Finding Home by Lauren K. McKellar

kitchen, where I expected to see Lily and Kyle. Instead, I found Lily’s mum.
    ‘Hi.’ She was moving a stainless steel milk jug around the coffee machine’s frother, her wiry brown hair bobbing around her face as she moved.
    ‘Hi, Mrs, um,’ I paused. What was Lily’s last name? Shit.
    ‘It’s not Mrs, it’s Miss. But you can call me Paula.’ She gave me the ghost of a smile. Lily’s mum looked more put together than she had the previous evening. Her eyes were more focused, even though they were still rimmed with red.
    ‘Hi, Paula.’ I collapsed like a sack of potatoes onto one of the white stools at the kitchen bench.
    ‘Would you like a coffee?’ Paula asked. I nodded.
    ‘Figures,’ she said, pouring a generous amount of milk into a dirty mug. ‘Lil always needs a big caffeine boost after a night at a party. Matter of fact, I do, too.’
    She took a huge swig from the glass she’d prepared, pausing to look at me before indulging in another mouthful. Then she filled the same cup up to the brim and shot it across the counter in my direction.
    I tried not to think about the fact that I’d just seen her drinking from my cup — a cardinal sin against hygiene — and took a tiny sip. The drink was bitter, and the milk lukewarm.
    ‘Maybe she gets it from me,’ Paula said, shrugging. ‘Your mum a big coffee drinker?’
    There it was — the big question.
    I had no idea why I didn’t just lie like I usually did, but after being on the Luke rollercoaster and having a couple of drinks the night before, I felt too exhausted to be creative.
    ‘She’s dead.’
    The words came out quicker than I thought they would. Paula looked at me, her tired, brown eyes studying my lighter ones warily.
    ‘Well, that’s one way to wake you up in the morning,’ she grumbled.
    ‘Sorry?’
    ‘I just meant that you shocked me. I need some more caffeine.’ Paula busied her shaking hands by making another cup. ‘I’m sorry. Is your dad around much?’ Beneath the jitteriness of her body and the trembling of her mouth, I could see genuine concern.
    ‘No, he’s not,’ I blurted out. My voice was shaky, but I couldn’t stop talking. ‘I have my aunt, though, and I’m fine with it.’
    ‘You’re clearly not fine with it, girl, but you’re not supposed to be. When did this happen?’ Now Paula was by my side, her arm hovering awkwardly over my shoulders.
    ‘Almost four months ago now,’ I said. It was surprisingly easy to talk to her about it, this total stranger. ‘I miss her.’
    I felt the pain start to ball up in my gut, rolling around in the pit of my stomach. I’d felt like this in the past. I knew I had to regain control or it was only a matter of time before I’d lose it.
    ‘You’re allowed to miss her, love.’ Paula’s hand was on my shoulder now. It was all I needed to give way to the sea of grief that had been lying dormant underneath the surface. The ball got larger, stronger. I felt my control starting to shift.
    ‘Hey, Mum. Hi, Amy.’ Lily breezed into the kitchen and opened the fridge, barely giving us a second glance.
    ‘Hi, Lily.’ Paula removed her hand from my shoulder. I shook myself, like I was rolling a big ball of pain off my back. I blinked, hard. It was okay. I was okay. Everything was going to be okay.
    ‘Hi, Lily,’ I said. Controlled words. No tone. Emotionally detached.
    ‘Hey, Amy. Sleep all right?’ If she noticed anything odd about the situation, she didn’t show it.
    ‘Yeah. I think I’m gonna head home now and get some study done, though.’ I pushed myself off the stool and headed to the lounge room to grab my backpack.
    ‘No worries, see ya Monday,’ Lily called out as I made my retreat. ‘Mum, can you make me some coffee, please?’
    * * *
    The walk home down the main street, past the single set of shops, took 20 minutes. God, I hated small towns. What the hell did anyone do here to kill the time besides getting drunk?
    I got home and found Lou seated on the