marry to save face, I was torn because I wanted to finish my studies still but I couldn’t. I wanted my dream career but I couldn’t. I was too sick and then they wanted us to get married before I started showing too much. When the baby did not make it that broke my heart! Do you remember all of that Marcus?”
“Yes, I do remember but I thought all of that was in the past for you, and for us. We love each other and we have moved past all of that now.”
“ Moved past? You must be one of the blindest people that I have had the misfortune to know,” she said harshly. “Do you even remember that my audition with the record label was the same month of our wedding and I gave that up too?”
Marcus could not stand the look of pain he saw in Natasha’s eyes or heard in her voice. It was the first time in about a year that she was finally letting him look inside to see the raw anger and hurt that she kept boiling beneath the cool and unaffected surface facade she usually displayed.
“Yes , I remember how disappointed you were, but I thought we had decided to build a new life and to see what new avenues would open up for us?”replied Marcus racking his brain to find a way to get her to stop and see reason.
“Don’t you see? The only avenues that opened up were breakthroughs for you. You got your books published and became an international best - selling author. You were able to purchase two restaurants and you have become a wealthy man. Look at me, no college degree, singing a few nights at your restaurant, singing occasionally at church in the choir when my time on the roster rolls around every few weeks, and teaching art part-time in a grubby preschool that makes me want to scream every single day that I am there? Where are my dreams in the midst of all of that? I’m Marcus’ Nicholls’ wife, and the Reverend’s daughter. That is all anyone ever sees when they look at me.”
“But I ‘ve given you a good life Natasha, I‘ve given you my love that has never changed! I did not buy those things for me, they are ours, all of them!” said Marcus incredulously wondering how she could think that their restaurants were his alone. Everything he did was for her and everything he had was hers too!
“ I never asked you to give me a good life Marcus!”
“But Natasha, all I’ve ever wanted was to provide you with all you could ever need to be happy. How can you stand here and say that when I am the one who encouraged you to start singing again at Sands and to keep painting and to someday show your art off! I love you baby!”
“ Marcus, don’t call me that, I am not a baby! And I really don’t know what I feel for you anymore. All I am asking is that you to give me my freedom. I want my dreams; I need to see if I can have some sort of pride in my life again. I can’t do it while I am trapped in this life shrouded in your shadow!”
“Freedom, this is not a jail cell! Do you know how many women would love to have the things you do? Why do you think you have to toss our marriage aside? Why can’t this be enough for you?”
“Marcus, I need to do it so that a few years from now I can look at you without hating you and all that you st ood for in my life. I am leaving while I still have some respect for you. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just gotten out at Ashley’s the first day we met and let her take me home,” she spat bitterly.
Natasha knew that her last words were said with more cruel intent than she actually felt, but she knew that she needed to say something that would shock Marcus into letting her go. Something that would convince him that she was serious even though she knew that what she said was an outright lie. The day they met was one of the best days of her life, but it was also the day that changed the course of it since then. Although, she was miserable, she knew still had feelings for Marcus, and she just could not shake the idea that somehow their meeting had
“Yes, I do remember but I thought all of that was in the past for you, and for us. We love each other and we have moved past all of that now.”
“ Moved past? You must be one of the blindest people that I have had the misfortune to know,” she said harshly. “Do you even remember that my audition with the record label was the same month of our wedding and I gave that up too?”
Marcus could not stand the look of pain he saw in Natasha’s eyes or heard in her voice. It was the first time in about a year that she was finally letting him look inside to see the raw anger and hurt that she kept boiling beneath the cool and unaffected surface facade she usually displayed.
“Yes , I remember how disappointed you were, but I thought we had decided to build a new life and to see what new avenues would open up for us?”replied Marcus racking his brain to find a way to get her to stop and see reason.
“Don’t you see? The only avenues that opened up were breakthroughs for you. You got your books published and became an international best - selling author. You were able to purchase two restaurants and you have become a wealthy man. Look at me, no college degree, singing a few nights at your restaurant, singing occasionally at church in the choir when my time on the roster rolls around every few weeks, and teaching art part-time in a grubby preschool that makes me want to scream every single day that I am there? Where are my dreams in the midst of all of that? I’m Marcus’ Nicholls’ wife, and the Reverend’s daughter. That is all anyone ever sees when they look at me.”
“But I ‘ve given you a good life Natasha, I‘ve given you my love that has never changed! I did not buy those things for me, they are ours, all of them!” said Marcus incredulously wondering how she could think that their restaurants were his alone. Everything he did was for her and everything he had was hers too!
“ I never asked you to give me a good life Marcus!”
“But Natasha, all I’ve ever wanted was to provide you with all you could ever need to be happy. How can you stand here and say that when I am the one who encouraged you to start singing again at Sands and to keep painting and to someday show your art off! I love you baby!”
“ Marcus, don’t call me that, I am not a baby! And I really don’t know what I feel for you anymore. All I am asking is that you to give me my freedom. I want my dreams; I need to see if I can have some sort of pride in my life again. I can’t do it while I am trapped in this life shrouded in your shadow!”
“Freedom, this is not a jail cell! Do you know how many women would love to have the things you do? Why do you think you have to toss our marriage aside? Why can’t this be enough for you?”
“Marcus, I need to do it so that a few years from now I can look at you without hating you and all that you st ood for in my life. I am leaving while I still have some respect for you. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just gotten out at Ashley’s the first day we met and let her take me home,” she spat bitterly.
Natasha knew that her last words were said with more cruel intent than she actually felt, but she knew that she needed to say something that would shock Marcus into letting her go. Something that would convince him that she was serious even though she knew that what she said was an outright lie. The day they met was one of the best days of her life, but it was also the day that changed the course of it since then. Although, she was miserable, she knew still had feelings for Marcus, and she just could not shake the idea that somehow their meeting had
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