room’s still open there, and until all this shit is sorted I’ll be there for as long as it takes to work it out.”
Tilly makes a move to walk around me and out the door, but before she makes it another step I have her pulled tight against my body with my arms wrapped around her waist.
“If you think this means I’m giving up, you’re fucking dead wrong. I’ll move out, give you your space, do almost anything you ask of me, but I’ll never stop fighting to win you back. You know that right? You know I’ll never fucking ever let you go don’t you?”
Burying her head in my chest I almost miss her say,
“I would hope not,” but I don’t. I hear every word loud and clear, and it gives me the one thing I thought I’d lost permanently, hope.
CHAPTER FOUR
Tallulah
“A relationship is like a house. If a light bulb goes out,
you don’t buy a new house. You fix the light bulb. Unless of course
that house is a lying whore. In that case you burn that fucker down,
and buy a better house with good light bulbs.”
- Facebook Post
It’s been two weeks since the day Saint moved out, and if I thought him being gone would get easier with time I was sorely mistaken. If anything it’s gotten harder. The girls, well Avery in particular, misses him desperately. Not a night goes by I don’t end up comforting her in her bed as she falls asleep crying, and begging me to make her daddy come home. It breaks my heart to see her so sad and hear her tiny whimpers as she tries to calm herself. She can’t comprehend why he’s not here, and I wouldn’t expect her to, she is only five after all. But hopefully in time, when she’s older, she will understand I made the only choice I could. For me and for them. But until then I just do my best to comfort her, and reassure her that while he isn’t here right now he loves her very much.
Dakota has been quieter and more introverted than usual, and as if feeding off her sisters’ energy, Nevie has too. It’s been years since Kota climbed into bed with me at night, but more often than not that’s where I find her when I wake up every morning. I don’t mind her doing it, in fact it is somewhat comforting for me too, but I can’t help thinking that if this is how badly it’s affecting her that it has her seeking out comfort in the middle of the night, how much pain is she internalizing.
Most nights Nevie is fussier to get to sleep too. It’s gotten to the point that it takes me rocking her to finally settle her into sleep. I love my little girl to pieces, she’s my baby after all, but I have to admit, the extra demands the girls are putting on my attention and the strain of the days becoming longer are quickly eating away at the last of my strength. I’d never deny them what they need to help them through this and of course I’ll give them all the support they need, but I’m quickly approaching a point where I’m finding I need some space to process everything that’s gone on myself. I’m reaching my breaking point, and I hate to think what will happen when I eventually get there.
The only bright spot during the last two weeks has been that Saint has held to his word, visiting the girls daily. He may not be here for long, sometimes only an hour at most, but it’s enough for the girls to see he’s still around, and for that I’m truly grateful. We don’t talk when he’s here. He spends as much of his short visits with the girls as he can while I go about my daily chores, and try my best to avoid him. Only once has he asked about why I won’t interact with him and the girls when he comes over, and after the way that conversation ended I don’t think he’ll be asking again any time soon.
I was in the kitchen when he came in just before he left after that days visit. My back was to the dining room and my earbuds were in, so when I felt two huge arms band around me it caused me to jump at least
Tilly makes a move to walk around me and out the door, but before she makes it another step I have her pulled tight against my body with my arms wrapped around her waist.
“If you think this means I’m giving up, you’re fucking dead wrong. I’ll move out, give you your space, do almost anything you ask of me, but I’ll never stop fighting to win you back. You know that right? You know I’ll never fucking ever let you go don’t you?”
Burying her head in my chest I almost miss her say,
“I would hope not,” but I don’t. I hear every word loud and clear, and it gives me the one thing I thought I’d lost permanently, hope.
CHAPTER FOUR
Tallulah
“A relationship is like a house. If a light bulb goes out,
you don’t buy a new house. You fix the light bulb. Unless of course
that house is a lying whore. In that case you burn that fucker down,
and buy a better house with good light bulbs.”
- Facebook Post
It’s been two weeks since the day Saint moved out, and if I thought him being gone would get easier with time I was sorely mistaken. If anything it’s gotten harder. The girls, well Avery in particular, misses him desperately. Not a night goes by I don’t end up comforting her in her bed as she falls asleep crying, and begging me to make her daddy come home. It breaks my heart to see her so sad and hear her tiny whimpers as she tries to calm herself. She can’t comprehend why he’s not here, and I wouldn’t expect her to, she is only five after all. But hopefully in time, when she’s older, she will understand I made the only choice I could. For me and for them. But until then I just do my best to comfort her, and reassure her that while he isn’t here right now he loves her very much.
Dakota has been quieter and more introverted than usual, and as if feeding off her sisters’ energy, Nevie has too. It’s been years since Kota climbed into bed with me at night, but more often than not that’s where I find her when I wake up every morning. I don’t mind her doing it, in fact it is somewhat comforting for me too, but I can’t help thinking that if this is how badly it’s affecting her that it has her seeking out comfort in the middle of the night, how much pain is she internalizing.
Most nights Nevie is fussier to get to sleep too. It’s gotten to the point that it takes me rocking her to finally settle her into sleep. I love my little girl to pieces, she’s my baby after all, but I have to admit, the extra demands the girls are putting on my attention and the strain of the days becoming longer are quickly eating away at the last of my strength. I’d never deny them what they need to help them through this and of course I’ll give them all the support they need, but I’m quickly approaching a point where I’m finding I need some space to process everything that’s gone on myself. I’m reaching my breaking point, and I hate to think what will happen when I eventually get there.
The only bright spot during the last two weeks has been that Saint has held to his word, visiting the girls daily. He may not be here for long, sometimes only an hour at most, but it’s enough for the girls to see he’s still around, and for that I’m truly grateful. We don’t talk when he’s here. He spends as much of his short visits with the girls as he can while I go about my daily chores, and try my best to avoid him. Only once has he asked about why I won’t interact with him and the girls when he comes over, and after the way that conversation ended I don’t think he’ll be asking again any time soon.
I was in the kitchen when he came in just before he left after that days visit. My back was to the dining room and my earbuds were in, so when I felt two huge arms band around me it caused me to jump at least
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