Fear the Barfitron

Fear the Barfitron by M. D. Payne Page A

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Authors: M. D. Payne
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hall, I heard a rattle of chains and a moan more deep and growly than anything I had heard at Raven Hill.
    I froze in place, and slowly turned my head toward the noise, worried about what I would see. All I saw was a door at the end of the dimly lit hallway. It had a simple and clear sign on it.
    DO NOT ENTER
    Staff Only
    I really hoped that my lebensplasm wasn’t on the other side, but I knew that I had to check it out. As I made my way down the hall, I could hear the low growl and rattling of chains coming from behind the door. My heart beat faster as I tried to guess what kind of monster could make those sorts of noises.
    “Why are you here?” someone behind me asked as a large, meaty hand came down on my shoulder. It took all my concentration to keep from piddling in my pants.
    The hand swung me around to face two Nurses standing in the hallway.
    “Uh…bathroom?” I said, only half lying.
    The other Nurse pointed back down the hall toward the stairs with one hand. In the other hand, he held…
    My lebensplasm!
    “Uh, okay,” I said as I walked backward.
    I stared at the jar in his hand. Even in the darkness of the hallway I could see that it was ONLY HALF FULL! He didn’t seem to care that I was looking at the jar—he just kept waving me away.
    I turned the corner, but instead of going down the stairs, I hid in the witches’ room. I got down low and poked my head out to look back down the hall. The first Nurse approached the Staff Only door. Instead of opening it, he stood to one side and grabbed a candlestick on the wall. With what looked like a great amount of force, even for the monstrous Nurse, he gave it a yank. As the candlestick pulled away, something mechanical started clicking in the wall. The second Nurse handed the first Nurse my lebensplasm, and then walked over to a statue of a screaming demon on the other side of the door. With a grunt, he dug his shoes into the ground and slowly turned the statue to the right. The heavy stone base scraped against the floor. There was a heavy clank and the Do Not Enter door swung open. Both Nurses casually entered, unaffected by the menacing growls coming from the other side. Once they’d lumbered through, the door slammed shut.
    I could still hear the “Tarantella Transylvanese” playing downstairs, along with the hoots and hollers of the old monsters. I didn’t think I had much longer.But I risked waiting a little while. After about two minutes, the Nurses came out of the door…without my lebensplasm!
    Once they vanished down the hall, I crept over to the door and gave it a cautious tug, hoping it would just swing open. But it remained firmly in place.
    I reached up to the candlestick, but it was a good foot above my outstretched hand. I took a few steps back, ran forward, jumped up, and grabbed hold of the arm that connected it to the wall. It dropped slightly, but then stayed put. Hanging on with both hands like a crazed spider monkey, I tried bouncing up and down, hoping to shake it into place. No luck. Kicking my feet against the wall, I pulled on the candlestick as hard as I could. The worn soles of my old sneakers slid against the spiderweb-covered wooden wall—I might as well have tried ice-skating up an igloo.
    My hands were starting to slip from the sweat. I paused for a moment, held my breath, then kicked my legs against the wall until I got some good traction. Straightening my legs, I felt the candlestick starting to move out and down. Then, with a mechanical click, it released, and my feet slid up the wall. My hands slipped back on the candlestick as I tried to hold on, but it was no use—I was headed for the floor.
    Despite the pain of crashing my head into the hard floor, I stumbled over to the statue. Like the candlestick,it wasn’t going to move without a fight. I grunted and pushed and grunted some more, but it wouldn’t budge. Just when I had given up, I heard more clicking and clanking, like some kind of gear moving in the walls. Maybe

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