ground.
He places his forearm against the wall, setting his free hand on my shoulder. “Yeah, but I didn’t say anything to you or Arissa about her before she showed up.”
“I get it. It’s not like she’s your first girlfriend and it’s not like I can date you anytime soon.” I glance into his eyes, shining like polished amber.
“You know I want it to be you.”
“Yeah, and you can’t wait forever. Life goes on.”
“It’s not like that, Parker,” he says, his hand cupping my cheek.
“Tell me what it’s like.”
“I know I need to stay away from your house and that means three months of not seeing you. Honestly, I was bored.”
“So she’s a plaything?” I wrench my face from his hand.
“That’s not what I mean,” he answers, running his hand through his hair and huffing. “Can you stop being defensive for just five minutes? Please?”
I wave my hand for him to continue.
“I spent the summer hanging out with my friends. I ran into Becky while we were at Swami’s one day and we talked. Before I knew it, we were hanging out every day. Then one day we kissed.”
“Sounds so romantic,” I say, rolling my eyes and using sarcasm to mask the pain.
“Parker, I like her. But I like you more.”
“I’m not the girl for you, J.”
“Then why the jealousy?”
“After all the flirting you do with me I’m not supposed to be jealous even if I can’t date you? Yeah, that’s real fair. Double standard much?”
“You’re not okay with this?” he asks, surprised.
I want to scream, In what world would anyone be okay with this? But I don’t. I can’t cause a scene. “I’m confused,” I say instead. “I thought we sorted this out before.”
“I missed you.”
His mournful tone slams me in the chest, joining with my own. He’s sharing everything with three words, the tone of his voice, and the regret in his eyes. He’s right here. I can reach out and touch him. I can hug him. But he can never be mine. It tortures my soul, ripping me apart from the inside.
I catch a glimpse of someone in my peripheral vision. “Hey, Becky.”
“Hi, Sara,” she returns, a little too cheerful.
“Give us a minute, Bec,” Jason says.
“Okay!” She turns and trots off to the seat where she left her lunch.
“Awkward,” I sing under my breath.
“Parker, I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all. I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“Okay. Honest.” I straighten and poke his chest. “You can’t keep flirting with me and telling me you like me more than Becky, or any other girl you’re dating, and then go back to them.”
“Then let’s go on a date,” he says, like it’s that easy to resolve when he knows it isn’t.
“That will never happen. We’ve been through this.”
“Then the only thing I have left is flirting.”
“No. The only thing left is we forget about all this. You go on with Becky and stop flirting with me.” I leave without giving him a chance to respond, knowing I just sounded the death knell to our friendship. I plop down next to Arissa and fold my arms on the table, letting my head fall on them.
“What happened? I saw Becky interrupted you two.”
“I feel like someone is ripping out my insides, Riss. Make it stop.” The tears I did so well holding back escape unrestrained.
The warmth radiating from Arissa as she wraps her arm around me is like a cocoon keeping me safe from the world.
“What did he say?”
“He likes Becky, but he likes me more.”
“That’s a good thing, Sara.”
I look up at her, tears still streaming and my eyes hot. “Right. Like my parents will let me date. Anyone. Ever.” I swipe my hand across my face. “I’m so confused I don’t know which end is up.”
“He really likes you, Sara. He always has.”
“But I keep telling him I’m not the one for him and he keeps at this.”
“Because he knows you like him.”
She may be right, but it’s an impossible situation. “I just don’t know what to
He places his forearm against the wall, setting his free hand on my shoulder. “Yeah, but I didn’t say anything to you or Arissa about her before she showed up.”
“I get it. It’s not like she’s your first girlfriend and it’s not like I can date you anytime soon.” I glance into his eyes, shining like polished amber.
“You know I want it to be you.”
“Yeah, and you can’t wait forever. Life goes on.”
“It’s not like that, Parker,” he says, his hand cupping my cheek.
“Tell me what it’s like.”
“I know I need to stay away from your house and that means three months of not seeing you. Honestly, I was bored.”
“So she’s a plaything?” I wrench my face from his hand.
“That’s not what I mean,” he answers, running his hand through his hair and huffing. “Can you stop being defensive for just five minutes? Please?”
I wave my hand for him to continue.
“I spent the summer hanging out with my friends. I ran into Becky while we were at Swami’s one day and we talked. Before I knew it, we were hanging out every day. Then one day we kissed.”
“Sounds so romantic,” I say, rolling my eyes and using sarcasm to mask the pain.
“Parker, I like her. But I like you more.”
“I’m not the girl for you, J.”
“Then why the jealousy?”
“After all the flirting you do with me I’m not supposed to be jealous even if I can’t date you? Yeah, that’s real fair. Double standard much?”
“You’re not okay with this?” he asks, surprised.
I want to scream, In what world would anyone be okay with this? But I don’t. I can’t cause a scene. “I’m confused,” I say instead. “I thought we sorted this out before.”
“I missed you.”
His mournful tone slams me in the chest, joining with my own. He’s sharing everything with three words, the tone of his voice, and the regret in his eyes. He’s right here. I can reach out and touch him. I can hug him. But he can never be mine. It tortures my soul, ripping me apart from the inside.
I catch a glimpse of someone in my peripheral vision. “Hey, Becky.”
“Hi, Sara,” she returns, a little too cheerful.
“Give us a minute, Bec,” Jason says.
“Okay!” She turns and trots off to the seat where she left her lunch.
“Awkward,” I sing under my breath.
“Parker, I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all. I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“Okay. Honest.” I straighten and poke his chest. “You can’t keep flirting with me and telling me you like me more than Becky, or any other girl you’re dating, and then go back to them.”
“Then let’s go on a date,” he says, like it’s that easy to resolve when he knows it isn’t.
“That will never happen. We’ve been through this.”
“Then the only thing I have left is flirting.”
“No. The only thing left is we forget about all this. You go on with Becky and stop flirting with me.” I leave without giving him a chance to respond, knowing I just sounded the death knell to our friendship. I plop down next to Arissa and fold my arms on the table, letting my head fall on them.
“What happened? I saw Becky interrupted you two.”
“I feel like someone is ripping out my insides, Riss. Make it stop.” The tears I did so well holding back escape unrestrained.
The warmth radiating from Arissa as she wraps her arm around me is like a cocoon keeping me safe from the world.
“What did he say?”
“He likes Becky, but he likes me more.”
“That’s a good thing, Sara.”
I look up at her, tears still streaming and my eyes hot. “Right. Like my parents will let me date. Anyone. Ever.” I swipe my hand across my face. “I’m so confused I don’t know which end is up.”
“He really likes you, Sara. He always has.”
“But I keep telling him I’m not the one for him and he keeps at this.”
“Because he knows you like him.”
She may be right, but it’s an impossible situation. “I just don’t know what to
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