Forgive Me by Eliza Freed Page A

cheeks burn. Appropriateness, respect, manners, tact, civility, gentility — ever heard of them? My eyes harden on him. He is so awful, and yet I want to throw him to the ground and climb on top of him. He’s the most beautiful torture I’ve ever known. Jason stands up straight, watching me with his playful gray eyes reading the code of my DNA.
    “Save the silence for someone else,” he says, challenging me. “I know you’ve got plenty of words in there. You can say one.” Images of last night flash through my mind and a light sweat covers my body. I swallow hard at the memory of him…hard.
    “Decorum,” I say, still not moving any closer to him and the smile that crosses his face sends a chill down the back of my neck.
    “Oooh, a big one.” Jason holds out his hand and I take it and let him pull me toward him as his lips find my ear and he says, “I love it when you watch.” I kiss him because he’s depleted all my control and because he has to stop talking. At least like this. We are, after all in public. He kisses the side of my face as his hand threads into my hair and pulls it. His lips move to my ear again and his breath there buckles my knees. Jason holds me up and I open my eyes to center myself.
    “You smell like smoke. Are you high?” He asks.
    “No,” I answer without thinking. He pulls me back to see me.
    “No?” he asks again, doubting my answer.
    “I already answered the question,” I instinctively say, and he laughs a little and returns me to him. Almost as abruptly, he moves me away and looks over my shoulder, annoyed.
    “Hey Leer, that was awesome,” Sam says, and breaks Jason’s spell on me. Is that why he’s annoyed? Noble, Jenn, and Margo follow Sam and all express their astonishment over Jason’s “sport.”
    “We’re headed out to Stoners Lane after this if you want to come hang out,” Noble says to Jason, and I watch him, curious for his answer.
    Without even a glance in my direction he says, “Thanks, but I’ve started a new nighttime routine recently and I’m committed to it.” I lower my head so no one can see me. I’m sure my cheeks are turning purple.
    “I’m actually not in the mood for Stoners. Can you give me a ride home?” I ask Jason, and suddenly, I have everyone’s attention.
    “I’ll give you a ride,” he says, and all four thousand people in this arena disappear. I am ready to throw him down right here. Him and the shit-eating grin splattered across his face.
    “Oh no you don’t. It’s Saturday!” Jenn practically shouts.
    “It’s okay. Let’s take it easy. It’s only been a few weeks,” Margo says as she grabs Jenn’s arm. “We’ll call you tomorrow. Get some rest.” She collects them all and leads them away without anyone seeming to even notice my absence.
    *  *  *
    “I want to tie you up,” Jason says without taking his eyes off the road. I stare at his profile, the oncoming headlights illuminating it in a dark rhythm. He turns off Route 40 and we’re completely alone on Auburn Road. Completely alone.
    “Then you should.”
    His wicked smirk barely moves his face, but lights up his eyes. “Have you ever been tied up before?”
    “No,” I say, unaffected, and this makes him smile. I amuse him.
    “Were you telling the truth when you said you’d never had an orgasm before?”
    “Is that something people often lie about?” I ask, and tilt my head to see the stars. There are millions, as far as I can see, and I try to comprehend how I ended up here, in this truck, with this cowboy. According to Pastor Johnson it was planned before I was even born. The sharp pain of guilt stabs me in the stomach. Can someone be forgiven for giving God the big F-U?
    “Do you ever lie?” Jason’s voice soothes me and I turn toward him and move across the truck seat. He lifts his arm and wraps it around my shoulders. He smells of cigarettes and dirt and the combination is beginning to appeal to me. I slide my hand between his