me be a part of? Don’t you understand that?”
I let out a harsh laugh and hoisted my heavy soul off the bed. “Don’t
I
understand that?” I gripped her shoulders and pulled her against me. “I don’t even know how to be a part of this yet, how—”
“Try,” she said, her voice muffled against my chest. “Promise me!” She pounded her fists against my shoulders. “Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to be with me?”
“Don’t I want to be with you?” I let out a rattling breath. “How can you doubt how much I love you?”
She stepped back from me, wrapping her arms around herself. “You told me I couldn’t be part of your decisions.” She sniffled and sobbed. “You’ve shut me out of your life.”
“You know why. It has nothing to do with how much I love you.” Watching her turn in on herself, away from me, cowering in her own arms, crying like a helpless, woundedchild, it was more than I could take. “Jesus, you have to know I love you more than my own life, Rachael.” I tried to hold her, but she pulled away.
“How would I know that?” She wouldn’t look at me. Tears dripped from her downturned face to the hardwood floor.
It was time—it couldn’t wait another second—damn it all to hell. “This wasn’t the way I wanted to do this.” I strode across the room to my suitcase, dug in the inside pocket, and pulled out the black ring box. “Look at me, Rachael.”
She lifted her eyes and I held up the box. “I bought this in Atlanta months ago.” I shook my head and walked toward her.
Rachael wiped her cheeks, but couldn’t keep up with the stream of tears. Her eyes tilted in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
I took her hand and guided her down onto the bed to sit beside me. “I couldn’t buy you a ring in that shop yesterday, Rachael, because I already had one. I’ve been carrying it around with me, loving the feel of it in my pocket, knowing it would be on your finger someday, but fighting off every urge to give it to you, to beg you to be with me forever.”
Overwhelmed, she covered her open mouth with her hand. She blinked tear after tear out of her welling eyes. “I don’t—why? Why didn’t you want to ask me?”
“I do! My God, I do. I wanted to make sure you had enough time to come to terms with things. You didn’t sign up for a package deal when we met. I didn’t want you tosay yes and regret it, or say no and slay me on the spot. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to because of Turtle Tear, or because of everything going on. I didn’t want a pity acceptance when I proposed.”
“A pity acceptance?” She sounded so bewildered, I reached out and stroked her hair to comfort her, half expecting her to flinch or back away, but she didn’t.
“It had to be perfect,” I said. “The perfect time. The perfect place. But I can’t let you think I don’t love you with every piece of me. Every single cell inside of me.”
I slowly slid off the bed, down onto one knee, and opened the ring box. I admired it, sparkling in its nest of velvet. I’d peeked in the box a million times, wondering if it was good enough for her, if she’d like it. As my eyes lifted to hers, wide and overwhelmed, I had my answer.
“Rachael, this was supposed to come when we were back at home. I wanted to do this on the deck of the tree house on one of those mornings when the herons fly over and the scent of the sweet key limes fills the air, but like always, my gut instinct took over, I messed everything up, made you doubt me, and now has to be the time.” I reached up and put my hand over her eyes. “Close your eyes for me. Pretend we’re home.”
She took my hand away and held it in hers, threading our fingers together. “I don’t want to pretend I’m anywhere but here. This is how we work. Your knee-jerk reactions are why we’re together at all. This is the way it’s supposed to be, Merrick. This is
our
way.”
God. How could any one woman know me so well? Know
I let out a harsh laugh and hoisted my heavy soul off the bed. “Don’t
I
understand that?” I gripped her shoulders and pulled her against me. “I don’t even know how to be a part of this yet, how—”
“Try,” she said, her voice muffled against my chest. “Promise me!” She pounded her fists against my shoulders. “Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to be with me?”
“Don’t I want to be with you?” I let out a rattling breath. “How can you doubt how much I love you?”
She stepped back from me, wrapping her arms around herself. “You told me I couldn’t be part of your decisions.” She sniffled and sobbed. “You’ve shut me out of your life.”
“You know why. It has nothing to do with how much I love you.” Watching her turn in on herself, away from me, cowering in her own arms, crying like a helpless, woundedchild, it was more than I could take. “Jesus, you have to know I love you more than my own life, Rachael.” I tried to hold her, but she pulled away.
“How would I know that?” She wouldn’t look at me. Tears dripped from her downturned face to the hardwood floor.
It was time—it couldn’t wait another second—damn it all to hell. “This wasn’t the way I wanted to do this.” I strode across the room to my suitcase, dug in the inside pocket, and pulled out the black ring box. “Look at me, Rachael.”
She lifted her eyes and I held up the box. “I bought this in Atlanta months ago.” I shook my head and walked toward her.
Rachael wiped her cheeks, but couldn’t keep up with the stream of tears. Her eyes tilted in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
I took her hand and guided her down onto the bed to sit beside me. “I couldn’t buy you a ring in that shop yesterday, Rachael, because I already had one. I’ve been carrying it around with me, loving the feel of it in my pocket, knowing it would be on your finger someday, but fighting off every urge to give it to you, to beg you to be with me forever.”
Overwhelmed, she covered her open mouth with her hand. She blinked tear after tear out of her welling eyes. “I don’t—why? Why didn’t you want to ask me?”
“I do! My God, I do. I wanted to make sure you had enough time to come to terms with things. You didn’t sign up for a package deal when we met. I didn’t want you tosay yes and regret it, or say no and slay me on the spot. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to because of Turtle Tear, or because of everything going on. I didn’t want a pity acceptance when I proposed.”
“A pity acceptance?” She sounded so bewildered, I reached out and stroked her hair to comfort her, half expecting her to flinch or back away, but she didn’t.
“It had to be perfect,” I said. “The perfect time. The perfect place. But I can’t let you think I don’t love you with every piece of me. Every single cell inside of me.”
I slowly slid off the bed, down onto one knee, and opened the ring box. I admired it, sparkling in its nest of velvet. I’d peeked in the box a million times, wondering if it was good enough for her, if she’d like it. As my eyes lifted to hers, wide and overwhelmed, I had my answer.
“Rachael, this was supposed to come when we were back at home. I wanted to do this on the deck of the tree house on one of those mornings when the herons fly over and the scent of the sweet key limes fills the air, but like always, my gut instinct took over, I messed everything up, made you doubt me, and now has to be the time.” I reached up and put my hand over her eyes. “Close your eyes for me. Pretend we’re home.”
She took my hand away and held it in hers, threading our fingers together. “I don’t want to pretend I’m anywhere but here. This is how we work. Your knee-jerk reactions are why we’re together at all. This is the way it’s supposed to be, Merrick. This is
our
way.”
God. How could any one woman know me so well? Know
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