those things that have held you back, and commit to moving forward, you will very likely find yourself stuck in your own insane cycle of unproductive behavior.
I sure did. I spent most of my teens and twenties sabotaging my career, and my life in general, by self-medicating with drugs and alcohol as a way to deal with my insecurities, anger and fear. Through therapy, the guidance of friends and working to educate myself and make smarter decisions, I began to make some positive changes. I came to realize that instead of running from my past or trying to numb myself to it, I needed to examine and understand it.
I had to look back and really comprehend where I’d been and how certain events and circumstances affected me before I could move forward to where I want to be. It’s like planning a trip. If you go to Google Maps on the Internet, you first have to establish where you are before you can map out where you want to go. In this case, though, we’re not just talking geography or your physical location. We’re also looking at where you have been mentally and emotionally, and maybe even spiritually if you want to go there too.
AN HONEST APPRAISAL
It’s important to be very honest here because you are basically looking at what’s been wrong with your life so that you can actually make it right. That means telling the truth about your past and acknowledging the bad as well as the good. If you take your car to the repair shop, you don’t hide the fact that the engine is leaking oil, or that the brakes are shot. You give your mechanic the list of everything that’s wrong so he can fix it. The same holds true when looking at your past. You can’t skip over anything that’s uncomfortable to deal with because those negative issues are probably the most important to examine and understand.
You can’t go back and make things better either. And you certainly can’t fix everyone in your life. But you can fix yourself and that should be your focus. You deserve the best life has to offer. You may want to help others and that’s a noble concept. First, though, you have to be strong enough yourself.
I tell myself all the time that to help and lead others, I have to serve as a positive example. I’m not always successful, but my goal is to get my act together, keep it together, and inspire others to do the same. I’ve done it physically, and I’m working on it mentally and emotionally every day. I figure if my brother and sisters and others I care about see that I’m healthier, making better decisions, and am more hopeful and optimistic, they’ll want to be the same way. And they’ll know if I got my act together, then it must be possible for them to do it too.
TEARING DOWN THE WALLS
For a long time I tried to hide from my problems rather than fix them. One of the things I did was push bad memories back into a corner of my brain where I hoped they would stay locked away. Psychologists and psychiatrists say that repressing memories can sometimes be a good thing, especially in the case of really traumatic events that might overwhelm us or cause us to react in negative ways. But sooner or later, for better or worse, we have to deal with even the most traumatic events because the mind becomes overloaded if we don’t. Deep negative memories will surface and sometimes their resurfacing can trigger self-destructive behaviors like self-medicating with drugs or alcohol.
REMEMBER, TO GET BETTER, YOU HAVE TO BE BETTER.
You may need help dealing with repressed memories. Many people do, including me. If you’re worried about opening the door to something you can’t handle, please find a professional therapist, a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, clergy member or at least a good friend or family member whom you trust to be there for you. I’m very glad that I’ve had professional help sorting through the skeletons in my closet, so I encourage you to find the same.
Once you’ve acknowledged the past and all of the good
I sure did. I spent most of my teens and twenties sabotaging my career, and my life in general, by self-medicating with drugs and alcohol as a way to deal with my insecurities, anger and fear. Through therapy, the guidance of friends and working to educate myself and make smarter decisions, I began to make some positive changes. I came to realize that instead of running from my past or trying to numb myself to it, I needed to examine and understand it.
I had to look back and really comprehend where I’d been and how certain events and circumstances affected me before I could move forward to where I want to be. It’s like planning a trip. If you go to Google Maps on the Internet, you first have to establish where you are before you can map out where you want to go. In this case, though, we’re not just talking geography or your physical location. We’re also looking at where you have been mentally and emotionally, and maybe even spiritually if you want to go there too.
AN HONEST APPRAISAL
It’s important to be very honest here because you are basically looking at what’s been wrong with your life so that you can actually make it right. That means telling the truth about your past and acknowledging the bad as well as the good. If you take your car to the repair shop, you don’t hide the fact that the engine is leaking oil, or that the brakes are shot. You give your mechanic the list of everything that’s wrong so he can fix it. The same holds true when looking at your past. You can’t skip over anything that’s uncomfortable to deal with because those negative issues are probably the most important to examine and understand.
You can’t go back and make things better either. And you certainly can’t fix everyone in your life. But you can fix yourself and that should be your focus. You deserve the best life has to offer. You may want to help others and that’s a noble concept. First, though, you have to be strong enough yourself.
I tell myself all the time that to help and lead others, I have to serve as a positive example. I’m not always successful, but my goal is to get my act together, keep it together, and inspire others to do the same. I’ve done it physically, and I’m working on it mentally and emotionally every day. I figure if my brother and sisters and others I care about see that I’m healthier, making better decisions, and am more hopeful and optimistic, they’ll want to be the same way. And they’ll know if I got my act together, then it must be possible for them to do it too.
TEARING DOWN THE WALLS
For a long time I tried to hide from my problems rather than fix them. One of the things I did was push bad memories back into a corner of my brain where I hoped they would stay locked away. Psychologists and psychiatrists say that repressing memories can sometimes be a good thing, especially in the case of really traumatic events that might overwhelm us or cause us to react in negative ways. But sooner or later, for better or worse, we have to deal with even the most traumatic events because the mind becomes overloaded if we don’t. Deep negative memories will surface and sometimes their resurfacing can trigger self-destructive behaviors like self-medicating with drugs or alcohol.
REMEMBER, TO GET BETTER, YOU HAVE TO BE BETTER.
You may need help dealing with repressed memories. Many people do, including me. If you’re worried about opening the door to something you can’t handle, please find a professional therapist, a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, clergy member or at least a good friend or family member whom you trust to be there for you. I’m very glad that I’ve had professional help sorting through the skeletons in my closet, so I encourage you to find the same.
Once you’ve acknowledged the past and all of the good
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