things yet either.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you at your locker.”
After we left the auditorium, he led me out to the football field and
we sat under the bleachers. He held me like he never wanted to let me go. He
caressed my face and ran his fingers through my hair.
“I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” We were both crying. I
couldn’t speak. “Sara, I know I hurt you last night, but I was just trying to
protect you. I’m not good for you. I meant it when I said that I was dangerous.
I can’t explain it right now, but if you give me time I’ll figure out a way to
tell you.”
I turn my head away from him. I don’t want him to see me crying.
“Please don’t pull away from me. I don’t think I could stand being away
from you another minute right now.” He was making this sound too perfect. I
didn’t want to turn away from him. I moved another inch so I wasn’t looking his
direction at all. I had to see how far this would go before I could trust in it
again
“Sara?” He put his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t move. “Please?” He
runs his fingers through my hair. He brings his mouth against the back of my
neck and if he inhales any deeper I think he will pass out. I didn’t want him
to stop begging me. “I will get down on my hands and knees and beg if that’s
what it will take for you to stay with me.” The tears stream down my face. I
don’t even try to stop them. “Sara, say something, anything. I need to hear the
sound of your sweet voice or I’ll go crazy.” I reach my hand up to my shoulder
and take his hand. He pulls it back toward him and I turn a bit as he does. I’m
still not looking at him, but he can see enough of my face to know that I’m
crying. He pulls my hand to his cheek and I feel that he’s crying too. “Please,
just say anything. Say you hate me if that’s what you feel. Just say
something.”
I can’t take it anymore. “Hate you? I don’t hate you. I’m just not sure
whether I can trust you again. After you left me like that last night, I wished
that you had just let that guy, Bane, take me. I wanted to die. I still might
die.”
The tears are coming faster now. I start having trouble breathing. If I
can’t calm down, I’ll hyperventilate and pass out.
“Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that. I couldn’t live with myself if he
had taken you or worse, killed you. Sara, until I met you I could have went
through life without any friends. Now that I’ve found you, I can’t imagine ever
being without you. I thought that if I pushed you away, I would be protecting
you. I could protect you without you knowing I was even there. You complicated
my life in ways I could never imagine. I thought that if I hurt you last night,
you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. And I was right, but I didn’t think
that it would hurt me so bad to watch you torn up inside, trying to avoid even
looking at me, let alone talking to me. I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t do
it. I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to stay away from you.” He was trying
to meet my gaze, but I still couldn’t look at him, not on my own.
“You wanted to hurt me, so that I wouldn’t want you? You should have
let Bane have me, because at least I wouldn’t have to miss you now. If we
hadn’t kissed in the bathroom, and then in my room, I wouldn’t have been
feeling this way right now. I was living a boy free life. The only boy I had
ever kissed was Shaun and that was in the first grade. We swore we would never
go there again. You’re the only person other than Shaun that I’ve ever told
about that. I didn’t know how I really felt about you until you kissed me again
in my bedroom. So if anything, this is entirely your fault. It’s your fault
that I can’t stop thinking about you even in my dreams.” I turn away again but
he stops me. I’m looking at the ground and he lifts my chin with his hand. I
keep my eyes down and he tries to meet my gaze.
When I refuse to look at him, he
“Yeah, I’ll meet you at your locker.”
After we left the auditorium, he led me out to the football field and
we sat under the bleachers. He held me like he never wanted to let me go. He
caressed my face and ran his fingers through my hair.
“I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” We were both crying. I
couldn’t speak. “Sara, I know I hurt you last night, but I was just trying to
protect you. I’m not good for you. I meant it when I said that I was dangerous.
I can’t explain it right now, but if you give me time I’ll figure out a way to
tell you.”
I turn my head away from him. I don’t want him to see me crying.
“Please don’t pull away from me. I don’t think I could stand being away
from you another minute right now.” He was making this sound too perfect. I
didn’t want to turn away from him. I moved another inch so I wasn’t looking his
direction at all. I had to see how far this would go before I could trust in it
again
“Sara?” He put his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t move. “Please?” He
runs his fingers through my hair. He brings his mouth against the back of my
neck and if he inhales any deeper I think he will pass out. I didn’t want him
to stop begging me. “I will get down on my hands and knees and beg if that’s
what it will take for you to stay with me.” The tears stream down my face. I
don’t even try to stop them. “Sara, say something, anything. I need to hear the
sound of your sweet voice or I’ll go crazy.” I reach my hand up to my shoulder
and take his hand. He pulls it back toward him and I turn a bit as he does. I’m
still not looking at him, but he can see enough of my face to know that I’m
crying. He pulls my hand to his cheek and I feel that he’s crying too. “Please,
just say anything. Say you hate me if that’s what you feel. Just say
something.”
I can’t take it anymore. “Hate you? I don’t hate you. I’m just not sure
whether I can trust you again. After you left me like that last night, I wished
that you had just let that guy, Bane, take me. I wanted to die. I still might
die.”
The tears are coming faster now. I start having trouble breathing. If I
can’t calm down, I’ll hyperventilate and pass out.
“Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that. I couldn’t live with myself if he
had taken you or worse, killed you. Sara, until I met you I could have went
through life without any friends. Now that I’ve found you, I can’t imagine ever
being without you. I thought that if I pushed you away, I would be protecting
you. I could protect you without you knowing I was even there. You complicated
my life in ways I could never imagine. I thought that if I hurt you last night,
you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. And I was right, but I didn’t think
that it would hurt me so bad to watch you torn up inside, trying to avoid even
looking at me, let alone talking to me. I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t do
it. I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to stay away from you.” He was trying
to meet my gaze, but I still couldn’t look at him, not on my own.
“You wanted to hurt me, so that I wouldn’t want you? You should have
let Bane have me, because at least I wouldn’t have to miss you now. If we
hadn’t kissed in the bathroom, and then in my room, I wouldn’t have been
feeling this way right now. I was living a boy free life. The only boy I had
ever kissed was Shaun and that was in the first grade. We swore we would never
go there again. You’re the only person other than Shaun that I’ve ever told
about that. I didn’t know how I really felt about you until you kissed me again
in my bedroom. So if anything, this is entirely your fault. It’s your fault
that I can’t stop thinking about you even in my dreams.” I turn away again but
he stops me. I’m looking at the ground and he lifts my chin with his hand. I
keep my eyes down and he tries to meet my gaze.
When I refuse to look at him, he
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