brink.
Matt ran both hands through his hair and bit his lip. God, what was he doing? She was his friend. They were just friends, right?
Finn is God
We’re at 15,000 feet now, and when you look down at the ground, you immediately try to step away from the door. You want to bail on this. I back you up, and we let someone else jump first. I put my arms around your waist and pull you in, holding you, letting you know I’m with you. I tell you that you can do this, that you’re strong enough and brave enough. I tell you that you can do anything. So you nod and agree to jump.
We move to the edge of the plane again and pause. You cross your arms over your chest and lean your head back into me like I told you. I start to rock us back and forth, getting us ready to jump. And then we go.
Matt knew that he might have gone too far. That he might lose her now.
Or that Finn might lose her.
But he couldn’t stop because the thought of being able to hold her, to feel her against him while his arms wrapped around her protectively....
It was suddenly heartachingly clear how much he wanted this and how easy it was to imagine it with near provocative clarity. She was not just his friend. She was more.
Matt had spent quite a bit of time, he realized, watching Julie. Not just how beautiful she was, but how she moved, how she spoke, what made her laugh. He knew almost too much. The way her body eased past his in the narrow kitchen, the way she brushed her hair from her face when she was studying, the way her eyes narrowed when she disagreed with something in a textbook. He knew her determination, her warmth, her openness.
Celeste was right. Damn it.
Matt’s breathing picked up a bit when she replied. She wanted him to keep going.
Julie Seagle
How do I feel when we jump?
Finn is God
The minute we hit the air, you are surprisingly relaxed. All of your problems seem to go away. Your stomach doesn’t drop. There’s no falling sensation. It’s just freeing. It’s as close to flying as you’ll ever get. A calm like you’ve never known before, and you don’t want it to end.
Matt put a hand on the back of his neck. God, was he sweating?
Finn is God
So we freefall like this for 5,000 feet. We don’t want it to stop. We want to feel like this forever, lost in this experience. This is why people pull their chutes late, because freefalling is like a drug.
Julie Seagle
Or something else, I’m guessing.
Finn is God
Yes, or something else. They do call it an “airgasm” for a reason.
Julie Seagle
I can see why. But we have to pull the chute.
Finn is God
Yes, we have to pull the chute. So I do it. And it jerks us back—hard—but then we’re falling smoothly, softer than before, easily. We’re drifting together. It’s quieter now, and you can hear my voice.
Julie was completely with him, he knew. She was as much out of that elevator and in the heart of this fabricated but still very real moment as Matt was.
Julie Seagle
And what do you say to me?
Matt thought. What did he want to say to her? That right now he was accepting that it drove him crazy when she sat so close to him when they studied together, especially on his bed? That, while of course she was always beautiful, his legs would nearly give out when she came downstairs in the morning with her hair thrown into a messy knot smack on the top of her head and her robe wrinkled and barely tied? That he knew she liked to get dressed up for her nights out, but that he liked her Saturday afternoon look of yoga pants and no makeup? That the way she cared for Celeste with such abandon and acceptance moved him more than he could fathom? That she was skilled and talented and warm and patient enough that, seemingly without even trying, she’d drawn him in from the cold world where he had been living since that horrible day when Finn died?
Did he want to tell her the truth? Maybe she knew already or maybe it wouldn’t matter. All
Matt ran both hands through his hair and bit his lip. God, what was he doing? She was his friend. They were just friends, right?
Finn is God
We’re at 15,000 feet now, and when you look down at the ground, you immediately try to step away from the door. You want to bail on this. I back you up, and we let someone else jump first. I put my arms around your waist and pull you in, holding you, letting you know I’m with you. I tell you that you can do this, that you’re strong enough and brave enough. I tell you that you can do anything. So you nod and agree to jump.
We move to the edge of the plane again and pause. You cross your arms over your chest and lean your head back into me like I told you. I start to rock us back and forth, getting us ready to jump. And then we go.
Matt knew that he might have gone too far. That he might lose her now.
Or that Finn might lose her.
But he couldn’t stop because the thought of being able to hold her, to feel her against him while his arms wrapped around her protectively....
It was suddenly heartachingly clear how much he wanted this and how easy it was to imagine it with near provocative clarity. She was not just his friend. She was more.
Matt had spent quite a bit of time, he realized, watching Julie. Not just how beautiful she was, but how she moved, how she spoke, what made her laugh. He knew almost too much. The way her body eased past his in the narrow kitchen, the way she brushed her hair from her face when she was studying, the way her eyes narrowed when she disagreed with something in a textbook. He knew her determination, her warmth, her openness.
Celeste was right. Damn it.
Matt’s breathing picked up a bit when she replied. She wanted him to keep going.
Julie Seagle
How do I feel when we jump?
Finn is God
The minute we hit the air, you are surprisingly relaxed. All of your problems seem to go away. Your stomach doesn’t drop. There’s no falling sensation. It’s just freeing. It’s as close to flying as you’ll ever get. A calm like you’ve never known before, and you don’t want it to end.
Matt put a hand on the back of his neck. God, was he sweating?
Finn is God
So we freefall like this for 5,000 feet. We don’t want it to stop. We want to feel like this forever, lost in this experience. This is why people pull their chutes late, because freefalling is like a drug.
Julie Seagle
Or something else, I’m guessing.
Finn is God
Yes, or something else. They do call it an “airgasm” for a reason.
Julie Seagle
I can see why. But we have to pull the chute.
Finn is God
Yes, we have to pull the chute. So I do it. And it jerks us back—hard—but then we’re falling smoothly, softer than before, easily. We’re drifting together. It’s quieter now, and you can hear my voice.
Julie was completely with him, he knew. She was as much out of that elevator and in the heart of this fabricated but still very real moment as Matt was.
Julie Seagle
And what do you say to me?
Matt thought. What did he want to say to her? That right now he was accepting that it drove him crazy when she sat so close to him when they studied together, especially on his bed? That, while of course she was always beautiful, his legs would nearly give out when she came downstairs in the morning with her hair thrown into a messy knot smack on the top of her head and her robe wrinkled and barely tied? That he knew she liked to get dressed up for her nights out, but that he liked her Saturday afternoon look of yoga pants and no makeup? That the way she cared for Celeste with such abandon and acceptance moved him more than he could fathom? That she was skilled and talented and warm and patient enough that, seemingly without even trying, she’d drawn him in from the cold world where he had been living since that horrible day when Finn died?
Did he want to tell her the truth? Maybe she knew already or maybe it wouldn’t matter. All
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