are …”
“Rose!” I shouted.
“That’s right, rose quartz for my favorite girl—Lily Rose!”
He told me he had filled each bead with love and that when I wore them, they would remind me how much he loved me. He folded me inside a bear hug for a long time after that and reassured me that he would send me letters every week and call me whenever he could. I was to wear the necklace always, and when I needed Daddy’s love, it would be there.
I wish that had turned out to be true.
Every day after that, I hid behind the living room curtain, begging in my heart for him to drive up in his blue car. I missed him so much that I would have gone to China with him. Or maybe he’d come back just to be with me. I watched for the mailman every day, but whenever he came, Mommy would say there was no mail for me. The phone didn’t bring Daddy back either.
Last year, in one of the secret conversations we’d hold while gardening or in the hayfield, Mother told me that we had lived in Hyde Park because it was near the University of Chicago, where Daddy taught Chinese. When the divorce got messy, he took two years off to go to China.
When I was little, it made me so mad that he broke his promise that I ripped the calendar into little pieces. There was no way I could put it back together again and I was sure I could never get him back now, because I had destroyed his gift. But at least I still had the necklace. I would wear it as long as I could.
I press my cheek against the cold window until it feels numb. If only I could numb these memories. Stop it! I yell at myself inside. He left me. He’s a heathen. And it’s a sin to think about him. I force my attention back in the van just as Rachel skillfully navigates a hairpin turn on the mountain road.
It wasn’t long after Daddy left that Mother brought Reverend Ezekiel home for dinner one night. He was a traveling preacher and she wanted him to have a good meal while he was in Chicago gathering souls. He invited his wife to join him, and together they stayed another two weeks. By that time Mom believed in him fully and we went with him back to Arizona.
I watch Rachel maneuver the van around sharp curves and barely make it around a pile of rocks that had dropped from the mountain since we were here this morning. We collectively let out a sigh of relief when we’re safely back on the road again.
“I’ve been thinking about all your ideas for jewelry,” Rachel says now. “Since we already have the gemstone beads, let’s be as creative as possible and see how we do at the next flea market. As long as we make a good profit, I don’t think we need to report you to Community Concerns. What do you think, Mother Esther?”
“Well, I don’t know. I told her to put them down and she disobeyed. That sounds like an offense against the community to me.”
I hate that she’s talking about me as if I’m not here. “I’m very sorry that I didn’t put them down the minute you told me to, Mother Esther. But it truly wasn’t my intention to disobey. I simply got distracted and didn’t realize I was still holding them.”
“Your disobedience cost us more than money, dear. It cost us so much time, having to select the findings and clasps and—everything—that we could combine with your gemstones.”
“You’re right,” I say, feeling humble and physically weak. I don’t dare beg for her not to report me because then she’d have the begging to report.
“I’m not saying that Eva shouldn’t be punished,” Rachel says. “But you know that the punishment will depend on how great the loss is to the community, and we won’t know that until after the next flea market. If we had to buy expensive beads and can’t sell the jewelry made from them, it will be a different matter than if we sell them easily and instead of losing money actually make money.”
Esther is silent for a moment.”I guess we could wait and see,” she says. “It will give me time to pray about
“Rose!” I shouted.
“That’s right, rose quartz for my favorite girl—Lily Rose!”
He told me he had filled each bead with love and that when I wore them, they would remind me how much he loved me. He folded me inside a bear hug for a long time after that and reassured me that he would send me letters every week and call me whenever he could. I was to wear the necklace always, and when I needed Daddy’s love, it would be there.
I wish that had turned out to be true.
Every day after that, I hid behind the living room curtain, begging in my heart for him to drive up in his blue car. I missed him so much that I would have gone to China with him. Or maybe he’d come back just to be with me. I watched for the mailman every day, but whenever he came, Mommy would say there was no mail for me. The phone didn’t bring Daddy back either.
Last year, in one of the secret conversations we’d hold while gardening or in the hayfield, Mother told me that we had lived in Hyde Park because it was near the University of Chicago, where Daddy taught Chinese. When the divorce got messy, he took two years off to go to China.
When I was little, it made me so mad that he broke his promise that I ripped the calendar into little pieces. There was no way I could put it back together again and I was sure I could never get him back now, because I had destroyed his gift. But at least I still had the necklace. I would wear it as long as I could.
I press my cheek against the cold window until it feels numb. If only I could numb these memories. Stop it! I yell at myself inside. He left me. He’s a heathen. And it’s a sin to think about him. I force my attention back in the van just as Rachel skillfully navigates a hairpin turn on the mountain road.
It wasn’t long after Daddy left that Mother brought Reverend Ezekiel home for dinner one night. He was a traveling preacher and she wanted him to have a good meal while he was in Chicago gathering souls. He invited his wife to join him, and together they stayed another two weeks. By that time Mom believed in him fully and we went with him back to Arizona.
I watch Rachel maneuver the van around sharp curves and barely make it around a pile of rocks that had dropped from the mountain since we were here this morning. We collectively let out a sigh of relief when we’re safely back on the road again.
“I’ve been thinking about all your ideas for jewelry,” Rachel says now. “Since we already have the gemstone beads, let’s be as creative as possible and see how we do at the next flea market. As long as we make a good profit, I don’t think we need to report you to Community Concerns. What do you think, Mother Esther?”
“Well, I don’t know. I told her to put them down and she disobeyed. That sounds like an offense against the community to me.”
I hate that she’s talking about me as if I’m not here. “I’m very sorry that I didn’t put them down the minute you told me to, Mother Esther. But it truly wasn’t my intention to disobey. I simply got distracted and didn’t realize I was still holding them.”
“Your disobedience cost us more than money, dear. It cost us so much time, having to select the findings and clasps and—everything—that we could combine with your gemstones.”
“You’re right,” I say, feeling humble and physically weak. I don’t dare beg for her not to report me because then she’d have the begging to report.
“I’m not saying that Eva shouldn’t be punished,” Rachel says. “But you know that the punishment will depend on how great the loss is to the community, and we won’t know that until after the next flea market. If we had to buy expensive beads and can’t sell the jewelry made from them, it will be a different matter than if we sell them easily and instead of losing money actually make money.”
Esther is silent for a moment.”I guess we could wait and see,” she says. “It will give me time to pray about
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