nowhere to be found. I lost sight of him when the bulls came out.
The announcer focuses our attention on the near end of the arena for steer wrestling. According to my program Jason is the second competitor. Or is it wrestler? The first wrestler, Brad Riley, rides his horse out of the chute and follows the steer right out of the gate on the other side of the arena.
“What happened?”
“He didn’t catch him in time. He has to dive off his horse onto the steer,” Sam explains.
“Too bad, folks. Let’s show Brad some Cowtown love. He just spent the $100 entry plus gas to get here and is going home empty-handed,” the announcer says, as we all clap for Brad.
I can see Jason on his horse inside the gate farthest from me. Between us is another guy on a horse. Ollie, I think. The gates open and the steer runs out first. Jason chases him and dives off his horse onto the steer. My eyes never leave Jason’s body as he digs his heels in the dirt until the steer stops, then twists the steer until he falls onto his side and back. Jason stands up as the announcer says, “How about a Cowtown hand for our local boy Jason Leer and his outstanding 4.4-second run that puts him in first place.”
Jason turns toward me and I let the air out of my lungs. How long had I not been breathing? Four-point-four seconds, I guess. The bull riding frightened me, but watching Jason steer wrestle does something completely different to me. I take a deep breath and watch him walk out of the arena.
“Damn, Leer kicked that steer’s ass,” Sam says.
“Yes he did,” Margo adds, and we all stare at the arena as the next wrestlers take their turns, none of which are able to beat 4.4 seconds. Just like that. He won.
We stay seated, my friends’ high dissipating as Jenn drinks her purse beers. We watch the Bareback Riding, which is right out of the Wild West. These guys are getting their asses kicked and still don’t let go until the horn. Saddle Bronc Riding is next and seems only slightly more civilized. There are fewer entrants than Bareback because really, why use a saddle if you’re into this in the first place? Next on the program is something called Tie Down Roping. A cowboy on a horse chases a calf and then lassos him. The calf looks like it’s choked out as the cowboy jumps off his horse, throws the calf down and then ties three of its legs together.
“Oh God. How barbaric,” I say, my face trapped in horror for the calf.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Sam says, as the calf gets up and prances out of the arena as if it’s had the best night of its life.
“Yeah, if you’re an animal in Salem County you’d rather spend your Saturday nights with the cowboys than the hunters,” Jenn adds.
“I guess. I’m going to go to the bathroom.” I need a break from the rodeo before God-knows-what event comes next.
“Don’t get lost. I think we’re leaving soon,” Margo says, and it sounds like some other warning.
I climb over Margo and Noble, and make my way to the bathrooms. There’s a short line in which I say hello to Mrs. Heitter and Ms. Cioffi. They both have no idea what to say to me so instead of searching for the right thing, just stumble over their condolences and end it with a big hug. I don’t know what to say either. I stand facing the empty bathrooms alone, and cry for my mother. She didn’t want me in this world, I think as I look around the arena without an ounce of guilt.
I didn’t want her to leave mine.
* * *
When I come out Jason is leaning on the fence railing directly across from the bathrooms. He’s alone and appears to be waiting for me, but how did he know I was here? I walk toward him and stop about three feet away, which he apparently finds hilarious.
“That might have been the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen,” I say, bursting with admiration.
“More impressive than when I took you from behind last night? I saw you watching in the mirror.”
My mouth falls open and my
The announcer focuses our attention on the near end of the arena for steer wrestling. According to my program Jason is the second competitor. Or is it wrestler? The first wrestler, Brad Riley, rides his horse out of the chute and follows the steer right out of the gate on the other side of the arena.
“What happened?”
“He didn’t catch him in time. He has to dive off his horse onto the steer,” Sam explains.
“Too bad, folks. Let’s show Brad some Cowtown love. He just spent the $100 entry plus gas to get here and is going home empty-handed,” the announcer says, as we all clap for Brad.
I can see Jason on his horse inside the gate farthest from me. Between us is another guy on a horse. Ollie, I think. The gates open and the steer runs out first. Jason chases him and dives off his horse onto the steer. My eyes never leave Jason’s body as he digs his heels in the dirt until the steer stops, then twists the steer until he falls onto his side and back. Jason stands up as the announcer says, “How about a Cowtown hand for our local boy Jason Leer and his outstanding 4.4-second run that puts him in first place.”
Jason turns toward me and I let the air out of my lungs. How long had I not been breathing? Four-point-four seconds, I guess. The bull riding frightened me, but watching Jason steer wrestle does something completely different to me. I take a deep breath and watch him walk out of the arena.
“Damn, Leer kicked that steer’s ass,” Sam says.
“Yes he did,” Margo adds, and we all stare at the arena as the next wrestlers take their turns, none of which are able to beat 4.4 seconds. Just like that. He won.
We stay seated, my friends’ high dissipating as Jenn drinks her purse beers. We watch the Bareback Riding, which is right out of the Wild West. These guys are getting their asses kicked and still don’t let go until the horn. Saddle Bronc Riding is next and seems only slightly more civilized. There are fewer entrants than Bareback because really, why use a saddle if you’re into this in the first place? Next on the program is something called Tie Down Roping. A cowboy on a horse chases a calf and then lassos him. The calf looks like it’s choked out as the cowboy jumps off his horse, throws the calf down and then ties three of its legs together.
“Oh God. How barbaric,” I say, my face trapped in horror for the calf.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Sam says, as the calf gets up and prances out of the arena as if it’s had the best night of its life.
“Yeah, if you’re an animal in Salem County you’d rather spend your Saturday nights with the cowboys than the hunters,” Jenn adds.
“I guess. I’m going to go to the bathroom.” I need a break from the rodeo before God-knows-what event comes next.
“Don’t get lost. I think we’re leaving soon,” Margo says, and it sounds like some other warning.
I climb over Margo and Noble, and make my way to the bathrooms. There’s a short line in which I say hello to Mrs. Heitter and Ms. Cioffi. They both have no idea what to say to me so instead of searching for the right thing, just stumble over their condolences and end it with a big hug. I don’t know what to say either. I stand facing the empty bathrooms alone, and cry for my mother. She didn’t want me in this world, I think as I look around the arena without an ounce of guilt.
I didn’t want her to leave mine.
* * *
When I come out Jason is leaning on the fence railing directly across from the bathrooms. He’s alone and appears to be waiting for me, but how did he know I was here? I walk toward him and stop about three feet away, which he apparently finds hilarious.
“That might have been the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen,” I say, bursting with admiration.
“More impressive than when I took you from behind last night? I saw you watching in the mirror.”
My mouth falls open and my
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