had to go meet your friend for dinner?” I whisper, remembering him rushing out right after the shoot and getting in a car I didn’t recognize. “Who picked you up?”
He sighs and shakes his head.
“Kaleb,” he says. “He just dropped me off. Bray met me there and sat with me through everything he could.”
“Why’d you let him in and not me?” It hurts, and I don’t want to cry again, but everything today seems to have fallen down around me and I’m slowly trying to crawl out of the rubble in one piece. It’s not looking pretty, though. When he huffs and shakes his head I see him starting to build his walls again… the walls that kept me out the first time.
“He forced his way in, Al. I wasn’t going to even go to the doctor… Shit, I’m not even sure if I’m glad I did right about now. “
“Don’t say that.” I sit up, resting my hand on his arm.
“I mean it. I wouldn’t be this worried about shit and rethinking everything I ever did if I never knew.”
“Jesus, Lane… if you never found out I would’ve found you dead one day and never knew why!” I slap his arm and try to move my legs away from him, pissed that he could be that selfish. His hands tighten around my ankles, though, and he groans.
“Please, just listen to me, Al.” He moves his gaze to my eyes finally, and I see the tears threatening to spill over his eyelids. “Please.”
“Fine... I’m all ears.” I slump back down, rage, hurt, anger, and fear rolling through me. He takes a moment to compose his thoughts, then he finally opens up to me. He finally talks about what I can tell he’s been avoiding this whole time.
“There’s a lot I’ve done in my life. A lot I’m proud of, and some I’m not. I’ve done things I wish I never would have done, and there are things I wish I would’ve done a long time ago and never did. I left my family years ago and haven’t looked back… I haven’t had contact with them since I walked out their front door almost ten years ago. I don’t know what my brother looks like, I don’t know if any of them are still alive or in jail or what.”
“It’s not too late-”
“I’m not finished.” He whispers a curse then sighs and shakes his head. “Come here,” he says, pulling me up by my arm.
I sit up and don’t put up a fight as he lifts me up to sit on his lap. The knot growing in my throat is almost painful because of my trying to get it to go away. He takes his hands and rests them on the side of my face. When he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on mine I feel a tear slip down my cheek. I’ve never known Lane to be this open with anyone. This is too real. He’s hurting and I’m being selfish. Why am I mad at him? He’s scared right now, and I’m being a bitch to him. My hands instinctively go to his arms as we sit here, foreheads touching, breaths synced, for what feels like a lifetime. In a hushed tone, he finally starts talking.
“I didn’t want to tell you right away… not because I don’t want you to know… but because I couldn’t stand the thought of you hurting for no reason.” His voice a raw whisper, he takes a breath and backs his head away, his thumbs gently caressing my cheek. I’m in awe of this man right now. Lane Sheridan, my best friend on this planet and the man I’m madly in love with, is hurting so bad and I can’t do anything to help him. Fuck this hurts. “I was going to tell you, Al. I promise. I was going to call you tonight. I was going to come over and tell you. In person. I just… I couldn’t make you worry if it were for nothing.”
“I’m your best friend, Lane. I can handle it,” I whisper, resting my hands on his.
He shakes his head and gently chuckles, his hands moving to my thighs, squeezing gently.
“You don’t get it do you?” He asks, his hands returning to cup my face. “I love you, Al.” His voice not pained anymore, his eyes brighter than I’ve seen them in days. My heart is practically beating
He sighs and shakes his head.
“Kaleb,” he says. “He just dropped me off. Bray met me there and sat with me through everything he could.”
“Why’d you let him in and not me?” It hurts, and I don’t want to cry again, but everything today seems to have fallen down around me and I’m slowly trying to crawl out of the rubble in one piece. It’s not looking pretty, though. When he huffs and shakes his head I see him starting to build his walls again… the walls that kept me out the first time.
“He forced his way in, Al. I wasn’t going to even go to the doctor… Shit, I’m not even sure if I’m glad I did right about now. “
“Don’t say that.” I sit up, resting my hand on his arm.
“I mean it. I wouldn’t be this worried about shit and rethinking everything I ever did if I never knew.”
“Jesus, Lane… if you never found out I would’ve found you dead one day and never knew why!” I slap his arm and try to move my legs away from him, pissed that he could be that selfish. His hands tighten around my ankles, though, and he groans.
“Please, just listen to me, Al.” He moves his gaze to my eyes finally, and I see the tears threatening to spill over his eyelids. “Please.”
“Fine... I’m all ears.” I slump back down, rage, hurt, anger, and fear rolling through me. He takes a moment to compose his thoughts, then he finally opens up to me. He finally talks about what I can tell he’s been avoiding this whole time.
“There’s a lot I’ve done in my life. A lot I’m proud of, and some I’m not. I’ve done things I wish I never would have done, and there are things I wish I would’ve done a long time ago and never did. I left my family years ago and haven’t looked back… I haven’t had contact with them since I walked out their front door almost ten years ago. I don’t know what my brother looks like, I don’t know if any of them are still alive or in jail or what.”
“It’s not too late-”
“I’m not finished.” He whispers a curse then sighs and shakes his head. “Come here,” he says, pulling me up by my arm.
I sit up and don’t put up a fight as he lifts me up to sit on his lap. The knot growing in my throat is almost painful because of my trying to get it to go away. He takes his hands and rests them on the side of my face. When he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on mine I feel a tear slip down my cheek. I’ve never known Lane to be this open with anyone. This is too real. He’s hurting and I’m being selfish. Why am I mad at him? He’s scared right now, and I’m being a bitch to him. My hands instinctively go to his arms as we sit here, foreheads touching, breaths synced, for what feels like a lifetime. In a hushed tone, he finally starts talking.
“I didn’t want to tell you right away… not because I don’t want you to know… but because I couldn’t stand the thought of you hurting for no reason.” His voice a raw whisper, he takes a breath and backs his head away, his thumbs gently caressing my cheek. I’m in awe of this man right now. Lane Sheridan, my best friend on this planet and the man I’m madly in love with, is hurting so bad and I can’t do anything to help him. Fuck this hurts. “I was going to tell you, Al. I promise. I was going to call you tonight. I was going to come over and tell you. In person. I just… I couldn’t make you worry if it were for nothing.”
“I’m your best friend, Lane. I can handle it,” I whisper, resting my hands on his.
He shakes his head and gently chuckles, his hands moving to my thighs, squeezing gently.
“You don’t get it do you?” He asks, his hands returning to cup my face. “I love you, Al.” His voice not pained anymore, his eyes brighter than I’ve seen them in days. My heart is practically beating
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