Fire and Forget by Matt Gallagher Page B

tuning in to a football game.
    She touches the balcony’s door handle, about to go outside alone.
    â€œThis feels good,” Colin says, and she looks at him, mystified. The beer bottle and remote? The burger on his belly? The football game on a TV smaller than the flat-screen they have at home?
    â€œWhat?” she asks. “What feels good?”
    His eyes meet hers. “I almost forgot what it’s like. . . .” He hesitates, as if realizing whatever he is about to say is as much an insult as a compliment.
    â€œWhat? To be married?” she finishes.
    Colin nods. His eyes go back to the game. Evie continues to watch him, waiting for more. But she notices something. He is sitting still. He has not moved the remote or the burger or the beer. If she squints, the man almost looks like he is in a hammock.
    Â Evie glances out the window, watching the waves come in or out, high tide or low tide, she’s not sure. She imagines sharks, always moving through that dark unknown, searching and hungry. She lets go of the door handle and goes to the bed, slides in next to Colin. He hands her his beer and she takes a sip.
    Not taking his eyes off the television, he says, “Guys would hear a lot of shit, a lot of stories about their wives back home.” Evie pauses, the bottle midair, too much beer filling her mouth. “But I never doubted you, Evie. Never.”
    â€œGood,” she replies, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She can’t tell if she is relieved or horrified at the implication of rumors, at the thought that Colin might have heard something after all. It is the moment she has been waiting for. But she is suddenly so tired she can barely hold the bottle out to him.
    He takes the beer and she curls deep into the bed, watching his profile, hearing the sportscasters murmur and the air conditioner hum. She needs to stop thinking, she tells herself, she needs to stop wondering where she’d be right now if John from Austin had called again and thoroughly changed the events of her life, changed them in such a way that she would never have heard how much her husband trusted her.
    All soldiers are affected by combat. It is normal for soldiers to experience symptoms due to their deployment experiences. Some may need help for their reactions. You, too, may experience mental health issues after your soldier’s deployment. A family member with a mental health concern may affect the rest of the family. Make your family’s mental health a priority!
    Evie wakes with a start. Colin’s hands are sliding along the sides of his body, searching his ribs, his hips, his thighs.
    â€œShhh, Colin, you’re alright. Wake up, baby,” she whispers, sitting up and swinging her legs off the bed, her toes on the cool floor, ready to run. “It’s me, it’s Evie.” She can see the glitter of sweat and feel the heat coming off his body; she watches him roll over, his elbow hitting her now empty pillow. She stands, takes a step toward the bedside lamp, then hesitates. The balcony curtains are wide open and the moon, peeled and pale, hangs loosely over the night. It illuminates Colin so clearly she can see his reedy, powerful muscles working under the wrapper of sunburned skin.
    She thinks of the shark cage, how she pulled her hand out of his, how she left him alone and surrounded, watching from the safety of the boat. She thinks of John from Austin and his kiss. For these reasons, for so many others that might be flashing across Colin’s brain, jerking his unconscious body, she knows she ought to put as much distance as possible between herself and her husband.
    But Evie gets back into the bed. She touches him, her hand on his shoulder, daring the military life consultants, the chaplains, the psychiatrists, to be right, daring the sleeping man to strike.
    Her palm on his skin has the opposite effect. His breathing slows, his body stills, his sleep is quiet