that shocked him: he liked being with Mia, he liked talking to her and making her laugh. She was beautiful and smart and funny and sexy and he wanted her so badly.
“Right. Ummm.” Mia looked down at her notes. “The one thing we never talked about at the gym was how you got in to karate in the first place.”
He leaned back. “Yeah. That’s a bit of a story.”
“OK. I’m listening.”
Nick was quiet.
“Nick? Is something wrong?”
“It’s just – Adam is the only person who knows the real reason that I got in to karate. When anyone asks, I always say that I was drawn to the discipline, and that it’s an ancient art worthy of respect and reverence, and that it makes me strong physically and mentally. But none of that is true.”
Mia waited.
“The truth is… I got in to it for less-than-honorable reasons, at first. I got in to it for revenge.”
“Revenge?”
“Yeah. I was going to hurt some people very badly, and I wanted the satisfaction of doing it with my bare hands.”
The look on his face made Mia shiver.
“About twelve years ago, I had a girlfriend. Shelley. My high-school sweetheart, you know, and we had plans to leave our little hometown and start a new life together in a big city. We saved up some money and went to Dallas for a holiday, to check out the city and to see if we’d maybe want to move there. I was almost twenty-one years old and just dying to start my life, you know?”
She nodded.
“Anyway, we were walking down this one side-street in Dallas. Bad neighborhood, but we didn’t know. We were jumped and robbed. I got the crap beaten out of me and Shelley was pushed in to the street. A car ran her over.” He stopped as his throat closed up. “Shelley died.”
“Nick. Oh, my God.”
“I started to think: what if I’d been able to fight back? I mean, I was big and tough – I had played football all through high school and I was in great shape. But I had no idea how to fight… I had never even really punched anybody in my life. If I had learned, would Shelley still be alive? I was sure she would be.”
“Nick.” Mia was horrified. “Nick, you have no way of knowing that.”
“Maybe not. But I went back home determined to learn to fight. Karate felt right to me – the idea of being able to kill a man with a single blow to the throat appealed. So I started training and it turned out, I was good at it. I was also pretty driven. The guys who had killed Shelley would be out of jail in about six years, and I was going to be ready for them.”
“What were you going to do?”
Nick’s gray eyes were hard. “Beat them almost to death. Maybe even to death, if that felt right at the moment.”
Mia felt tears in her eyes. “Oh, Nick…”
“But the strangest thing happened as I advanced in karate: I started to learn about the awesome responsibility that comes with the power to hurt – even kill – someone else. I started to really think about how the strong have a duty to use their strength to protect the weak, not to hurt them. And after more than five years of intensive training from a very good teacher – a teacher who didn’t neglect the self-control part of karate – it turned out, I was almost always the strongest and deadliest person in the room. That made me responsible for others. That meant I had to take care of people who couldn’t do what I could.”
She nodded.
“So, I let it go, Mia… all that anger at those guys and myself. But I didn’t let any other woman in. I haven’t, not since Shelley.” He flushed. “I’ve been – I’ve been a real asshole about women. Twelve years of one-night-stands and meaningless fucks and nameless sex.”
She was silent.
He met her eyes. “Does that disgust you, Mia?”
“No. No, I understand.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You were in pain, and people in pain do lots of things that aren’t really healthy or good for them… they really do their best to keep other people away.”
“But I want to change
“Right. Ummm.” Mia looked down at her notes. “The one thing we never talked about at the gym was how you got in to karate in the first place.”
He leaned back. “Yeah. That’s a bit of a story.”
“OK. I’m listening.”
Nick was quiet.
“Nick? Is something wrong?”
“It’s just – Adam is the only person who knows the real reason that I got in to karate. When anyone asks, I always say that I was drawn to the discipline, and that it’s an ancient art worthy of respect and reverence, and that it makes me strong physically and mentally. But none of that is true.”
Mia waited.
“The truth is… I got in to it for less-than-honorable reasons, at first. I got in to it for revenge.”
“Revenge?”
“Yeah. I was going to hurt some people very badly, and I wanted the satisfaction of doing it with my bare hands.”
The look on his face made Mia shiver.
“About twelve years ago, I had a girlfriend. Shelley. My high-school sweetheart, you know, and we had plans to leave our little hometown and start a new life together in a big city. We saved up some money and went to Dallas for a holiday, to check out the city and to see if we’d maybe want to move there. I was almost twenty-one years old and just dying to start my life, you know?”
She nodded.
“Anyway, we were walking down this one side-street in Dallas. Bad neighborhood, but we didn’t know. We were jumped and robbed. I got the crap beaten out of me and Shelley was pushed in to the street. A car ran her over.” He stopped as his throat closed up. “Shelley died.”
“Nick. Oh, my God.”
“I started to think: what if I’d been able to fight back? I mean, I was big and tough – I had played football all through high school and I was in great shape. But I had no idea how to fight… I had never even really punched anybody in my life. If I had learned, would Shelley still be alive? I was sure she would be.”
“Nick.” Mia was horrified. “Nick, you have no way of knowing that.”
“Maybe not. But I went back home determined to learn to fight. Karate felt right to me – the idea of being able to kill a man with a single blow to the throat appealed. So I started training and it turned out, I was good at it. I was also pretty driven. The guys who had killed Shelley would be out of jail in about six years, and I was going to be ready for them.”
“What were you going to do?”
Nick’s gray eyes were hard. “Beat them almost to death. Maybe even to death, if that felt right at the moment.”
Mia felt tears in her eyes. “Oh, Nick…”
“But the strangest thing happened as I advanced in karate: I started to learn about the awesome responsibility that comes with the power to hurt – even kill – someone else. I started to really think about how the strong have a duty to use their strength to protect the weak, not to hurt them. And after more than five years of intensive training from a very good teacher – a teacher who didn’t neglect the self-control part of karate – it turned out, I was almost always the strongest and deadliest person in the room. That made me responsible for others. That meant I had to take care of people who couldn’t do what I could.”
She nodded.
“So, I let it go, Mia… all that anger at those guys and myself. But I didn’t let any other woman in. I haven’t, not since Shelley.” He flushed. “I’ve been – I’ve been a real asshole about women. Twelve years of one-night-stands and meaningless fucks and nameless sex.”
She was silent.
He met her eyes. “Does that disgust you, Mia?”
“No. No, I understand.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You were in pain, and people in pain do lots of things that aren’t really healthy or good for them… they really do their best to keep other people away.”
“But I want to change
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