Gertie's Paranormal Plantation: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy by Melanie James

Darcy reminded me that Vasili asked me a question. She then abandoned me by springing from my arms.
    “Oh, yeah. What is it that brings me here to you? Umm.” My brain had shut down operations and my common sense was now halfway to New Orleans for the weekend. “I was just looking around out here, hoping to find my penis. Ach! I mean my goat. Did you happen to see a goat wandering around out here?”
    “You know, I thought I may have. Just out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t get a good look from where I was.” Vasili walked right up to me. He was close, close enough to the point where I could feel the heat coming from his body. He was wiping his hands off on his handkerchief, as if he planned to touch me. Or maybe I wished he would. “I hope you don’t mind, but I noticed your rain gutter was barely hanging on. I replaced the straps. It’s good and solid now.”
    “That’s…good. It’s good you know, because I would hate to have a problem with droopy gutters.”
    Vasili’s deep voice became soft and slow and I was instantly lost in his eyes. Those eyes were really mesmerizing, like gazing into a dark bottomless pool. His eyes never left mine. He slowly raised up one hand and with a gentle brush of his index finger, he swept away a few long strands of my hair. Vasili leaned his head to my ear and whispered, “I can tell you want something from me, Gertie.” I could feel his bare chest against my arms.
    “Yes.” I whispered, then I caught my senses. “I mean, no. Thank you for fixing my window and gutters and for saving my life of course. That should cover everything.”
    Vasili took both of his hands and lightly cradled my head. At the same time his lips became an erotic butterfly that fluttered away from my ear and landed softly on my lips. I was paralyzed and my mind fought for a rational response. I didn’t pull away but I didn’t return his kiss. Darcy gave me her opinion of the situation, and in no uncertain terms, by delivering a swift painful bite on one of my obviously hardened nipples.
    I pulled away and stared at Vasili in disbelief. As I should have expected, he unrolled another heavily accented welcome mat of sexiness. “Your eyes, they’re so beautiful, yet they are like ice.” It would be very easy to walk right up and kiss him.
    “Oh yeah, like ice.” I chuckled. “You have no idea.” I wasn’t about to run away like some frightened child, or swoon like an awestruck teenager. But I didn’t want to exactly slap the bejesus out of him either. Let’s face it, when a hot, shirtless, and exotic stranger like Vasili—and I must point out that he was dipped in a batter of pure sexiness—throws all of his attention directly at you, there are some quick decisions to be made. For example, there is an impulse to jump on him like you’re a squirrel jumping on an acorn laden oak tree. I mean, it’s not like a passionate gift like Vasili gets handed to you every day. Hell, I’m willing to bet it only happens once in ten lifetimes, but there is the sobering and unfortunate reminder that there are always some inconvenient repercussions to that behavior. It comes down to whether you’re willing to risk the consequences. Unless, of course, the consumption of whiskey is involved. In that case, all bets are off.
    “Listen, Vasili. You can’t just go around shirtless and whispering in girls’ ears and kissing them like that. It’s not…fair.” And you better believe it wasn’t fair, but it sure was effective. “I have a boyfriend.”
    More Mediterranean sexiness poured out when Vasili lifted my hair from my bare shoulder. “Oh? I didn’t know that. I don’t see him here.” Vasili nonchalantly looked around. “Perhaps I could be your boyfriend.”
    I took a deep breath. “Let me rephrase that. Even if I didn’t have a boyfriend, it’s a little presumptuous of you to think I am going to get all wobbly kneed and fall for your smooth…sexy…moves.” I coughed and stepped