need to stay away from one another now.
"It was wrong, and we were too young to understand what we were creating, but hopefully we’ve learned now and we can move on to some better things."
"I still love you, Walsh," she whispers.
"And I still love you, sweetheart—"
"So where does that leave us?"
I give her a small smile. She knows the answer to this. I only wish she wouldn’t make me say it out loud.
"Tammy. We harmed each other. Badly. No matter how well we understand the reasons why it all happened, it can’t change the fact that we did that damage. No amount of love prevented it. I think we pretty well proved we shouldn’t be within a fucking mile of each other."
She shakes her head. "No. We made some mistakes, we’ve been working through them, and we took time apart to do that. But now we’re better. We can start fresh. You’re part of me, Walsh. I can’t just leave you behind like I don’t need that part."
I feel the longing well up inside me. As much as I wish I could believe in what she says, I can’t. There is no way I will risk her heart or mine again. We’ve been through too much.
"I’m sorry, Tam. It’s too late. I can’t let either one of us go through that again. Any more might break one of us for good. It’s time to move on. You need to go back to Portland and"—I swallow down the bitter taste that I have in my throat and mouth—"and start a new life. Meet some great guy who doesn’t have all my baggage and takes care of you instead of expecting you to take care of him all the time."
"What?" Her voice is genuinely confused. "Find some great guy? Are you out of your mind, Walsh?" I see a flush come to her cheeks, and her voice rises. "Did you not hear what I just told you? I love you. You . Not some random guy in Portland who I haven’t even met yet. I don’t want someone else. I’ve never wanted anyone else—"
"Tammy," I interrupt. "You have to stop. Stop trying to fix something that can’t be fixed. You and I are done. I came here tonight to apologize, to ask forgiveness, to get it all out there, but we can’t go back. There’s nothing to go back to."
"I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward. With you ," she says, her jaw jutting out in a way that is all too familiar. Shit. Tammy DiLorenzo is in the house, and things are about to go from bad to worse.
"Tammy," I say with a warning tone in my voice. "I’m sorry if I misled you, but we’re over. We’ve been over for six months now—"
"You need to leave, Walsh," she says curtly. "This conversation isn’t done, not by a long shot, but my therapist warned me that, if I start to feel too angry, I need to take a step back."
I’m floored for a minute. Tammy has never, and I mean never, backed down when she wants her way. I’m stymied. I was gearing up for one our usual sessions of me trying to be reasonable and her bulldozing through any objections I might voice. Now, I don’t know what to say to this rational, albeit angry Tammy.
I realize I’m gaping at her, so I shut my mouth and lean forward in my chair. "Maybe—"
She stands up. "I’m sorry, Walsh. I really need to follow what I’ve been taught about these feelings. I need to be alone for a while right now."
She walks to the door and holds it open, indicating that my visit is over. I shake my head in wonder before standing up and walking to the open doorway. When I reach her, I lean forward to see under the curtain of hair that hangs alongside her face. She’s trying to avoid looking directly at me.
"Have a beautiful life, pretty girl," I tell her softly as I let her hair brush my cheek when I lean in.
Her head pops up and she looks me straight in the eye, our faces close enough to feel each other’s warm breath.
"Don’t be ridiculous, Walsh. We’re not done. We never will be."
I step back and walk out the door, wondering if she’s just made me a promise or delivered a threat.
Tammy
A FTER W ALSH leaves the boarding house, I stomp around
"It was wrong, and we were too young to understand what we were creating, but hopefully we’ve learned now and we can move on to some better things."
"I still love you, Walsh," she whispers.
"And I still love you, sweetheart—"
"So where does that leave us?"
I give her a small smile. She knows the answer to this. I only wish she wouldn’t make me say it out loud.
"Tammy. We harmed each other. Badly. No matter how well we understand the reasons why it all happened, it can’t change the fact that we did that damage. No amount of love prevented it. I think we pretty well proved we shouldn’t be within a fucking mile of each other."
She shakes her head. "No. We made some mistakes, we’ve been working through them, and we took time apart to do that. But now we’re better. We can start fresh. You’re part of me, Walsh. I can’t just leave you behind like I don’t need that part."
I feel the longing well up inside me. As much as I wish I could believe in what she says, I can’t. There is no way I will risk her heart or mine again. We’ve been through too much.
"I’m sorry, Tam. It’s too late. I can’t let either one of us go through that again. Any more might break one of us for good. It’s time to move on. You need to go back to Portland and"—I swallow down the bitter taste that I have in my throat and mouth—"and start a new life. Meet some great guy who doesn’t have all my baggage and takes care of you instead of expecting you to take care of him all the time."
"What?" Her voice is genuinely confused. "Find some great guy? Are you out of your mind, Walsh?" I see a flush come to her cheeks, and her voice rises. "Did you not hear what I just told you? I love you. You . Not some random guy in Portland who I haven’t even met yet. I don’t want someone else. I’ve never wanted anyone else—"
"Tammy," I interrupt. "You have to stop. Stop trying to fix something that can’t be fixed. You and I are done. I came here tonight to apologize, to ask forgiveness, to get it all out there, but we can’t go back. There’s nothing to go back to."
"I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward. With you ," she says, her jaw jutting out in a way that is all too familiar. Shit. Tammy DiLorenzo is in the house, and things are about to go from bad to worse.
"Tammy," I say with a warning tone in my voice. "I’m sorry if I misled you, but we’re over. We’ve been over for six months now—"
"You need to leave, Walsh," she says curtly. "This conversation isn’t done, not by a long shot, but my therapist warned me that, if I start to feel too angry, I need to take a step back."
I’m floored for a minute. Tammy has never, and I mean never, backed down when she wants her way. I’m stymied. I was gearing up for one our usual sessions of me trying to be reasonable and her bulldozing through any objections I might voice. Now, I don’t know what to say to this rational, albeit angry Tammy.
I realize I’m gaping at her, so I shut my mouth and lean forward in my chair. "Maybe—"
She stands up. "I’m sorry, Walsh. I really need to follow what I’ve been taught about these feelings. I need to be alone for a while right now."
She walks to the door and holds it open, indicating that my visit is over. I shake my head in wonder before standing up and walking to the open doorway. When I reach her, I lean forward to see under the curtain of hair that hangs alongside her face. She’s trying to avoid looking directly at me.
"Have a beautiful life, pretty girl," I tell her softly as I let her hair brush my cheek when I lean in.
Her head pops up and she looks me straight in the eye, our faces close enough to feel each other’s warm breath.
"Don’t be ridiculous, Walsh. We’re not done. We never will be."
I step back and walk out the door, wondering if she’s just made me a promise or delivered a threat.
Tammy
A FTER W ALSH leaves the boarding house, I stomp around
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