Dust by Mandy Harbin

she wasn't about to change her mind and stay.
    "My room. Not feeling well." At least she wasn't changing her mind. Yet.
    He stuck his lip out at her. "Can I call you later?"
    "Sure." She smiled at him before looking at me. "Ready?"
    I nodded.
    "I'll see you Tuesday," Killian said. I looked at him, but he'd already looked down at Chelsea. He put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. "Let's get some punch."
    And like that I was dismissed.

5
    D ismissed . Not a feeling I was used to having. Anger? Check. Grief? You bet. Fear? Oh, yeah, I'd been terrified to a far greater extent than the average girl my age. But feeling like I'd been rejected was kinda new. Which was just weird since technically being dismissed coincided with being left alone, a state I usually strived to maintain when it came to other people. "Other" being the key word here. So why now? Why were Killian's actions Friday night muddying my usual emotional disconnect with people? With him?
    I honestly didn't know, but I knew I shouldn't analyze it either. If I kept fretting I'd get pissed at the outcome. I understood how I operated. I'd take it personally, and deep down I realized he didn't encourage Chelsea as a way to irritate me. Bottom line was he was a new friend and I needed to learn how to have relationships like that again. He'd obviously been interested in that chick, and friends didn't cock-block other friends.
    That didn't mean I had to like it.
    Or even understand why.
    "You look like someone kicked your favorite puppy," Jewel said. She'd been humming to herself while folding clothes as I stared off into space and obsessed about my friendship with Killian. She'd been humming since this morning really...after her second phone call from Gabe. She'd smiled and twirled her hair while talking to him and even made animated faces as if he were sitting in the room with her. If I ever acted giddy over a guy like that, I'd want my mom to shoot me. Then have my brain dissected and analyzed in hopes of finding a cure.
    "Just thinking."
    Jewel dropped the leggings she held and sighed. "I can't blame the skank. Killian is hot." She didn't have to explain to which skank she referred. Even though this campus was infested with more than its fair share of advertised T and A, I knew the skank in reference.
    "I guess." I knew . God, I knew the guy was hot. But I didn't have a social life. I was completely and totally inept when it came to men, which was how it should be. I didn't deserve happiness when my sister's sentence was death. But becoming friends with him would help me professionally. Since I'd aspired to live a life my sister would be proud of, then that was okay. Anything more was off the table.
    "Girl, please. I can tell by the look on your face that even you aren't buying the crap you're trying to sell, so what makes you think I'm going to? You know he's the corndog's mustard. So does every other person at this school who likes dick—and that includes both sexes." When I didn't say anything right away—partly because I was now hungry for a corndog—she continued. "I don't know why you're so closed off. Did some guy stomp Gangnam Style all over your heart?" She put her hands on her hips, looking offended and mad on my behalf at that idea. I had to admit I was a little comforted by that.
    I took a deep breath. "No. I wasn't burned by an old flame." Things would've been so much easier if that were the case.
    Jewel walked toward me and perched on the edge of my bed. "Then what's the deal? You go to class and come back here. The only time you've gone out was Friday night, and I could tell you weren't exactly comfortable being there. There has to be a reason."
    "There is." But I wasn't going to dredge everything up for her.
    She looked at me awhile and then nodded slowly. "Well, you've only been here a week. I guess whatever's been holding you back won't take Killian long to break through. The man is good."
    I chuckled at her. "I told you it wasn't a