret my lack of scientific objectivity. But maybe thatâs the conclusionâin a crisis, whether there are jerks around or not, leave the crisis management to the professionals.
***A note on informed consent of participants to these scientific studies : Sanjiv agreed to let me use this video clip in my projectâI mean, after his operation, when his leg was fixed with hardware-store-sounding stuff like âscrews and plates.â It was only right to get his permission and possibly only legal. He actually seemed quite proud of his leg being involved in a groundbreaking scientific study.
I also got Maddieâs and Kaylieâs consent for the previous case study. (In fact, theyâre still so mad at Shay that they want me to turn Spinâs video over to the teacher as evidence that it was all Shayâs fault.) And as for Shay, Iâm taking âget lost, freakâ as acknowledgment, which is sort of like consent.
CHAPTER 9
Jerks at School
Although the events in the last chapter technically happened at school,
Similar Books
