Fungus of the Heart by Jeremy C. Shipp Page B

she saved touches her foot.
    And I return to the battle.
    Minutes later, I approach Milena. She’s crying, alone.
    I sit in front of her. “Are you OK?”
    She shakes her head. “I killed someone. I’ve never killed anyone before. Except for Daniel, but that was an accident.”
    “You did what you had to do. That man would’ve killed the boy if you hadn’t stopped him.”
    “Have you ever had to kill anyone?”
    “Yes.”
    “Does it get easier?”
    “The act is easier. But it’s never easier to cope with afterward.”
    She weeps again, and I take her hands in mine.
    Then a young woman dressed like a fairy approaches the corpse of the man Milena killed. The girl opens a pink bag. Pulls out a crayon. Kneels beside the body.
    “What are you doing?” Milena says.
    “Death is so ugly,” the girl says. “I have to fix him.”
    “Don’t touch him.”
    But the Beautifier only smiles and draws a light blue flower on the corpse’s forehead. Milena turns away, and weeps again.
    “Let’s go home,” I say. “I’ll cook you breakfast.”
    She nods, squeezes my hands. Smiles.
    Her heart is mine.
    *
    “Cailin,” I say, because you’re the first thought that comes to mind, but Milena doesn’t awaken. Doesn’t even stir.
    She finally trusts me enough to let her guard down.
    So now’s the time to complete Phase Six.
    Of course, the phantoms try to stop me. They freeze my flesh and scream in my skull. But ultimately, they lack any real power over me, because they’re not Protectors. Not anymore.
    I try not to look her in the face. Instead, I keep my gaze focused on her chest. And somehow, by limiting my perception, I can almost convince myself she’s not a human being. She’s just a bundle of flesh, no greater than the sum of her parts.
    But the illusion won’t give me the strength to proceed.
    I need to hear your voice. I need to know you’ll still want me, even after I accomplish my mission.
    And then, finally, you say, through my lips, “I’ll always love you.”
    And my conviction prevails, overshadowing my mercy once more.
    “I’m sorry,” I say, to Milena, to you. To myself.
    Then my eyes dart about, out of control, and I’m no longer holding the sacred blade I picked up. This one’s long, thin. Military issue. The same kind the soldiers wielded when they stormed our hut and took you away. And I see your head on Milena’s body.
    But right now, I don’t care.
    Sometimes I need to do the right thing for love and be a villain.
    So I kill Milena. Find the mushroom in her heart. Swallow.
    I expect bitterness, because of her past, but her power tastes sweet.
    Kind.
    Usually, after I devour a soul, the phantoms sob along with me. But I can’t hear them as I mourn all the way to the Fortress.
    And at the base of the mountain, I shudder, equally terrified and euphoric.
    Very soon, I’ll have the body to save you.
    And we’ll be together again, forever.
    My courage peaks, and I summon the six mushrooms. And I wait, kneeling on the ground, eyes closed, lips trembling with your name. I feel my body tingling. And in few moments, I’ll become much more of a monster than I already am.
    Stronger. Bigger. More grotesque.
    I hope you’ll learn to love this nightmare. But even if you don’t, I’ll never let you go.
    A heartbeat later, the spirits of the mushrooms rupture, and the energy thrashes my organs from within, and I squeal with the power and the pain.
    Then, nothing.
    The torture stops, and I don’t change.
    I feel like a prisoner taking that first step out of prison.
    And maybe I misinterpreted Billy’s messages. Maybe the dragon he showed me symbolizes my delusion. I see a dragon in the stone, the way I see a monster in my mind. Neither of them real. And maybe I’m the monkey in the spider’s web, helpless, unable to conquer the Fortress. And maybe the broken key represents my inability to reach you. Not because you’re trapped in the Fortress, but because you’re dead.
    And maybe it wasn’t