everything coming back
into focus as my spirit soared. “I need to see her.”
I struggled to get up but I found the determination. If
my beautiful wife had found the strength, then I could too.
“Mason…”
“Call me a cab,” I told him as I pulled on my shoes.
“Mason…”
“Are you capable of driving?”
“Mason!” He stood and took my hands. “She doesn’t want to
see us. She doesn’t want to see you.”
“What? But…”
He sighed and looked over my shoulder, his eyes focussing
on something, anywhere but me. “We have to respect that. She has taken the
biggest step of her life. Let her deal with it. Don’t ruin it by storming in on
her, she won’t appreciate it.”
“But she’ll need me.”
“No,” he shook his head. “She’ll need us to support
however she wants to do this. Let her get through this, then she’ll accept you,
she’ll accept life again.”
“But I can’t let her do this alone.”
“Nate is with her. He’ll carry her, but you have to
accept what she wants now.”
“Well, how long are we talking?” I asked, my patience
thin and fragile.
“I don’t know, Mason. Honestly, I really don’t know.”
I sank back onto the sofa, my hands sliding over my face
as I fought against the tears. “Why?” I asked him softly, “Why doesn’t she want
me anymore, Kade. Why?”
He sat beside me and pulled me against his lap until my
head rested in his groin and his fingers slid through my hair gently. “Because
she’s scared, Mason. She is frightened of seeing you hurting. She can’t cope
with that on top of everything else. She loves you too much for that.”
“No,” I whispered as I shook my head gently. “She’s
saying goodbye, Kade. Death or not, I’ve lost her.”
And I knew it in my bones. Twenty years of memories would
have to get me through now. I remembered every single one. I remembered her
laugh, her smile, every curve of her body. Every tear she had spilt and every
single word of love she had whispered to me.
They were all I had left now.
Chapter Twelve
Persevere
Ava
Five months later
I fiddled with the bra, pulling and poking at it. I hated
it, hated the way it looked on me, hated how false it looked. Hated how it now
replaced my breasts.
“Hurry up!” Carrie shouted up the stairs. She had become
a fast, firm friend over the last four months. She’d been my homecare nurse and
we had quickly developed a bond, her sense of humour as sick as mine.
“I can’t.” I choked out when she came to watch me in the
doorway.
“Don’t be so bloody grumpy,” she said firmly as she
whipped the long wig over my head and adjusted it through the mirror. “You have
been through hell in the last five months. Celebrate the end of your treatment.
Live for a little, if only for one night.”
She stood, flicking through my clothes in the wardrobe. I
knew nothing would fit me anymore but I let her choose. As usual she was spot
on when she pulled out a short shift dress, knowing it would hang perfectly and
cover my prominent hipbones and horrid protruding ribs.
I pulled at the skin under my eyes, sighing at the dark
circles that now seemed at home on my face. “A bit of slap will cover those, so
don’t even try to use them as an excuse.”
I poked my tongue out at her back, knowing whatever I
said that she wouldn’t back down. I loved her strong personality but sometimes
it could be a little too much, especially when all I wanted to do was hide and
wallow.
Carrie left me to it and I stared at myself in the
mirror. It wasn’t even me any longer, I was completely different now, not just
my looks but my life and my goals; not that I had any goals other than to get
through each day without pining for a man I couldn’t have.
I had cut myself off from all of my friends and family,
except Nate. He said very little about Mason; on one hand I didn’t want to
know, I couldn’t move on if I didn’t let him go, but on the other hand, I
needed to know
into focus as my spirit soared. “I need to see her.”
I struggled to get up but I found the determination. If
my beautiful wife had found the strength, then I could too.
“Mason…”
“Call me a cab,” I told him as I pulled on my shoes.
“Mason…”
“Are you capable of driving?”
“Mason!” He stood and took my hands. “She doesn’t want to
see us. She doesn’t want to see you.”
“What? But…”
He sighed and looked over my shoulder, his eyes focussing
on something, anywhere but me. “We have to respect that. She has taken the
biggest step of her life. Let her deal with it. Don’t ruin it by storming in on
her, she won’t appreciate it.”
“But she’ll need me.”
“No,” he shook his head. “She’ll need us to support
however she wants to do this. Let her get through this, then she’ll accept you,
she’ll accept life again.”
“But I can’t let her do this alone.”
“Nate is with her. He’ll carry her, but you have to
accept what she wants now.”
“Well, how long are we talking?” I asked, my patience
thin and fragile.
“I don’t know, Mason. Honestly, I really don’t know.”
I sank back onto the sofa, my hands sliding over my face
as I fought against the tears. “Why?” I asked him softly, “Why doesn’t she want
me anymore, Kade. Why?”
He sat beside me and pulled me against his lap until my
head rested in his groin and his fingers slid through my hair gently. “Because
she’s scared, Mason. She is frightened of seeing you hurting. She can’t cope
with that on top of everything else. She loves you too much for that.”
“No,” I whispered as I shook my head gently. “She’s
saying goodbye, Kade. Death or not, I’ve lost her.”
And I knew it in my bones. Twenty years of memories would
have to get me through now. I remembered every single one. I remembered her
laugh, her smile, every curve of her body. Every tear she had spilt and every
single word of love she had whispered to me.
They were all I had left now.
Chapter Twelve
Persevere
Ava
Five months later
I fiddled with the bra, pulling and poking at it. I hated
it, hated the way it looked on me, hated how false it looked. Hated how it now
replaced my breasts.
“Hurry up!” Carrie shouted up the stairs. She had become
a fast, firm friend over the last four months. She’d been my homecare nurse and
we had quickly developed a bond, her sense of humour as sick as mine.
“I can’t.” I choked out when she came to watch me in the
doorway.
“Don’t be so bloody grumpy,” she said firmly as she
whipped the long wig over my head and adjusted it through the mirror. “You have
been through hell in the last five months. Celebrate the end of your treatment.
Live for a little, if only for one night.”
She stood, flicking through my clothes in the wardrobe. I
knew nothing would fit me anymore but I let her choose. As usual she was spot
on when she pulled out a short shift dress, knowing it would hang perfectly and
cover my prominent hipbones and horrid protruding ribs.
I pulled at the skin under my eyes, sighing at the dark
circles that now seemed at home on my face. “A bit of slap will cover those, so
don’t even try to use them as an excuse.”
I poked my tongue out at her back, knowing whatever I
said that she wouldn’t back down. I loved her strong personality but sometimes
it could be a little too much, especially when all I wanted to do was hide and
wallow.
Carrie left me to it and I stared at myself in the
mirror. It wasn’t even me any longer, I was completely different now, not just
my looks but my life and my goals; not that I had any goals other than to get
through each day without pining for a man I couldn’t have.
I had cut myself off from all of my friends and family,
except Nate. He said very little about Mason; on one hand I didn’t want to
know, I couldn’t move on if I didn’t let him go, but on the other hand, I
needed to know
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