Fidel: Hollywood's Favorite Tyrant by Humberto Fontova

temple, just missing his brain. The scar is visible in all post–April 1961 pictures of the gallant Che (the picture we see on posters and T-shirts was shot a year earlier.)
    Cuban novelist Guillermo Cabrera Infante, a Fidelista at the time, speculates the wound might have come from a botched suicide attempt. 5 No way! snort Che hagiographers John Lee Anderson, Carlos Castaneda, and Paco Taibo. They insist it was an accident, Che’s own pistol going off just under his face. So it was either a suicide attempt or ineptitude.
    Later, many Cuban American Bay of Pigs vets itched to get back into the fight against the Communists (but with ammo and air cover this time). The CIA obliged and sent them with ex-marine Rip Robertson to the Congo in 1965. There they linked up with the legendary mercenary “Mad Mike” Hoare and his “Wild Geese.” Here’s Mike Hoare’s opinion—after watching them in battle—of the Cuban American CIA troops: “These Cuban-CIA men were as tough, dedicated and impetuous a group of soldiers as I’ve ever had the honor of commanding. Their leader [Rip Robertson] was the most extraordinary and dedicated soldier I’ve ever met.” 6
    Together Mad Mike, Rip, and the freedom-loving Cubans made short work of the alternately Chinese- and Soviet-backed “Simbas” of Laurent Kabila, who were murdering, raping, and munching (many were cannibals) their way through the defenseless Europeans still left in the recently abandoned Belgian colony.
    Castro, itching to be rid of Che, sent him (codenamed “Tatu”) and a force of his rebel army “veterans” to help the Congolese cannibals and Communists. The masterful Tatu’s first order of business was plotting an elaborate ambush on a garrison guarding a hydroelectric plant at Front Bendela on the Kimbi River in eastern Congo. The wily Tatu stealthily led his force into position when they heard shots. Whoops! Hey! What the . . . ! The garrison Tatu thought was guarding the plant ambushed the ambushers. Che lost half his men and barely escaped with his life. 7
    The brilliant Tatu and his comandantes got a second chance to fight the mad dogs of imperialism at a place called Fizi Baraka in the eastern Congo, where his men had mountainous high ground, perfect defensive positions, and a ten to one advantage in men. Mad Mike and his CIA allies sized the place up and attacked. Within one day, the mighty Che’s entire force was scrambling away in panic, throwing away their arms, running and screaming like old ladies with rats running up their legs. Don’t take my word for it, take Che’s—and the BBC’s: “Che Guevara’s seven-month stay in the Fizi Baraka mountains was, as he admits himself, an ‘unmitigated disaster.’ ” 8
    One of the most hilarious and enduring hoaxes of the twentieth century was the “war” fought by dauntless Che and the Castro rebels against Batista. But I hear it was a kick—a fun way for adolescents to harass adults, loot, rustle a few cows, and play army on weekends with real guns, maybe even getting off a few shots, usually into the air. What seventeen-or eighteen-year-old male could resist? Petty delinquency became not just altruism here, but downright heroism. How many punks get such a window of glory? Normally these stunts land you in reform school. In Cuba in 1958, it might get your picture in the New York Times .
    Here’s an insider account of one such “battle,” from “Comandante” William Morgan, as recounted to Paul Bethel, who was the press attaché at the American embassy in Cuba in 1959. Bethel describes “Comandante” Morgan recalling the ruse with “great merriment.” “It was all a tremendous propaganda play.... We broadcast fake battle commands [using a short-wave radio], directed fictitious troops here and there, and had a helluva time.... For background noises we used Browning automatics, rifles and pistols. . . . We yelled a lot too.” 9
    Here’s another insider account from Bethel’s superb and