Exposed: A Novel by Ashley Weis

irritated. Selfish jerk, I said, go get your friends a drink.
    I poured two more glasses, dreaming about how thankful they’d be when I handed them a drink. They’d love me. Need me, even if only for a second of their life as they sipped from the water and quenched their dry mouths.
    When I walked back into the living room, well, all I can say is that life felt like a Hollywood movie, all the bad parts hidden while the good scenes rolled together like Jazz notes. Everything felt good. Everything I once felt shameful about now allured me. My little companion I called “Cola” not only helped me forget reality, but also helped me love the ugly reality around me.
    That night, I even enjoyed the bruises Andy created up and down my body when I laughed at him for using the word ignorant instead of rude.
    I finally had an escape from the life I never wanted to live.
    My friend, Cola.

Chapter 9 Ally
    Jessie walked into my office as Mara stammered out. Funny, everyone thought I had a picture perfect marriage. If only they knew I never did. Lies, lies, lies. Our marriage foundation rested on a bed of lies.
    I thought he was special, different.
    “I have another appointment in fifteen minutes.” I looked at the clock, realizing I had forty minutes. “Or something like that.” I turned my back to him and walked to the window, trying to hold back tears. We married each other less than a decade ago, but I knew him so well that I could imagine his stance. Arms at his sides, rigid jaw, head slightly down, eyes looking up—typical when he’s upset. I peeked just to feel right. Right, oh right, I was. “Ally,” he said. “What can I do? I can’t work. I can’t focus on anything. I’m a mess. You’re everything to me. I don’t’ know what I’d do if you … you know.”
    “Our marriage is a lie, Jessie. A lie. I mean, you probably went home and looked at other women after you proposed to me.”
    He shook his head.
    I sat down and twisted my chair back and forth. “You did, didn’t you?”
    “I don’t remember. And don’t play counselor with me, I’m your husband.” Austerity thickened his voice.
    I never heard anger in his voice, not toward me, not like that. He sat in front of me, in the chair Jed Fowler sat in before he walked out.
    “What happened to best friends? To faithfulness?” I wondered aloud.
    He slammed his palms on my desk. I jumped. Flashbacks of Step-Dad hitting Mom screamed tortuous thoughts about marriage.
    Jessie shifted in his seat. “Sorry. But we’re still best friends. I don’t care what you say, we are.”
    I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t without questioning his words, all of them.
    “Look, you teach people this stuff all the time. You’ve told me in the past you felt sorry for men because of all this. What happened to that?”
    “Not you, Jess. Not you. I thought you were different.”
    “I’m a man, Ally. I’m not God.”
    Wow. His words felt like warm water to a frostbitten heart. “You lied. It’s not even those girls”—was it?—“it’s the fact that you lied. And you lied again after you promised not to lie. It doesn’t even make sense. I believed everything you said for years, Jess. Years. Now I can’t figure out if anything about us was real.”
    “Everything was real.”
    I bit my lip. “No. You were sneaking around obsessed with other women while we were dating, engaged, married.”
    The word married echoed in the room as we stared at each other. I looked out the window. Tree branches waved their bright green leaves at me, against a cloudy backdrop. Maybe I overreacted, I thought. Maybe Verity had a point. They’re just dirty pictures, it’s not like he cheated.
    But he did. He did and he lied.
    Pressure swelled in my chest. Pictures of women congested my thoughts.
    The springs in Jessie’s chair squeaked. His pants swooshed behind me until I saw his reflection in the window, beside mine.
    I faced him, cheeks wet with broken dreams. He didn’t feel