are we to question?”
Arno shrugged, but it didn’t feel like an excuse he could live with.
He tried to push the thoughts away, to focus on Veronica and their life together in Paradise. Some days he managed, some days he realised he was playing at the role, fixing a smile in place when really, deep down, his mood boiled. How could he enjoy what they had when he knew that others were suffering needlessly? Alonzo had said a paradise shared was a paradise doubled, how great an ecstasy would it be if he could bring those lost souls to the afterlife they deserved?
One night, as they lay on the bank of the stream, their naked bodies crackling pleasantly against the grass, Veronica turned to him and he saw she had tears in her eyes.
“I’ve lost you, haven’t I?” she asked. “The spark’s gone, you’re only half here.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve tried to leave the thoughts alone. I just...” He felt a surge of anger, having to express himself, to justify these worries when surely she should share them. “You see it’s wrong, don’t you?”
“I owe them nothing. Perhaps it’s right they’re trapped where they are. Who am I to say what their souls deserve? The people who watched me burn, who laughed as the flames turned my skin to crackling, should I want them here with me?”
“You could forgive them.”
“Why should I?”
He sat up, frustrated and confused, miserable that he had lost his grip on contentment. “I don’t know, perhaps you shouldn’t, I just can’t enjoy all this anymore.”
“Not even me?”
“It’s not about you. I don’t want to lose you but I can’t stay here either. I have to try and do something. I have to make the effort.”
“Even if you have to make it on your own?” No ‘we’ anymore, he noticed.
“Yes,” he admitted, “if that’s the way it has to be.”
“I don’t need you,” she said, “I was perfectly happy here on my own. I can always dream new lovers. Maybe that’s best, that way they cease to trouble you once you close the door on them.”
“I’m sorry. But if we have all eternity here what does it matter if I go? One day we’ll be back on this grass, looking up at that sky.”
“Such confidence.”
“You know what I mean. It’s not like any of this is going anywhere, is it? Heaven’s not going to fall. The Junction will always be there to do our dreaming in, the stream will be there to cool our feet. The grass will be here as our bed. Why not make the journey? Why not try? You said yourself, you can only kill a person once. What do we have to lose?”
She thought about that for awhile. Gazing up at the stars.
“To Hell,” she said after a few minutes, “back to the flames.” She looked at him and smiled; it wasn’t a good smile, hesitant and uncertain, but it would do for now. “I survived it once, I suppose I’ll survive it again.”
“Do you know the way?” he asked.
She shook her head. “But I know how to find out.”
She closed her eyes and between them a point of light appeared, slowly expanding until it hung between them, a small glowing orb.
“Take me to Arno James,” Veronica said.
The orb bobbed the couple of feet between them and hovered over Arno’s head. He looked up at it and it slowly dissipated and vanished.
“That’s a trick you didn’t teach me,” he said.
She shrugged. “Alonzo showed me when I first got here. But what did you need to find? I was here all along.”
He smiled at her and they lay down to sleep, his mind the clearest it had been for some time.
5.
I N THE MORNING , Arno was relieved to see that Veronica hadn’t changed her mind. Part of him had expected to wake alone, abandoned to his folly. If anything, she was more cheerful than ever.
“You seem happy,” he said, partly worried that drawing attention to it might break the magic.
“I was thinking about it before I fell asleep,” she said, “and I decided you were right. What’s the point of
Arno shrugged, but it didn’t feel like an excuse he could live with.
He tried to push the thoughts away, to focus on Veronica and their life together in Paradise. Some days he managed, some days he realised he was playing at the role, fixing a smile in place when really, deep down, his mood boiled. How could he enjoy what they had when he knew that others were suffering needlessly? Alonzo had said a paradise shared was a paradise doubled, how great an ecstasy would it be if he could bring those lost souls to the afterlife they deserved?
One night, as they lay on the bank of the stream, their naked bodies crackling pleasantly against the grass, Veronica turned to him and he saw she had tears in her eyes.
“I’ve lost you, haven’t I?” she asked. “The spark’s gone, you’re only half here.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve tried to leave the thoughts alone. I just...” He felt a surge of anger, having to express himself, to justify these worries when surely she should share them. “You see it’s wrong, don’t you?”
“I owe them nothing. Perhaps it’s right they’re trapped where they are. Who am I to say what their souls deserve? The people who watched me burn, who laughed as the flames turned my skin to crackling, should I want them here with me?”
“You could forgive them.”
“Why should I?”
He sat up, frustrated and confused, miserable that he had lost his grip on contentment. “I don’t know, perhaps you shouldn’t, I just can’t enjoy all this anymore.”
“Not even me?”
“It’s not about you. I don’t want to lose you but I can’t stay here either. I have to try and do something. I have to make the effort.”
“Even if you have to make it on your own?” No ‘we’ anymore, he noticed.
“Yes,” he admitted, “if that’s the way it has to be.”
“I don’t need you,” she said, “I was perfectly happy here on my own. I can always dream new lovers. Maybe that’s best, that way they cease to trouble you once you close the door on them.”
“I’m sorry. But if we have all eternity here what does it matter if I go? One day we’ll be back on this grass, looking up at that sky.”
“Such confidence.”
“You know what I mean. It’s not like any of this is going anywhere, is it? Heaven’s not going to fall. The Junction will always be there to do our dreaming in, the stream will be there to cool our feet. The grass will be here as our bed. Why not make the journey? Why not try? You said yourself, you can only kill a person once. What do we have to lose?”
She thought about that for awhile. Gazing up at the stars.
“To Hell,” she said after a few minutes, “back to the flames.” She looked at him and smiled; it wasn’t a good smile, hesitant and uncertain, but it would do for now. “I survived it once, I suppose I’ll survive it again.”
“Do you know the way?” he asked.
She shook her head. “But I know how to find out.”
She closed her eyes and between them a point of light appeared, slowly expanding until it hung between them, a small glowing orb.
“Take me to Arno James,” Veronica said.
The orb bobbed the couple of feet between them and hovered over Arno’s head. He looked up at it and it slowly dissipated and vanished.
“That’s a trick you didn’t teach me,” he said.
She shrugged. “Alonzo showed me when I first got here. But what did you need to find? I was here all along.”
He smiled at her and they lay down to sleep, his mind the clearest it had been for some time.
5.
I N THE MORNING , Arno was relieved to see that Veronica hadn’t changed her mind. Part of him had expected to wake alone, abandoned to his folly. If anything, she was more cheerful than ever.
“You seem happy,” he said, partly worried that drawing attention to it might break the magic.
“I was thinking about it before I fell asleep,” she said, “and I decided you were right. What’s the point of
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