situation. We each care about our own traditions and our own families. We could see why the other did and we could respect that strength of commitment and not expect the other to compromise too much because each of us knew we wouldnât. In a curious way, thatwas a source of strength. It was never a puzzlement to me why Cokie was devoted to her family and her faith. I never for one second expected her to become more like me or accept my faith. I give our parents credit. They did come to understand what we had been trying to tell them. That the labels were less important than the core values and the individuals involved. In an ideal world, they would have preferred some things to be different. But they did come to see what we were trying to tell them, and have been wonderful about it ever since.
Â
CR: They also came to love us, and better yet, like us.
Chapter Two
OTHER LIVES
EARLY AMERICA
COMPANIONATE MARRIAGE
Women were in short supply in the early years of New World settlement, which gave them a certain advantage when it came to marriage. Lonely men would pay for single women to cross the treacherous Atlantic, plus give the brave maidens a sizable sum in tobacco leaf as a payment to persuade them to become their brides. It put women in a better position than they would have held in the old countries, where the weight of hundreds or thousands of years of tradition governed the rules of marriage. Here, though men certainly headed the household, they depended on women to work alongside them carving civilization out of the wilderness. And early colonists trying to impose English laws governing property rights and inheritance soon found that European laws differed, often giving women a greater share and a greater say than the English, and women from the Continent were not willing to submit to the English strictures. So, from the beginning, the institution of marriage in this country was shaped by forces different from the ones left behind. Women actedas partners, junior partners to be sure, but still partners, in these colonial marriages. Then, with the coming of the American Revolution and the absence of many men from home, women managed the farms and businesses. Not only did the war have a practical effect on marriages, it had a philosophical one as well. As the colonists threw over the king, and the voices of enlightenment filled the land, women questioned the authority of their husbands. It would be a couple of hundred years before the laws caught up with the egalitarian sentiments of some of the women of Revolutionary times, but their own marriages reflected their sense of partnership. Lucky for us, we have first-person accounts of one of the most remarkable of those unionsâthat of the nationâs second president, John Adams, and his wife, Abigail.
Abigail and John Adams: Friends of the Heart
When John Adams met Abigail Smith in 1759, she was a lively fifteen-year-old ministerâs daughter in Weymouth, Massachusetts, he was a somewhat stuffy twenty-three-year-old Harvard graduate, studying law. It was not love at first sight; Adams thought the three Smith sisters a little too sharp-tongued for his taste. But a couple of years later he changed his mind, and started calling at the Smith household regularly. It didnât take long for him to fall completely in love, and for Abigail to passionately respond. How do we know? Theyâve told us so. They wrote hundreds of letters over the years and many of those extraordinary missives were preserved. What they tell is a fascinating storyâa story of the American colonies on the road to revolution, then war, then the struggles of a new nation. Abigail paints vivid pictures of eighteenth-century life in Massachusetts, detailing the everyday activities of a wife and mother, and the extraordinary anxieties of a woman alone in tumultuous times. John gives us a behind-the-scenes look at the events leading up to theDeclaration of Independence, and of
Â
CR: They also came to love us, and better yet, like us.
Chapter Two
OTHER LIVES
EARLY AMERICA
COMPANIONATE MARRIAGE
Women were in short supply in the early years of New World settlement, which gave them a certain advantage when it came to marriage. Lonely men would pay for single women to cross the treacherous Atlantic, plus give the brave maidens a sizable sum in tobacco leaf as a payment to persuade them to become their brides. It put women in a better position than they would have held in the old countries, where the weight of hundreds or thousands of years of tradition governed the rules of marriage. Here, though men certainly headed the household, they depended on women to work alongside them carving civilization out of the wilderness. And early colonists trying to impose English laws governing property rights and inheritance soon found that European laws differed, often giving women a greater share and a greater say than the English, and women from the Continent were not willing to submit to the English strictures. So, from the beginning, the institution of marriage in this country was shaped by forces different from the ones left behind. Women actedas partners, junior partners to be sure, but still partners, in these colonial marriages. Then, with the coming of the American Revolution and the absence of many men from home, women managed the farms and businesses. Not only did the war have a practical effect on marriages, it had a philosophical one as well. As the colonists threw over the king, and the voices of enlightenment filled the land, women questioned the authority of their husbands. It would be a couple of hundred years before the laws caught up with the egalitarian sentiments of some of the women of Revolutionary times, but their own marriages reflected their sense of partnership. Lucky for us, we have first-person accounts of one of the most remarkable of those unionsâthat of the nationâs second president, John Adams, and his wife, Abigail.
Abigail and John Adams: Friends of the Heart
When John Adams met Abigail Smith in 1759, she was a lively fifteen-year-old ministerâs daughter in Weymouth, Massachusetts, he was a somewhat stuffy twenty-three-year-old Harvard graduate, studying law. It was not love at first sight; Adams thought the three Smith sisters a little too sharp-tongued for his taste. But a couple of years later he changed his mind, and started calling at the Smith household regularly. It didnât take long for him to fall completely in love, and for Abigail to passionately respond. How do we know? Theyâve told us so. They wrote hundreds of letters over the years and many of those extraordinary missives were preserved. What they tell is a fascinating storyâa story of the American colonies on the road to revolution, then war, then the struggles of a new nation. Abigail paints vivid pictures of eighteenth-century life in Massachusetts, detailing the everyday activities of a wife and mother, and the extraordinary anxieties of a woman alone in tumultuous times. John gives us a behind-the-scenes look at the events leading up to theDeclaration of Independence, and of
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