Drinking and Tweeting by Brandi Glanville, Leslie Bruce Page A
Authors: Brandi Glanville, Leslie Bruce
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working on), pay my own bills, and figure out a way to get by from month to month. It was insanely gratifying. I’m not necessarily proud of the means I used, but I’m not ashamed of my actions either. It wasn’t ideal, but I did what I had to in order to make ends meet, given the options available. It was also a hell of a lot better than stripping—I wanted to keep my evenings free to start dating again.
I discovered that my strongest skill is my voice. I’m honest, filter-free, and incapable of bullshitting—and that’s apparently uncommon in Hollywood. For years,I was told that what I thought and said didn’t matter, so it took me a while to accept that people actually valued my opinions and that eventually I could look to offer them professionally. Going through my divorce, I was able to connect with other men and women, mostly via social-networking sites, who were going through similar and not-so-similar situations: marital problems, failed friendships, raising children, dieting, etc.
If someone had told me four years ago that I would be a cast member on Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise and writing a book about breakup blunders and overcoming adversity, I would have laughed in his or her face. I was guilty of setting my own limitations. That’s often the case when you’ve been in a relationship that made you question yourself. Or if you discover your partner fucked half the neighborhood.
When my life took an unimaginable turn, I was completely unprepared. While I was sure of handful of things—I could rock the smallest bikini, fuck like a rock star, and make a homemade penne Bolognese that would change your life—I was insecure about my actual abilities to make a living. It can still feel a bit surreal at times. If you learn anything from my journey, it’s that sometimesthe best opportunities are not only unexpected, they may come in the most unusual forms—perhaps a reality show focusing on the teenage drama of six middle-aged women, or becoming the victim of a staged photo opportunity at your five-year-old’s soccer game with his new stepmom. Perhaps.
I had managed to find a way to pay the necessary bills while still being able to purchase indecent, luxury lingerie to wear for a boyfriend I didn’t have. My alimony expired toward the end of 2012, and Eddie now only provides me with child support, but I have my own job, and I’m making my own money. I got the last laugh, because I knew I was going to be okay.
brandi’s babble
Overindulgence can be a good thing—especially when it teaches you what you don’t need.
CHAPTER FOUR
With Friends like These . . .
T here are two truths when it comes to girlfriends: they can be the absolute best and they can be the absolute worst. (Most of mine are just about the bestest ever, though.) There’s no other way to slice it. Remember when you and your very best friend in the fourth grade painstakingly coordinated your outfits for “Twins Day” at school? Fast-forward to high school when the same girl threatened to kick your ass for getting a haircut that too closely resembled hers. Remember when you spent an entire weekend on the couch with your best friend eating ice cream and watching Zoolander , because she was nursing her first real heartbreak? Fast-forward to a few months later, when the same friend begged you togo to the pharmacy to pick up her Valtrex prescription because she’s too embarrassed. So, I repeat, girls are both the best and the worst.
If nothing else, a breakup is an opportunity to weed out the total users in your life from your real friends. This is especially true in Hollywood, where people can smell the spotlight a mile away and will ride your coattails all the way down the Pacific Coast Highway, if you let them. LA hangers-on are about as common as Botox and second wives. Although, this theory can be applied to friendships regardless of where you live. If you have more of something—whether it’s money, power, fame, or
I discovered that my strongest skill is my voice. I’m honest, filter-free, and incapable of bullshitting—and that’s apparently uncommon in Hollywood. For years,I was told that what I thought and said didn’t matter, so it took me a while to accept that people actually valued my opinions and that eventually I could look to offer them professionally. Going through my divorce, I was able to connect with other men and women, mostly via social-networking sites, who were going through similar and not-so-similar situations: marital problems, failed friendships, raising children, dieting, etc.
If someone had told me four years ago that I would be a cast member on Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise and writing a book about breakup blunders and overcoming adversity, I would have laughed in his or her face. I was guilty of setting my own limitations. That’s often the case when you’ve been in a relationship that made you question yourself. Or if you discover your partner fucked half the neighborhood.
When my life took an unimaginable turn, I was completely unprepared. While I was sure of handful of things—I could rock the smallest bikini, fuck like a rock star, and make a homemade penne Bolognese that would change your life—I was insecure about my actual abilities to make a living. It can still feel a bit surreal at times. If you learn anything from my journey, it’s that sometimesthe best opportunities are not only unexpected, they may come in the most unusual forms—perhaps a reality show focusing on the teenage drama of six middle-aged women, or becoming the victim of a staged photo opportunity at your five-year-old’s soccer game with his new stepmom. Perhaps.
I had managed to find a way to pay the necessary bills while still being able to purchase indecent, luxury lingerie to wear for a boyfriend I didn’t have. My alimony expired toward the end of 2012, and Eddie now only provides me with child support, but I have my own job, and I’m making my own money. I got the last laugh, because I knew I was going to be okay.
brandi’s babble
Overindulgence can be a good thing—especially when it teaches you what you don’t need.
CHAPTER FOUR
With Friends like These . . .
T here are two truths when it comes to girlfriends: they can be the absolute best and they can be the absolute worst. (Most of mine are just about the bestest ever, though.) There’s no other way to slice it. Remember when you and your very best friend in the fourth grade painstakingly coordinated your outfits for “Twins Day” at school? Fast-forward to high school when the same girl threatened to kick your ass for getting a haircut that too closely resembled hers. Remember when you spent an entire weekend on the couch with your best friend eating ice cream and watching Zoolander , because she was nursing her first real heartbreak? Fast-forward to a few months later, when the same friend begged you togo to the pharmacy to pick up her Valtrex prescription because she’s too embarrassed. So, I repeat, girls are both the best and the worst.
If nothing else, a breakup is an opportunity to weed out the total users in your life from your real friends. This is especially true in Hollywood, where people can smell the spotlight a mile away and will ride your coattails all the way down the Pacific Coast Highway, if you let them. LA hangers-on are about as common as Botox and second wives. Although, this theory can be applied to friendships regardless of where you live. If you have more of something—whether it’s money, power, fame, or
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