was on my bucket list,” I returned.
“What else is on this bucket list?” he asked me.
You. To have you forever and ever.
“I need a drink,” I said instead.
“I have beer all over me – wanna lick?” he asked.
“She needed to cool down, she was eating your face off,” I mumbled.
“I get that reaction a lot,” he returned.
“Well, where is she now? Don’t let me stop her eating anything else of yours.”
“She’s with the others, waiting for me.”
“Well, off you go then. I’m fine.”
“You needed a drink.”
“I’m quite capable of getting my own drink.”
“I know how capable you are Janey, but I’m getting you one. Deal with it”
“She might get jealous!”
“I think you’ve taken that title tonight.”
I shrugged his hand off my arm in annoyance.
“Oh please. I just had an opportunity and took it. Just forget it happened. It meant nothing. I’ve obviously had too much to drink”
“Liar. You haven’t touched a drop of alcohol all day.”
“Can you just leave me alone?”
He stopped to face me and angrily asked, “Is that what you want? For me to leave you alone?”
I didn’t answer.
“How come this is the most we’ve spoken in months, Janey? Why the fuck are you treating me like I’ve got some venereal disease?”
“What do you want from me, Will?”
“I thought that was obvious. Everyone else seems to get it, except for you.”
“You need to move on. I need to move on,” I said, hating the words as they came out of my mouth.
“Did some shrink tell you that?”
“Fuck you,” I said angrily, shoving at his chest. He stepped closer to me, his body blocking everything around me.
“Why am I so bad to be around? What is it about me that is so wrong for you? I’ve been there for you, Janey. Since the fucking beginning.”
“I just need…a change. You need a change as well.”
“Do me a favour,” he requested.
“What?”
“Don’t even begin to tell me what I need. I know what I need.”
I looked away from his eyes as I said, “It’s just better for both of us if we are not together.”
“Says who?” he demanded quietly.
I swallowed and said, “Me.” I kept my eyes diverted from his, knowing if I didn’t that he would see the lie I was spinning. He stepped back from me, a cold, empty space now between us.
“Fine Janey, you win,” he said in resignation. I felt my heart ache. I felt the urge to plead to him, beg him to take me back. I hadn’t won anything - I was officially losing the most important thing I had.
“So, we go on with our lives separately. We forget everything we have been through, the good and the bad. We move on.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t have anything left within me to lie anymore. I would never agree to forget our lives together; it was all I had left in me. He stood there waiting, daring me to agree with him. I felt the most unimaginable pain and I needed to strike back.
“Go and enjoy your new friend,” I said, trying to hurt him. He shook his head and then stepped even closer to me again. He pulled my chin up and forced me to look at him.
“Not once have I lied to you, Janey. You and I - we were always honest with each other. We accepted everything our lives had given us and not long ago we decided to change our lives for the better, together.”
His words hit me straight in the heart. He was right; we were going to face the future together, before I ruined everything. I forced the tears back and used every bit of the strength I had left to hide my bleeding emotions. I stared back at him, cold and defiant.
“But you know what, Janey? I think you’re lying through your ass right now. You’re fucking scared. We had something good and you’re deliberately killing it for some fucked up reason.”
I didn’t take a breath as he searched my eyes.
“I want to know the reason. I deserve to know the reason,” he said quietly. I wished I could tell him. I craved to fall into his safe arms and just
“What else is on this bucket list?” he asked me.
You. To have you forever and ever.
“I need a drink,” I said instead.
“I have beer all over me – wanna lick?” he asked.
“She needed to cool down, she was eating your face off,” I mumbled.
“I get that reaction a lot,” he returned.
“Well, where is she now? Don’t let me stop her eating anything else of yours.”
“She’s with the others, waiting for me.”
“Well, off you go then. I’m fine.”
“You needed a drink.”
“I’m quite capable of getting my own drink.”
“I know how capable you are Janey, but I’m getting you one. Deal with it”
“She might get jealous!”
“I think you’ve taken that title tonight.”
I shrugged his hand off my arm in annoyance.
“Oh please. I just had an opportunity and took it. Just forget it happened. It meant nothing. I’ve obviously had too much to drink”
“Liar. You haven’t touched a drop of alcohol all day.”
“Can you just leave me alone?”
He stopped to face me and angrily asked, “Is that what you want? For me to leave you alone?”
I didn’t answer.
“How come this is the most we’ve spoken in months, Janey? Why the fuck are you treating me like I’ve got some venereal disease?”
“What do you want from me, Will?”
“I thought that was obvious. Everyone else seems to get it, except for you.”
“You need to move on. I need to move on,” I said, hating the words as they came out of my mouth.
“Did some shrink tell you that?”
“Fuck you,” I said angrily, shoving at his chest. He stepped closer to me, his body blocking everything around me.
“Why am I so bad to be around? What is it about me that is so wrong for you? I’ve been there for you, Janey. Since the fucking beginning.”
“I just need…a change. You need a change as well.”
“Do me a favour,” he requested.
“What?”
“Don’t even begin to tell me what I need. I know what I need.”
I looked away from his eyes as I said, “It’s just better for both of us if we are not together.”
“Says who?” he demanded quietly.
I swallowed and said, “Me.” I kept my eyes diverted from his, knowing if I didn’t that he would see the lie I was spinning. He stepped back from me, a cold, empty space now between us.
“Fine Janey, you win,” he said in resignation. I felt my heart ache. I felt the urge to plead to him, beg him to take me back. I hadn’t won anything - I was officially losing the most important thing I had.
“So, we go on with our lives separately. We forget everything we have been through, the good and the bad. We move on.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t have anything left within me to lie anymore. I would never agree to forget our lives together; it was all I had left in me. He stood there waiting, daring me to agree with him. I felt the most unimaginable pain and I needed to strike back.
“Go and enjoy your new friend,” I said, trying to hurt him. He shook his head and then stepped even closer to me again. He pulled my chin up and forced me to look at him.
“Not once have I lied to you, Janey. You and I - we were always honest with each other. We accepted everything our lives had given us and not long ago we decided to change our lives for the better, together.”
His words hit me straight in the heart. He was right; we were going to face the future together, before I ruined everything. I forced the tears back and used every bit of the strength I had left to hide my bleeding emotions. I stared back at him, cold and defiant.
“But you know what, Janey? I think you’re lying through your ass right now. You’re fucking scared. We had something good and you’re deliberately killing it for some fucked up reason.”
I didn’t take a breath as he searched my eyes.
“I want to know the reason. I deserve to know the reason,” he said quietly. I wished I could tell him. I craved to fall into his safe arms and just
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