something, anything. Only the inner circle and my family ever show me concern. Even now. I smile thinking of Judy. I guess she’s my new sister. She hugs me like Alex used to. They don’t let go until they get their fill. It’s nice.
Then there’s Jax. He asked. Jason said he gave him information to help understand where Judy’s coming from. He wants to know where my head is so he can help. It took him forever, but he thought I was with Taylor. He still got information and is willing to wait until I clean up my act. He doesn’t hide the rape word. As much as I hate it, I can’t gloss over it. He didn’t. Look at what I did at the range. Jesus I could have killed the pussy and he didn’t run from the fuckin’ mess I made with that, he wanted to help.
Feeling calmer I throw my wrapper in the bag and drive to the house. The RA is in the kitchen with some of the women. They’re laughing about his need to clean every surface at least once a day.
When the therapist comes in we all sit. She talks then asks everyone to introduce themselves. When it’s my turn I tell them I’m not military but HS for the Princes and an officer for the Princes PD. The therapist is the only one that doesn’t know me, so no one says anything and we move on. Some of the women were in combat and have PTSD. That’s what Taylor has. The therapist suggests meeting them one on one or in a group for PTSD. They go for the group. She looks at me and asks me to join with that group. What?
“Why would I join that group? I don’t have PTSD.”
One woman asks if I’m in denial and they all laugh. I smile. The therapist isn’t letting it drop. “You don’t have flashbacks, moments you can’t account for? Reactions that are unreasonable?”
Fuck. That’s PTSD. “Just once. I have nightmares all the time, but it’s not of me.”
She looks at me and I want to crawl under a rock. Fuck this isn’t fun. She thinks I should talk to her about the PTSD meeting and the women tell me it will be fun. They all laugh about it, but I don’t think this is fuckin’ funny. I’m glad when we’re done. I walk out, but the therapist catches up to me.
“Sheila. Wait!”
I stop and wait but don’t turn around. “I want to make sure you’re not going to meetings that you don’t need to be in. Having a flashback once isn’t a PTSD diagnosis. I’m sorry if I made it sound that way, but I didn’t want to diminish the other women’s issues. I’m sorry if that was at your expense. A flashback is usually about something that happened to you not someone else.”
Feeling better I nod and look at her. “The flashback was about me; I was gang raped. The nightmares are about a friend and aren’t as easy to explain.”
She nods. “I see. It may be better if you meet separately. I think you’d benefit from the group, but you aren’t going through the same type of issues they are. You have a job, family, friends and are confident in who you are. They don’t have that.”
“I am here on behalf of the Princes and the Women’s Center. Lily asked me to help with an activity and to build a team like atmosphere for the women. I need to be here. I don’t have to talk. I’m not taking away from what they need and I’m not going to make them feel less because of what I do have.” She nods. “Maybe alone would be good. I have an order to get my life together and Prez will want progress reports. If I can’t do that in there, I need to do it some other way.”
She smiles. “Good. What times work for you?” We get times settled so I can see her twice a week and I drive home feeling pretty good. I do have a job, family, friends and I’m confident most of the time. It’s been a decent day.
When the garage door opens I don’t see Jason’s bike. I’m surprised at the feeling it brings me. I shake it off and bring my trash in with my backpack.
Nancy cleaned the house before she left. I smile pulling my phone as I walk to Judy’s room. Yep she even
Then there’s Jax. He asked. Jason said he gave him information to help understand where Judy’s coming from. He wants to know where my head is so he can help. It took him forever, but he thought I was with Taylor. He still got information and is willing to wait until I clean up my act. He doesn’t hide the rape word. As much as I hate it, I can’t gloss over it. He didn’t. Look at what I did at the range. Jesus I could have killed the pussy and he didn’t run from the fuckin’ mess I made with that, he wanted to help.
Feeling calmer I throw my wrapper in the bag and drive to the house. The RA is in the kitchen with some of the women. They’re laughing about his need to clean every surface at least once a day.
When the therapist comes in we all sit. She talks then asks everyone to introduce themselves. When it’s my turn I tell them I’m not military but HS for the Princes and an officer for the Princes PD. The therapist is the only one that doesn’t know me, so no one says anything and we move on. Some of the women were in combat and have PTSD. That’s what Taylor has. The therapist suggests meeting them one on one or in a group for PTSD. They go for the group. She looks at me and asks me to join with that group. What?
“Why would I join that group? I don’t have PTSD.”
One woman asks if I’m in denial and they all laugh. I smile. The therapist isn’t letting it drop. “You don’t have flashbacks, moments you can’t account for? Reactions that are unreasonable?”
Fuck. That’s PTSD. “Just once. I have nightmares all the time, but it’s not of me.”
She looks at me and I want to crawl under a rock. Fuck this isn’t fun. She thinks I should talk to her about the PTSD meeting and the women tell me it will be fun. They all laugh about it, but I don’t think this is fuckin’ funny. I’m glad when we’re done. I walk out, but the therapist catches up to me.
“Sheila. Wait!”
I stop and wait but don’t turn around. “I want to make sure you’re not going to meetings that you don’t need to be in. Having a flashback once isn’t a PTSD diagnosis. I’m sorry if I made it sound that way, but I didn’t want to diminish the other women’s issues. I’m sorry if that was at your expense. A flashback is usually about something that happened to you not someone else.”
Feeling better I nod and look at her. “The flashback was about me; I was gang raped. The nightmares are about a friend and aren’t as easy to explain.”
She nods. “I see. It may be better if you meet separately. I think you’d benefit from the group, but you aren’t going through the same type of issues they are. You have a job, family, friends and are confident in who you are. They don’t have that.”
“I am here on behalf of the Princes and the Women’s Center. Lily asked me to help with an activity and to build a team like atmosphere for the women. I need to be here. I don’t have to talk. I’m not taking away from what they need and I’m not going to make them feel less because of what I do have.” She nods. “Maybe alone would be good. I have an order to get my life together and Prez will want progress reports. If I can’t do that in there, I need to do it some other way.”
She smiles. “Good. What times work for you?” We get times settled so I can see her twice a week and I drive home feeling pretty good. I do have a job, family, friends and I’m confident most of the time. It’s been a decent day.
When the garage door opens I don’t see Jason’s bike. I’m surprised at the feeling it brings me. I shake it off and bring my trash in with my backpack.
Nancy cleaned the house before she left. I smile pulling my phone as I walk to Judy’s room. Yep she even
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