Family Case of Murder by Vanessa Gray Bartal

realize Jason was eavesdropping until he spoke. “Is he in college?”
    “He’s thirty,” Robert said. “He lives in his parents’ basement and occasionally works fast food jobs, as long as they allow him to schedule between gaming tournaments.”
    Jason stared at the man, horrified, and Lacy resisted the urge to laugh. To someone like Jason who had begun preparing for his career immediately out of high school and owned his own house before he was twenty two, seeing someone like Gregor must have been like viewing a rare creature in a zoo.
    “Here come Gregor’s parents,” Robert whispered. “Bet you ten bucks you can’t understand a word my aunt says.” He beamed at his aunt as she approached. “Aunt Sue, this is Lacy Steele and her friend, Jason Cantor. Lacy and Riley are sisters.”
    Lacy saw the woman’s lips moving, but it was as if no sound came out. There was an almost imperceptible murmuring noise, but it was so low it could have been the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Aunt Sue’s lips stopped moving, and she seemed to be waiting expectantly for Lacy to reply.
    “Um, yes,” Lacy said. Aunt Sue nodded and backed away.
    “And Uncle Chuck,” Robert said.
    For a split second, Lacy thought she was actually looking at Chuck Norris. Then she noticed the black roots on the man’s mustache and realized he was an impersonator. Or he was crazy enough to believe he was Chuck Norris. It was hard to tell, and talking to the man did nothing to clear up the mystery because he referred to himself as Walker , Texas Ranger no less than three times during their conversation. Finally, he walked away and Robert spoke.
    “Yes, that just happened,” he said. “Too bad you didn’t get to meet their daughter. She’s a pageant mom. It only adds to the enjoyment to watch my two-year-old second cousin dress up like a hooker and ‘shake her booty,’ her mother’s words, not mine. Unfortunately for us, this weekend conflicts with the Little Miss Underage pageant in New Jersey , but she’s available to be our flower girl in the wedding. Yay!” He pumped his fist in the air, and Lacy laughed. Riley might not get sarcasm, but Robert certainly did.
    “Dinner is served, Madam,” the maid announced. She glanced at Lacy who resisted the urge to curtsy again. The woman made her nervous for some reason. Maybe it was the formal black uniform and starched white apron. This wasn’t Downton Abbey. Who made their household staff dress like that anymore? For that matter, who had household staff?
    The family began to shift toward the dining room, but Aunt Enid put up her hand, halting their progress. “We can’t eat until Emeril Lagasse has eaten or he’ll beg at the table, and that’s just unhealthy for him.” She picked up a cup of fruit from the table near where she was standing. “Riley, would you like to do the honors?”
    “Of course, Aunt Enid,” Riley answered, reaching for the cup. The monkey, Emeril Lagasse, eagerly ran over and climbed on Riley’s shoulder, reaching into the cup as she held it aloft. When some juice from the fruit ran down his chin and dribbled on Riley’s most-likely-Prada shirt, Lacy tried not to feel any sort of satisfaction. She didn’t succeed, but she tried, especially because Riley was using her fake smile, the one Lacy knew meant she secretly hated the monkey because Riley didn’t even like dogs. There was no way she was going to enjoy a monkey sitting on her shoulder, staining her five hundred dollar blouse.
    Lacy glanced at Jason to see if he was secretly as amused by the scene as she was, but he returned her look with a glare. She wrinkled her nose at him and he broke his glare in order to roll his eyes and look away.
    At last Emeril Lagasse was done with his meal, and the family was allowed to proceed into the dining room. Aunt Sue sidled up to Lacy and moved her lips a few times.
    “You said it,” Lacy said when the lips stopped moving. Sue nodded, and Lacy breathed a