Fortitude (Heart of Stone) by D. H. Sidebottom Page A

everything, had he changed, was he the same, was he looking
after my children, had he moved on from me?
    All Nate had told me was that Mason was back to running
the family business, Kade and Grace had decided to hang around, much to Liam’s
chagrin that Grace would become a target now she didn’t have the bureaus
protection. My children were doing great, George had gone through a drug rehab
program and Katie was studying hard at uni.
    And I missed them with every fibre of my being. I missed
Mason’s special smiles, the sexy one he would always give me that lit me up
inside. I missed his words of love, I missed his arms and his safe hold. I
missed the way he made me feel, I missed how he would make me laugh. I missed
his sexy words when he was inside me. I missed him so damn much that the pain
never seemed to disappear. But I would never let him see me this way. Gone was
his little warrior. She had been replaced with an empty shell. A no one with a
mutilated body, a body I knew he would hate but never say.
     
    I sat at my dresser and piled on layers of camouflage,
hiding the paleness to my skin and the thin blood vessels that had burst
through my bouts of sickness. My hands shook. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t
face the outside world yet, I wasn’t ready.
    “Taxi’s here!” Carrie shouted.
    I took a deep breath, swallowed back the bile and took my
shaky legs down the stairs.
    “Beautiful,” Carrie smiled at me as she adjusted my blond
wig. I hated that too by the way.
    I pulled it back and she glowered at me. “Leave it!”
    “I hate it, it itches and makes me sweat.”
    She pursed her lips, her frustration with me evident on
her pretty face. “Honey, you can’t go in a club wearing a Sons of Anarchy
headscarf, it isn’t done.”
    “Fuck them!”
    “No,” she murmured as she dragged me out the front door.
“Fuck you, honey.”
    She was once again introduced to my tongue.
     
    ***
     
    I was absolutely slaughtered. I could hardly see, my legs
were struggling to hold me up and to top it off I’d lost Carrie in the hordes
of revellers. She had given up after hours of trying to persuade me to dance
and had gone in alone, fighting to get to the centre as her lithe little body
had squeezed past people.
    The barman grinned at me yet again. Creepy bastard.
    Epic night!
     
    I swung round to study the dancers again, hoping to catch
sight of my friends black bob bouncing about. It was impossible, the lights
were streaking the dance floor and morphing each human into its alien
doppelganger.
    I needed to pee so badly.
     
    “Hey!” I shouted to the barman, gesturing for him to lean
over the bar as I put my mouth to his ear. “If my friend comes back, can you
tell her I’ve gone to the loo?”
    He nodded and gave me a thumbs up with another leery
smile as I slid off the stool and made my way across the bar, using it for
support across the room.
    I cringed when I saw the space I needed to cross to get
to the corridor that housed the toilets. “Oh damn.”
    I just went for it, giggling to myself as I swung one way
and another. People, mainly men, wrapped their arms around my waist and steered
me across when they figured out which way I was heading.
    “That door,” A tall bloke pointed to a door and smiled at
me.
    I strained my neck as I ran my eyes up his lengthy body,
“Fucking hell,” I gasped as I stared very rudely at him. “You’re huge.”
    His tongue poked through his cheek as he tried to hold
back his laugh. “They all usually say that,” he winked.
    I rolled my eyes and crossed my legs, “Oh damn.” I
repeated.
    Tall guy laughed then lifted me into his arms and rushed
across the room with me. “Coming through!” he shouted as he bounded through the
ladies bathroom door, past the long line of needy pee-ers and kicked open a
cubicle door. He sat me on the loo then closed his eyes as he shifted my dress
up and his fingers fiddled with the sides of my knickers. “Piss!” he demanded
as his eyes