No Sugar by Jack Davis

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    MARY : Oh, yeah.
    She returns to him with it.
    JOE : [ taking the meat ] When will I see you again?
    MARY : Dunno.
    JOE : Can you be here tomorrow?
    MARY : I’ll try.
    JOE : Don’t say ‘try’, say you will be.
    MARY : All right.
    JOE : Same time.
    MARY : I’ll try, I mean, yes.
    JOE : I’m glad we’re not related.
    MARY : So am I.
    She runs off. JOE watches her into the distance.
SCENE THREE
    Long Pool Camp, Moore River, a hot day. CISSIE and DAVID play knuckle bones. MILLY and JOE enter with water. GRAN sits in the shade. The dogs bark. BILLY trudges on, followed at a distance by MATRON NEAL , TOPSY and MARY .
    BILLY : [ calling ] You fella got them doothoo tied up?
    SAM : [ calling ] Yeah.
    BILLY : Come on, Missus, come on.
    SAM : [ to JOE ] Nothin’ to bite on him, he’s all skin and bone.
    JOE : Plenty of meat on the matron.
    BILLY : You fella stand up straight, now.
    DAVID : Hey, that’s them girls.
    BILLY : [ poking his whip at DAVID ] You shut up now.
    JOE : Hey, old man, dubakieny .
    MATRON : Good morning, good morning. Now, all the family here?
    GRAN : My boy Jimmy ain’t.
    MATRON : [ checking her list ] Munday, James Emanuel. Oh, yes, with the train party. It’s all right, we’ve seen him. Now let’s see. Samuel, Millicent, Joseph, David and Cecilia, and the grandmother. Good. Now I’m the matron, Matron Neal, and I’m in charge of the hospital and Topsy here is helping me.
    DAVID : We already seen her.
    JOE : Shut up, gnoon .
    MATRON : Now, seeing you came here for health reasons, I’d just like to examine you.
    GRAN : What for?
    MATRON : For any skin complaints, Granny.
    GRAN : Scabies? We ain’t got it.
    SAM : Even the dogs ain’t got it.
    BILLY : You be quiet now, Matron make you no more sick fella.
    JOE : What’s he yakkin’ about? We ain’t sick.
    BILLY threatens JOE nervously with the whip.
    MATRON : All right, Billy. Now David, you first. Come on.
    He doesn’t move. BILLY prods him with the whip.
    Billy!
    DAVID : I ain’t takin’ me pants off.
    JOE : Me either.
    TOPSY giggles.
    MATRON : Just your shirt will do for a start.
    She begins to take DAVID ’s shirt off. TOPSY moves to help him but he jumps away and does it himself.
    DAVID : Git!
    MILLY : David.
    MATRON examines his hands, elbows and knees, ankles and abdomen.
    MATRON : Good boy. Now you, Cecilia.
    She checks her much the same way.
    MILLY : None of us got it.
    MATRON checks her and SAM .
    MATRON : No, they’re a healthy lot, a credit to you, Millicent. All right Joe, take your shirt off.
    JOE : There’s nothin’ wrong with me.
    MATRON : No, I’m sure there’s not. I just want to check.
    She checks him in the same way.
    How old are you, Joe?
    JOE : Dunno.
    MILLY : He’s seventeen next burnin’ season.
    MATRON : He’s a strapping lad.
    GRAN gets up.
    No need to get up, Gran, I’m sure you’re all right.
    GRAN : Joe, show Matron your belly button, go on.
    She pulls JOE ’s shirt up.
    What do you think of that, Matron?
    JOE : Aw Gran, kienya .
    GRAN : Isn’t that the neatest belly button you seen? Have a look, Matron. I brought him into the world with me own two hands.
    SAM : [ laughing ] Mumma!
    MATRON : You did a very good job, Granny.
    GRAN : I brought plenty kooloongah into this world, Matron.
    MATRON : Well, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with your family, Millicent. I won’t bother putting you on the sulphur, but I want you all to use the washing facilities every day before every meal and after you’ve been to the toilet. Now, look at those fingernails, David; perhaps you could set an example by going off and scrubbing them.
    DAVID exits reluctantly.
    Well, Milly, here are a few more cakes of Lysol soap and some handkerchiefs for the children. Well, busy, busy, Topsy, one more family visit. ’Bye for the present. Goodbye, Gran.
    She goes to leave, then stops.
    Oh,