sober.
“I was surprised you weren’t out at some party.” Taylor said, trying to change the subject.
“I was tired,” Abigail answered. “I know what you think of me, but if you gave me a chance, you’d see that you’re wrong.” She looked straight ahead and started to drive.
Taylor couldn’t have felt worse. She used her fingers to brush away the wet hair that clung to her forehead and looked out her window. “I’m sorry,” she said. “There are just some things – “
“Hey.” Abigail reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m a good listener, you know.”
Taylor sighed and leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. She thought of Sarah back in Portland, and all the things they used to talk about. Their girl chats were epic, but that was before everything changed. She wanted more than anything to be that girl again. Only hours ago she’d run through the rain, laughing and having fun for the first time in a long time. It was a start. But then …
“I kissed someone tonight,” Taylor finally admitted. It was something she wasn’t going to tell Sarah because she’d be so proud of her, thinking it was a step to getting back to normal. No, it was easier to talk to someone who only knew this version of herself.
“That’s awesome.” Abigail grinned. “Please tell me he was cute.”
“The cutest.” She sighed.
“Then why did I have to come find you in the rain?” She dropped her voice. “Are you a virgin?”
“What? No!” How did Taylor explain that the guilt she felt for kissing Josh threatened to consume her? She wasn’t ready to explain Danny to this new friend. Was she a friend yet? How could Taylor explain that at nineteen years old, she felt like she’d never be able to love someone again, not like she loved Danny? That she thought it’d be a betrayal if she did. Abigail wouldn’t understand.
“It’s just complicated,” Taylor explained.
“Sure it is.” She didn’t try to pry any further, and Taylor appreciated it.
Abigail went off to meet up with Colin when they got back. They were in the early dating stages. This left Taylor on her own, just as she liked it. She took a hot shower to try and wash the entire night away. When she was finished, she put on her warmest pyjamas and crawled into bed. She rested her laptop on her knees and powered it up. There was only one face she wanted to see.
There was a longer video that Taylor’s Dad had pieced together from some of the short ones she had. It played at his funeral. Danny’s face appeared on the screen, a familiar foolish grin on his face.
“My name is Danny,” he said. “And I am an addict.” He was standing outside in a field near Taylor’s house. When the weather was nice, they’d spend a lot of time together out there. The camera panned towards Taylor’s sleeping figure as she sprawled across one of their blankets. She was his addiction.
The image changed to a clip of Danny with a few of his teammates as they sang at the top of their lungs, arms slung over each other’s shoulders. There was highlight reel stuff, some of Danny’s best moves on the ice.
Then it was back to just Danny and Taylor. He had a guitar in his lap. Closing his eyes as he sang, his voice was sweet. Taylor sat next to him and held the camera out to get both of them in the shot. He stopped singing long enough to kiss her.
“Maybe you should be a singer instead of a hockey player,” she told him.
“Babe, why can’t I do it all?” He looked into the camera one last time and winked.
The video ended, and Taylor pushed the computer off her lap so she could pull her knees up to her chest. Tears rolled down her face as she buried it in her arms. She wanted more than anything to stop this feeling. She wanted to be able to move on, but every time she tried it struck her. He was still gone. She was still left behind.
Maybe if he had wanted to be a singer he’d still be with her.
Taylor wiped her face on her
“I was surprised you weren’t out at some party.” Taylor said, trying to change the subject.
“I was tired,” Abigail answered. “I know what you think of me, but if you gave me a chance, you’d see that you’re wrong.” She looked straight ahead and started to drive.
Taylor couldn’t have felt worse. She used her fingers to brush away the wet hair that clung to her forehead and looked out her window. “I’m sorry,” she said. “There are just some things – “
“Hey.” Abigail reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m a good listener, you know.”
Taylor sighed and leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. She thought of Sarah back in Portland, and all the things they used to talk about. Their girl chats were epic, but that was before everything changed. She wanted more than anything to be that girl again. Only hours ago she’d run through the rain, laughing and having fun for the first time in a long time. It was a start. But then …
“I kissed someone tonight,” Taylor finally admitted. It was something she wasn’t going to tell Sarah because she’d be so proud of her, thinking it was a step to getting back to normal. No, it was easier to talk to someone who only knew this version of herself.
“That’s awesome.” Abigail grinned. “Please tell me he was cute.”
“The cutest.” She sighed.
“Then why did I have to come find you in the rain?” She dropped her voice. “Are you a virgin?”
“What? No!” How did Taylor explain that the guilt she felt for kissing Josh threatened to consume her? She wasn’t ready to explain Danny to this new friend. Was she a friend yet? How could Taylor explain that at nineteen years old, she felt like she’d never be able to love someone again, not like she loved Danny? That she thought it’d be a betrayal if she did. Abigail wouldn’t understand.
“It’s just complicated,” Taylor explained.
“Sure it is.” She didn’t try to pry any further, and Taylor appreciated it.
Abigail went off to meet up with Colin when they got back. They were in the early dating stages. This left Taylor on her own, just as she liked it. She took a hot shower to try and wash the entire night away. When she was finished, she put on her warmest pyjamas and crawled into bed. She rested her laptop on her knees and powered it up. There was only one face she wanted to see.
There was a longer video that Taylor’s Dad had pieced together from some of the short ones she had. It played at his funeral. Danny’s face appeared on the screen, a familiar foolish grin on his face.
“My name is Danny,” he said. “And I am an addict.” He was standing outside in a field near Taylor’s house. When the weather was nice, they’d spend a lot of time together out there. The camera panned towards Taylor’s sleeping figure as she sprawled across one of their blankets. She was his addiction.
The image changed to a clip of Danny with a few of his teammates as they sang at the top of their lungs, arms slung over each other’s shoulders. There was highlight reel stuff, some of Danny’s best moves on the ice.
Then it was back to just Danny and Taylor. He had a guitar in his lap. Closing his eyes as he sang, his voice was sweet. Taylor sat next to him and held the camera out to get both of them in the shot. He stopped singing long enough to kiss her.
“Maybe you should be a singer instead of a hockey player,” she told him.
“Babe, why can’t I do it all?” He looked into the camera one last time and winked.
The video ended, and Taylor pushed the computer off her lap so she could pull her knees up to her chest. Tears rolled down her face as she buried it in her arms. She wanted more than anything to stop this feeling. She wanted to be able to move on, but every time she tried it struck her. He was still gone. She was still left behind.
Maybe if he had wanted to be a singer he’d still be with her.
Taylor wiped her face on her
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