wallowing in self pity that the man I love has cancer, I’m strapping on my big girl panties and I’m forcing his ass to kick the ass of this demon that’s made its way into his body.
Then I’ll tell him how much I love him.
Sounds like a good plan.
By the time we set up his scans and treatments for the week it’s already dinner time and he’s had multiple pain spells. Braydon drops us off at the apartment and heads out to grab us some Thai food to give us a little alone time. We need to talk about this, and I need him to understand that just becase he has cancer doesn’t mean he’s going to die.
“You want anything to drink?” he asks from the kitchen.
“No I’m good,” I say, plopping down on the couch and grabbing a blanket. It’s not cold in here, but I have the chills and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting sick or that I’m seriously nervous about this conversation.
Probably the latter of the two.
“So…” he drawls out, sitting on the couch next to me. I instinctively put my legs on his lap and stretch out, resting my back on the arm of the couch. We sit like this sometimes while watching movies, so it’s nothing new, but after the parking lot incident I can’t help but feel a warmth speading to parts of my body that don’t need to be warm right now.
Like between my legs.
His hand instinctively rests on my shin and he takes a deep breath. I’m trying not to start in on him with the questions. I know he’s going to tell me everything tonight, and I know it’s all coming out… I don’t want to be the nagging friend. He takes a breath and prepares himself for the hardest thing he’s ever had to tell me.
“About a month ago I started having terrible pains… horrible. Mostly stomach pains, some full body, some back pains. They would wake me up in the middle of the night, hit me while I’m working out… there was no rhyme or reason to them. I tried changing my diet, exercise… got a new mattress topper thinking it was that. It wasn’t until Braydon caught one of my spells that he talked me into seeing a doctor.”
He takes a moment to compose his thoughts and I think back to the last month. He has been acting a little different towards me but I had assumed it’d been because he had a girlfriend he didn’t want me to know about. I’m not sure why my mind went to that, but it did, and now I feel like a horrible friend for not noticing something’s been wrong with him all this time.
“As soon as they felt around and did some blood work and saw very abnormal levels of bilirubin they knew it was beyond their practice.”
“Isn’t that something that happens with babies?” I remember a friend’s baby having the bilirubin test, but I’ve never heard of it for adults.
“It can happen with anyone, Al. It’s a chemical that can reach high levels in patients with pancreatic cancer due to blockage of the common bile duct.”
“How do you know all of this already?”
I sigh when his hands start to massage my shin gently, loving the feel of my body on his. Even if it’s just the legs, I’ll take what I can get.
“They referred me to Dr. Stanley. My appointment with him was about as fast paced as doctor appointments go… until they read the scans and the initial tests started coming back. He spent a lot of time with me going over things that day because he could see I was nervous. I guess shit like that just sticks.” He pauses and sighs, running his hands down his face before going back to my massage. “Then the biopsy happened and-”
“When?”
“When what?” He takes my foot and slips my shoe off, then gently starts rubbing my foot and I feel that heat again, right when I shouldn’t be.
“When was the biopsy?” I whisper, thinking back to last week.
“Last Thursday afternoon.” He’s not looking at me, but intently rubbing the insole of my foot and studying the way his hand glides along my skin.
Jesus that feels good.
“When you told me you
Then I’ll tell him how much I love him.
Sounds like a good plan.
By the time we set up his scans and treatments for the week it’s already dinner time and he’s had multiple pain spells. Braydon drops us off at the apartment and heads out to grab us some Thai food to give us a little alone time. We need to talk about this, and I need him to understand that just becase he has cancer doesn’t mean he’s going to die.
“You want anything to drink?” he asks from the kitchen.
“No I’m good,” I say, plopping down on the couch and grabbing a blanket. It’s not cold in here, but I have the chills and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting sick or that I’m seriously nervous about this conversation.
Probably the latter of the two.
“So…” he drawls out, sitting on the couch next to me. I instinctively put my legs on his lap and stretch out, resting my back on the arm of the couch. We sit like this sometimes while watching movies, so it’s nothing new, but after the parking lot incident I can’t help but feel a warmth speading to parts of my body that don’t need to be warm right now.
Like between my legs.
His hand instinctively rests on my shin and he takes a deep breath. I’m trying not to start in on him with the questions. I know he’s going to tell me everything tonight, and I know it’s all coming out… I don’t want to be the nagging friend. He takes a breath and prepares himself for the hardest thing he’s ever had to tell me.
“About a month ago I started having terrible pains… horrible. Mostly stomach pains, some full body, some back pains. They would wake me up in the middle of the night, hit me while I’m working out… there was no rhyme or reason to them. I tried changing my diet, exercise… got a new mattress topper thinking it was that. It wasn’t until Braydon caught one of my spells that he talked me into seeing a doctor.”
He takes a moment to compose his thoughts and I think back to the last month. He has been acting a little different towards me but I had assumed it’d been because he had a girlfriend he didn’t want me to know about. I’m not sure why my mind went to that, but it did, and now I feel like a horrible friend for not noticing something’s been wrong with him all this time.
“As soon as they felt around and did some blood work and saw very abnormal levels of bilirubin they knew it was beyond their practice.”
“Isn’t that something that happens with babies?” I remember a friend’s baby having the bilirubin test, but I’ve never heard of it for adults.
“It can happen with anyone, Al. It’s a chemical that can reach high levels in patients with pancreatic cancer due to blockage of the common bile duct.”
“How do you know all of this already?”
I sigh when his hands start to massage my shin gently, loving the feel of my body on his. Even if it’s just the legs, I’ll take what I can get.
“They referred me to Dr. Stanley. My appointment with him was about as fast paced as doctor appointments go… until they read the scans and the initial tests started coming back. He spent a lot of time with me going over things that day because he could see I was nervous. I guess shit like that just sticks.” He pauses and sighs, running his hands down his face before going back to my massage. “Then the biopsy happened and-”
“When?”
“When what?” He takes my foot and slips my shoe off, then gently starts rubbing my foot and I feel that heat again, right when I shouldn’t be.
“When was the biopsy?” I whisper, thinking back to last week.
“Last Thursday afternoon.” He’s not looking at me, but intently rubbing the insole of my foot and studying the way his hand glides along my skin.
Jesus that feels good.
“When you told me you
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