Breakfast Jamboree! My name is Billiam, and I’ll be serving you today…. Let me tell you Mickey’s specials today. We’ve got steak and eggs, served with some home fries and Mickey waffles…
JIMMY FALLON: Ooh! I love me some steak and eggs!
ME: Ever since they found mad cow disease in the U.S., I’m not taking any chances. It can live in your body for years before it ravages your brain.
TROMBONE: WAAAAH WAAAAAAH!
CUE THEME SONG: You’re enjoying your day, everything’s going your way, then along comes Debbie Downer…
Oh, to have a hit character on SNL : the inexact science, the alignment of the planets to be just so, every cog in the wheel having to spin precisely right so that the germ of an idea in your brain can be crafted well enough to make it through the elaborate process to become reality and be seen by millions, which propels you into the status of cultural icon for the rest of history … or at least for that week.
The first time we put Debbie Downer on the show, I had a giggle fit that I couldn’t control, and the whole cast ended up breaking so hard we could never quite recover…
HORATIO SANZ: I’m gonna ride that haunted elevator thingy. It drops you straight down! …
HOST (LINDSAY LOHAN): I want to go to every country in Epcot and greet them in their own native language: Hola! Konnichiwa! Hi!
ME: Did you guys hear about that train explosion in North Korea?
All pause and look at me, annoyed.
ME: The media is so sensitive there …(oops that wasn’t the right word) so secretive…
I try to stifle a giggle over my flub.
ME, FIGHTING A LAUGH: That they may never know how many people perished.
TROMBONE: WAAAAH WAAAAAAH!
Aaaand I break. Accidentally start laughing while camera is in close-up on my face. We all start laughing, never quite regaining control. Audience goes nuts.
People often ask me if Debbie Downer is based on a real person. Well, not really. Although after her creation, I started to notice my mom shares some of her tendencies. I told my mom I was thinking of going to the Dominican Republic for vacation, and she said, “Well, don’t wander into Haiti.” Oh, believe me, I have repeated the phrase “Don’t wander into Haiti” many a time in my family when someone is giving unnecessary safety advice.
In truth, Debbie Downer actually has a rather mystical and personal origin story. The character came about because I took a trip by myself.
I was seeing a therapist who kept insisting that I take a trip alone. (Even though I am a huge fan of therapy to begin with—remember, I originally wanted to be a therapist—I will tell you that if you are going to be on SNL , you should get a therapist immediately. It’s either that or a drinking problem, so take your pick.) Taking a trip by myself was her answer to every problem you could imagine, and most of my problems revolvedaround relationships. If I was afraid I would never meet a guy—“take a trip by yourself.” I was dating a jerk—“take a trip by yourself.” I’m worried because I don’t think I’ll ever have kids—“take a trip by yourself.” She was an older woman who, in her younger days, had met her husband while traveling alone. Is that what she thought would happen for me? Or would it just force me out of my usual routines and serve as some sort of psychological reset button? I didn’t know. It made no sense to me. I really liked to travel, and I had a little gang of ladies to travel with. So why the hell would I want to go somewhere by myself? I was not interested.
Finally, for some reason, she got through to me. I looked at her advice as some sort of “doctor’s orders,” like taking a pill: I don’t know why I’m doing this, I thought, but I’ll give it a shot. Even the night before the trip, I was packing, thinking, “What the hell am I doing? This is ridiculous.” But I was going. Instead of saying no again and giving the reasons why a trip alone was a bad idea, without consciously realizing it, I
JIMMY FALLON: Ooh! I love me some steak and eggs!
ME: Ever since they found mad cow disease in the U.S., I’m not taking any chances. It can live in your body for years before it ravages your brain.
TROMBONE: WAAAAH WAAAAAAH!
CUE THEME SONG: You’re enjoying your day, everything’s going your way, then along comes Debbie Downer…
Oh, to have a hit character on SNL : the inexact science, the alignment of the planets to be just so, every cog in the wheel having to spin precisely right so that the germ of an idea in your brain can be crafted well enough to make it through the elaborate process to become reality and be seen by millions, which propels you into the status of cultural icon for the rest of history … or at least for that week.
The first time we put Debbie Downer on the show, I had a giggle fit that I couldn’t control, and the whole cast ended up breaking so hard we could never quite recover…
HORATIO SANZ: I’m gonna ride that haunted elevator thingy. It drops you straight down! …
HOST (LINDSAY LOHAN): I want to go to every country in Epcot and greet them in their own native language: Hola! Konnichiwa! Hi!
ME: Did you guys hear about that train explosion in North Korea?
All pause and look at me, annoyed.
ME: The media is so sensitive there …(oops that wasn’t the right word) so secretive…
I try to stifle a giggle over my flub.
ME, FIGHTING A LAUGH: That they may never know how many people perished.
TROMBONE: WAAAAH WAAAAAAH!
Aaaand I break. Accidentally start laughing while camera is in close-up on my face. We all start laughing, never quite regaining control. Audience goes nuts.
People often ask me if Debbie Downer is based on a real person. Well, not really. Although after her creation, I started to notice my mom shares some of her tendencies. I told my mom I was thinking of going to the Dominican Republic for vacation, and she said, “Well, don’t wander into Haiti.” Oh, believe me, I have repeated the phrase “Don’t wander into Haiti” many a time in my family when someone is giving unnecessary safety advice.
In truth, Debbie Downer actually has a rather mystical and personal origin story. The character came about because I took a trip by myself.
I was seeing a therapist who kept insisting that I take a trip alone. (Even though I am a huge fan of therapy to begin with—remember, I originally wanted to be a therapist—I will tell you that if you are going to be on SNL , you should get a therapist immediately. It’s either that or a drinking problem, so take your pick.) Taking a trip by myself was her answer to every problem you could imagine, and most of my problems revolvedaround relationships. If I was afraid I would never meet a guy—“take a trip by yourself.” I was dating a jerk—“take a trip by yourself.” I’m worried because I don’t think I’ll ever have kids—“take a trip by yourself.” She was an older woman who, in her younger days, had met her husband while traveling alone. Is that what she thought would happen for me? Or would it just force me out of my usual routines and serve as some sort of psychological reset button? I didn’t know. It made no sense to me. I really liked to travel, and I had a little gang of ladies to travel with. So why the hell would I want to go somewhere by myself? I was not interested.
Finally, for some reason, she got through to me. I looked at her advice as some sort of “doctor’s orders,” like taking a pill: I don’t know why I’m doing this, I thought, but I’ll give it a shot. Even the night before the trip, I was packing, thinking, “What the hell am I doing? This is ridiculous.” But I was going. Instead of saying no again and giving the reasons why a trip alone was a bad idea, without consciously realizing it, I
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