Dreams of Sex and Stage Diving by Martin Millar Page B

months of preparation and expense they were defeated and had ended up in debt and depression.
    On this day, as Elfish arrived in the living room sometime in the afternoon, yawning, Marion, moving swiftly back from national politics to local issues, was moved to confront her about the disappearance of the peanut butter she had bought yesterday.
    â€œDid you eat it?”
    â€œYes,” said Elfish.
    â€œWhy?”

    â€œWhat do you mean, why?” protested Elfish. “We all share food in this house, don’t we?”
    â€œBut you never buy any.”
    â€œI never have any money,” said Elfish, logically.
    Marion, disheartened by recent events, gave up the argument. Elfish switched on the TV. Television was for some reason an irritating subject in this household. Although they owned one, no one seemed to approve of it. They would occasionally spend time discussing how much they disliked it. Elfish, however, was a self-proclaimed TV fan and during the day would watch game show after game show with blank attention till it was time for her to go out and play pool or re‘hearse.
    Marion, annoyed, expressed the opinion that Elfish was a waste of time as a human being and a person completely without ambition.
    â€œTo hell with you,” retorted Elfish. “I dream of calling my band Queen Mab and I am going through extraordinary difficulties to do it.”
    On the extension upstairs, she called Mo. The very act of deception gave Elfish pleasure. Mo’s belief that he was talking to Amnesia when he was in fact talking to Elfish made her feel powerful and was further proof of Mo’s stupidity.
    The greatest proof of Mo’s stupidity of course was that he had slept with various other women while having a relationship with Elfish, and failed to conceal it. The second greatest proof was that he imagined he could steal the name of Queen Mab.
    As Amnesia, she was merry on the phone.
    â€œElfish went for it? She is really going to try and learn forty-three lines of Shakespeare in a week? She can’t even remember what day she signs on.”
    She laughed uproariously. Mo joined in.

    â€œNot that it matters. She won’t have a band in a week and that’s part of the agreement too.”
    Mo informed Amnesia that he had already spread word of Elfish’s hopeless endeavours around Brixton so there would be plenty of people to see her humiliation.
    â€œWhat are you going to ask Elfish for when you win?” asked Elfish, but Mo said he had not yet decided.
    â€œWhen are you coming up?” asked Mo.
    â€œAt the weekend. I’ll see your gig.”
    â€œWhat are you going to give me for making Elfish look foolish?”
    â€œAnything you desire, Mo,” said Elfish, and they laughed again.

twenty-one
    PERICLES WAS A natural leader but his efforts to rally the spirits of the occupants of the raft met with little success.
    â€œSo your reputation was entirely eclipsed by Shakespeare?” he said to Ben Jonson. “So was everyone else’s. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t leave a great body of work behind you.”
    Ben Jonson did not find this very comforting.
    â€œAnd they buried you in Westminster Abbey,” continued the Athenian.
    â€œWell, whoopee,” said the dramatist, with some bitterness.
    Cleopatra leapt to her feet, yelling, “Tidal wave approaching!”
    â€œDamn,” screamed Botticelli, who had been trying to construct some sort of steering device to get them back to shore. Botticelli was a poor engineer and wished he had paid a little more attention to Leonardo da Vinci and the other Renaissance scientists.
    â€œTake cover!”
    â€œWhat do you mean, take cover?” demanded Cleopatra. “We’re on a raft.”
    Botticelli’s efforts to guide them safely past the tidal wave proved futile and the vast bulk of water crashed over them, sweeping away what little food supplies they had and propelling them