of this card. Sorry it’s been a while since I wrote; it didn’t help going inside to play chess, I’ve got such a bad flu. I feel like shit – headache and sore throat and all that. But you have to keep working, you can’t let the team down, so I’m nottelling anyone. It also turned out to be a bit of a mistake to go inside for chess, because we went into the circus manager’s own caravan, and he tried to make a move on me. He’s like forty-five or something. Gross. But it’s okay now because we had a really long talk about it, and I guess I was just giving the wrong signals.
Love CELIA
Mum,
I’m going to run over to Saxon Walker’s place and we’re going to train together. He’s a guy from my school who catches my bus. He lives on Foxall Road. His mother’s the local councillor so you probably met her when you did your rollerblading protest.
Love,
Elizabeth
ELIZABETH !!!
WHO IS THIS SAXON WALKER? IS HE CAROLYN WALKER’S SON? IF HE IS, HIS MOTHER IS A DEMON FROM HELL! WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY OUT OF THEIR HOUSE. IF YOU SEE HER IN THE DISTANCE, DON’T SMILE AT HER. JUST SCOWL.
LOVE
MUM
Mum,
It’s too late. Saxon and I went for a run together and then he invited me back to his place for coffee.
His mother was quite polite for a demon from hell and she gave me a piece of carrot cake. I didn’t scowl at h e r at all. You always said before that I should smile and say thank you to my friends’ mothers. You are giving me confused and contradictory messages.
Love,
Elizabeth
ELIZABETH!
I GUESS I CAN ONLY BLAME MYSELF FOR TEACHING YOU THOSE RIDICULOUS MANNERS.
BUT IT′S NOT TOO LATE. IF YOU SEE HER AGAIN, YOU MIGHT THINK ABOUT SPITTING ON THE GROUND BEFORE HER. SAY SOMETHING CUTTING ABOUT LOCAL YOUTH AND LIBERTY AND THE IMPORTANT GROSS MOTOR SKILLS THAT CAN BE LEARNED FROM ROLLERBLADING
I HOPE HER SON IS NOTHING LIKE HER
LOVE YOUR MUM
PS THERE IS A RECIPE FOR CURRIED SAUSAGES ON PAGE 78 OF THIS RECIPE BOOK. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET IT STARTED?
Mum,
Thank you very much for writing your note in enormous purple texta and sticking it right in the middle of the fridge door. By lucky chance I had invited Saxon to have coffee at my place after running today, and the brightly-coloured note was impossible to miss. It was very good for him to see exactly what my mother thought of his mother.
Luckily for you, he just thought it was funny and laughed a lot.
I only just started the curried sausages ‘cause I was waiting for Saxon to go home, but they’re done now. (They’re on top of the stove.) Just taking Lochie for a walk and I’ll be back soon.
Love,
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth Garry,
We feel that it is our duty to ensure that you are not getting any crazy ideas. This young man who’s been talking to you on the bus? What’s his name – Saxon Walker? He is simply not ever going to be interested in you.
My dear child, he is a popular boy, a cool boy, smart, funny, athletic and gorgeous. Perhaps in your imagination such a boy might be interested in you. But never in reality, Elizabeth. Never.
You are merely a running partner to him. No more.
We do not wish to offend you, only to warn you.
Best wishes,
COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION
Dear Ms Clarry,
Okay, first of all, don’t get your hopes up here. This is NOT an invitation to join our society . Not that we think you’re really hideous or anything, but you’ve got to be kidding! Ever seen your ears , Elizabeth? Ever seen the freckles on your arms?
Anyway, we’re sure we don’t have to explain about that .
We are actually writing to discuss a different (but connected) issue. See, there are certain types of boys in the world, and there are certain types of girls. For example, there are ugly girls, and there are ugly boys. It’s perfectly okay for an ugly boy to ask out an ugly girl. Just as it’s perfectly okay for an ordinary girl to go out with an ordinary boy. Sometimes, if
Love CELIA
Mum,
I’m going to run over to Saxon Walker’s place and we’re going to train together. He’s a guy from my school who catches my bus. He lives on Foxall Road. His mother’s the local councillor so you probably met her when you did your rollerblading protest.
Love,
Elizabeth
ELIZABETH !!!
WHO IS THIS SAXON WALKER? IS HE CAROLYN WALKER’S SON? IF HE IS, HIS MOTHER IS A DEMON FROM HELL! WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY OUT OF THEIR HOUSE. IF YOU SEE HER IN THE DISTANCE, DON’T SMILE AT HER. JUST SCOWL.
LOVE
MUM
Mum,
It’s too late. Saxon and I went for a run together and then he invited me back to his place for coffee.
His mother was quite polite for a demon from hell and she gave me a piece of carrot cake. I didn’t scowl at h e r at all. You always said before that I should smile and say thank you to my friends’ mothers. You are giving me confused and contradictory messages.
Love,
Elizabeth
ELIZABETH!
I GUESS I CAN ONLY BLAME MYSELF FOR TEACHING YOU THOSE RIDICULOUS MANNERS.
BUT IT′S NOT TOO LATE. IF YOU SEE HER AGAIN, YOU MIGHT THINK ABOUT SPITTING ON THE GROUND BEFORE HER. SAY SOMETHING CUTTING ABOUT LOCAL YOUTH AND LIBERTY AND THE IMPORTANT GROSS MOTOR SKILLS THAT CAN BE LEARNED FROM ROLLERBLADING
I HOPE HER SON IS NOTHING LIKE HER
LOVE YOUR MUM
PS THERE IS A RECIPE FOR CURRIED SAUSAGES ON PAGE 78 OF THIS RECIPE BOOK. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET IT STARTED?
Mum,
Thank you very much for writing your note in enormous purple texta and sticking it right in the middle of the fridge door. By lucky chance I had invited Saxon to have coffee at my place after running today, and the brightly-coloured note was impossible to miss. It was very good for him to see exactly what my mother thought of his mother.
Luckily for you, he just thought it was funny and laughed a lot.
I only just started the curried sausages ‘cause I was waiting for Saxon to go home, but they’re done now. (They’re on top of the stove.) Just taking Lochie for a walk and I’ll be back soon.
Love,
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth Garry,
We feel that it is our duty to ensure that you are not getting any crazy ideas. This young man who’s been talking to you on the bus? What’s his name – Saxon Walker? He is simply not ever going to be interested in you.
My dear child, he is a popular boy, a cool boy, smart, funny, athletic and gorgeous. Perhaps in your imagination such a boy might be interested in you. But never in reality, Elizabeth. Never.
You are merely a running partner to him. No more.
We do not wish to offend you, only to warn you.
Best wishes,
COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION
Dear Ms Clarry,
Okay, first of all, don’t get your hopes up here. This is NOT an invitation to join our society . Not that we think you’re really hideous or anything, but you’ve got to be kidding! Ever seen your ears , Elizabeth? Ever seen the freckles on your arms?
Anyway, we’re sure we don’t have to explain about that .
We are actually writing to discuss a different (but connected) issue. See, there are certain types of boys in the world, and there are certain types of girls. For example, there are ugly girls, and there are ugly boys. It’s perfectly okay for an ugly boy to ask out an ugly girl. Just as it’s perfectly okay for an ordinary girl to go out with an ordinary boy. Sometimes, if
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