staying.”
“If we stay, you pay.”
“I’ll pay.”
When Leonard came back, before he could sit, Shelby dabbed her mouth with her napkin and asked, “All right brother-man, since you all up in our booth taking up space, where do you work that made you miss the festival all day on a Sunday?”
“I work part-time for an itty-bitty, don’t blink when you drive down 103rd, software company over by the Watts Tower.”
“Doing?”
“Installations, upgrades, simple database stuff. Tutoring the kids in basic computer ops most Saturday mornings.”
“That’s yesterday. What had you wrapped up till midnight?”
“I do a little stand-up comedy. I was on Sunset tonight.”
Shelby gave me that
please
-not-another-entertainer look.
Part of me felt the same. Brought back an instant memory of an angry waitress pulling me to the side and telling me that she was sleeping with the man who was up on stage, the man I thought I was falling in love with,the man I loaned a few hundred to get his car fixed and never received even a thank-you.
My voice lowered along with my shy smile. My brain wanted this man to get the hell away from my table. Out of my light. But I guess I’ve never listened to my brain.
I said, “No wonder you’re so funny.”
Shelby said, “He ain’t that damn funny. You’re the one tee-heeing and ha-haing and whooping over every stupid thing he says. You a kitchen comedian or you get
paid
?”
He shrugged. “I get a dime every now and then.”
Shelby said, “Every brother in L.A. think he’s funny. I watch
Def Comedy Jam
and
Comic View
, and I ain’t
never
seen or heard of you.”
“I was on
Evening at the Improv.
Did MTV comedy half-hour back when I was starting out.
Caroline’s Comedy Show.
“
“Sorry, my brotha.” Shelby shook her head. “White-folks jokes don’t count. They fall out laughing at anything.”
I batted my eyes at Shelby, then eased back into the conversation and said, “She’s right. You white funny or funny funny?”
Leonard winked at me. “Give me your number. I’ll invite you to a show, and you and Miss Pundit can tell me what you think.”
I owned no expression. Felt boxed in by the inevitable.
Shelby high-fived me and laughed out her words, “Damn, that was smooth! See how he tried to sneak up on the digits? My brother got it going on. Her name is Debra Mitchell. She’s single. Hasn’t been on a decent date since God was born. And
if
she goes out with you, I’ll chaperone her to the club just in case you one of those psycho brothers and get to trippin’.”
Leonard said, “It’s cool if you and your man tag along.”
Shelby said, “Don’t have no man, don’t want no man, don’t need no man.”
Leonard said, “But you do like men, right?”
Shelby said, “They are a necessary nuisance.”
He repeated, “Necessary nuisance?”
“Cheaper than batteries.”
I interjected, “Tell Leonard the three things you always say about men.”
Shelby said, “Men can’t do nothing but get you pregnant, give you a disease, and leave you for another woman.”
“Ouch.” Leonard cringed. “You need to exhale. You give a good guy a bad reputation before you know what he’s about. What you’re catching depends on what you’re using for bait.”
I said, “Shelby gets crass when she’s sleepy.”
Shelby snapped, “Forget you. Was that polite enough for your ass? You’re just acting all nice and shit because he’s here.”
Leonard laughed.
I said, “Shelby? Wait in the car. Do you mind?”
“Hell, yeah.” She tapped her watch. “Wrap this shit up.”
“Five minutes.”
Shelby waved her hand in a f-u fashion, scooted away. Her eyes were puffed. Bloodshot. She opened her paper to the classified. She was checking out apartments. Then she unfolded the sales pages. That changed her mood. Made her mumble a few curses and frown her worst frown.
I said, “What’s wrong?”
“My damn mattress is on sale, that’s what’s wrong.
“If we stay, you pay.”
“I’ll pay.”
When Leonard came back, before he could sit, Shelby dabbed her mouth with her napkin and asked, “All right brother-man, since you all up in our booth taking up space, where do you work that made you miss the festival all day on a Sunday?”
“I work part-time for an itty-bitty, don’t blink when you drive down 103rd, software company over by the Watts Tower.”
“Doing?”
“Installations, upgrades, simple database stuff. Tutoring the kids in basic computer ops most Saturday mornings.”
“That’s yesterday. What had you wrapped up till midnight?”
“I do a little stand-up comedy. I was on Sunset tonight.”
Shelby gave me that
please
-not-another-entertainer look.
Part of me felt the same. Brought back an instant memory of an angry waitress pulling me to the side and telling me that she was sleeping with the man who was up on stage, the man I thought I was falling in love with,the man I loaned a few hundred to get his car fixed and never received even a thank-you.
My voice lowered along with my shy smile. My brain wanted this man to get the hell away from my table. Out of my light. But I guess I’ve never listened to my brain.
I said, “No wonder you’re so funny.”
Shelby said, “He ain’t that damn funny. You’re the one tee-heeing and ha-haing and whooping over every stupid thing he says. You a kitchen comedian or you get
paid
?”
He shrugged. “I get a dime every now and then.”
Shelby said, “Every brother in L.A. think he’s funny. I watch
Def Comedy Jam
and
Comic View
, and I ain’t
never
seen or heard of you.”
“I was on
Evening at the Improv.
Did MTV comedy half-hour back when I was starting out.
Caroline’s Comedy Show.
“
“Sorry, my brotha.” Shelby shook her head. “White-folks jokes don’t count. They fall out laughing at anything.”
I batted my eyes at Shelby, then eased back into the conversation and said, “She’s right. You white funny or funny funny?”
Leonard winked at me. “Give me your number. I’ll invite you to a show, and you and Miss Pundit can tell me what you think.”
I owned no expression. Felt boxed in by the inevitable.
Shelby high-fived me and laughed out her words, “Damn, that was smooth! See how he tried to sneak up on the digits? My brother got it going on. Her name is Debra Mitchell. She’s single. Hasn’t been on a decent date since God was born. And
if
she goes out with you, I’ll chaperone her to the club just in case you one of those psycho brothers and get to trippin’.”
Leonard said, “It’s cool if you and your man tag along.”
Shelby said, “Don’t have no man, don’t want no man, don’t need no man.”
Leonard said, “But you do like men, right?”
Shelby said, “They are a necessary nuisance.”
He repeated, “Necessary nuisance?”
“Cheaper than batteries.”
I interjected, “Tell Leonard the three things you always say about men.”
Shelby said, “Men can’t do nothing but get you pregnant, give you a disease, and leave you for another woman.”
“Ouch.” Leonard cringed. “You need to exhale. You give a good guy a bad reputation before you know what he’s about. What you’re catching depends on what you’re using for bait.”
I said, “Shelby gets crass when she’s sleepy.”
Shelby snapped, “Forget you. Was that polite enough for your ass? You’re just acting all nice and shit because he’s here.”
Leonard laughed.
I said, “Shelby? Wait in the car. Do you mind?”
“Hell, yeah.” She tapped her watch. “Wrap this shit up.”
“Five minutes.”
Shelby waved her hand in a f-u fashion, scooted away. Her eyes were puffed. Bloodshot. She opened her paper to the classified. She was checking out apartments. Then she unfolded the sales pages. That changed her mood. Made her mumble a few curses and frown her worst frown.
I said, “What’s wrong?”
“My damn mattress is on sale, that’s what’s wrong.
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