Getting Somewhere by Beth Neff Page B

door, felt his weight on the edge of the bed as he bent to remove his shoes. She’d almost told her mom, had formed the words a dozen times, tasted them on her tongue, knowing, always knowing it would do no good, that she’d take his side, refuse to believe it.
    Even with the hunger, the fear, the cold, all the men she’d been with since just for a place to sleep or a meal, a couple of joints or a few dollars, she’d never considered going back. She knew it was a different Sarah they’d known, a girl that wasn’t even her. The others, they never asked Sarah to be different from who she was. She’d seen them, that first day, moving through the streets and alleys like ghosts in a cemetery, before, she’d thought, they even noticed her. But she was wrong. They knew she was there almost before she knew it herself, had expanded their circle to include her before she’d known she needed it, that her life depended on it. Sarah instantly became a part of something, a world that, as different as it was, she understood perfectly. She’s not sure how she’ll survive if she can’t find that here.
    It’s always all about survival. Sarah’s never been asked to define love but she knows without a doubt that survival is figuring out who you can depend on. She’d probably say they are the same thing.

    W HEN S ARAH ARRIVES in the living room, Lauren is already sitting there, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, legs crossed, too, a distinctly peevish look on her face. She doesn’t acknowledge or make eye contact with Sarah so Sarah sits at the other end of the couch, as far away as she can get without seeming totally rude.
    All four girls are seated by the time Ellie enters. She smiles at each of them, but Sarah imagines that she is also evaluating the scene, making little notes in her head about where they have chosen to sit, how they’ve distributed themselves, how tense or relaxed they appear. Ellie scans once and then returns her gaze to Lauren, frowns a bit, probably without even realizing it. Sarah sees it, too, how Lauren’s demeanor has transformed today from her usual snootiness and superiority to something much darker, sullen and contemptuous. Sarah wonders if something happened between Grace and Lauren back at the creek today or if this is just a natural progression for when the evil queen realizes she’s not nearly as powerful as she thought. Sarah thinks Ellie had better watch out for poisoned apples.
    Sarah leans back into the couch. She scans the walls of the room, notices that all the available wall space is covered with shelves crammed with books, and wonders, with all the work they have to do on the farm, how anybody has time to read.
    â€œYou know, I’m not going to do any of this.” Sarah is startled out of her reverie by the tone and force of Lauren’s voice. She sees that Lauren is glaring directly at Ellie and that Ellie is, incongruously, smiling back.
    â€œNot going to do what, Lauren?” she asks, her voice quiet, almost kindly.
    â€œThis.” Lauren waves randomly around her. “All of it. Any of it. There is no fucking way I’m going to go wading in that filthy water or dig in that dirt or handle other people’s food. And, to be honest, I’m not really interested in talking to any of you about it either.”
    Jenna has scooted into a more upright position and is staring directly at Lauren, so intently that Lauren finally turns to her, feeling her gaze. Jenna’s voice is low but not threatening, matter-of-fact. “When they said ‘farm,’ what exactly did you think they were talking about?”
    â€œI don’t know,” Lauren whines. “Like, horses or something?”
    Jenna’s face has a look of total incredulity on it, and Ellie looks at her and then quickly away. She seems to be searching for some way to respond, until Sarah realizes she is trying as hard as she can