part of this, then I’m not a part of your life and I guess there’s no
us
at all, is there?”
Merrick’s expression went blank, turned to stone. “You don’t know what it’s like.” He ran a hand down his face and began to pace. “I have a daughter who needs me.” He jolted to a halt and captured my eyes. “I can’t expect you to understand.”
My throat constricted in anger. “Because I don’t have kids? Because you’re the expert now?”
His forehead creased, brows knit. “I don’t claim to be an expert, but I never felt this way before I knew I was a father.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “They’re a part of me. I won’t turn my back on them.”
“I never asked you to.”
The set, determined look in his eyes frightened me. “Don’t ever make me choose.”
His words struck me so hard, I stumbled backward. He caught me by the arm. The world spun around me, all grapevines, sunlight, and bright blue sky—an absolute contradiction to the bleak blackness overtaking me.
He wouldn’t choose me. I would forever be relegated to third best in his life. I’d either accept it, or… or it was over.
Eleven
Merrick
S he pulled her arm from my grasp and strode away from me.
I let her go.
I should’ve never said that.
There was nothing I wanted more than to go to her and take every word back. But I couldn’t. No matter how much I loved her—because I loved her—I needed her to understand my life now. I was a father. I had responsibility and I would never turn away from one of my kids asking for my help, even Nadia.
The justification didn’t keep my gut from feeling like it was being torn out and my chest from being ripped open.
With my head so full of churning thoughts, it might have taken fifteen minutes or fifteen hours to get back to the inn.
I’d known all along, my happiness was fleeting. Like holding water in my hand, it slipped through my fingers.
The pain was like nothing I’d ever experienced. Emotional torture. My throat was thick and ached with unshed tears, my chest heavy, my lungs struggling to take in air.Why couldn’t she understand what I felt? How much I had to make up for with MJ and Nadia.
No, MJ wasn’t the issue. Rachael loved MJ. It was Nadia she didn’t like or trust.
Hell, I wasn’t sure I trusted her either, but as her father, it wasn’t really an option to turn away. I’d never do that.
Jesus, what was I supposed to do? Never in a million years would I have thought this would come between me and Rachael.
Stepping inside the patio doors and ambling to the front of the inn, I spotted Paul, the young man who had taken our bags to our room, sitting at a small desk beside the front door. He glanced up as I stopped in front of him. “The woman I’m with,” I said, “did she come inside?”
“Non.”
Paul studied my face. I knew I couldn’t hide my complete anguish.
I nodded, unable to speak. Upstairs, I opened the door to our room. I sank down on the foot of the bed and let my head fall into my hands.
My Rachael… would she be mine much longer? Could she accept me as a father, or would this be the end of us?
The idea of losing her struck me like a hammer blow to the heart.
What if I never slid that ring on her finger? Never saw her walking toward me down the aisle? Never celebrated an anniversary, a childbirth, even a Christmas?
The nevers were endless. I couldn’t let this happen to us.
At the foreign sensation of warm, wet tears slipping down my cheeks, I became completely unhinged. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried and now I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop.
The door opened slowly and Rachael stepped in. I lifted my eyes from her feet to her mascara-streaked face. “Why are you doing this to us?” she whispered.
We stared at each other, miserable, desperate, and devastated.
“I need you to accept me for who I am now.” My voice was raw and ragged.
“You’re shutting me out. How can I accept something you won’t let
us
at all, is there?”
Merrick’s expression went blank, turned to stone. “You don’t know what it’s like.” He ran a hand down his face and began to pace. “I have a daughter who needs me.” He jolted to a halt and captured my eyes. “I can’t expect you to understand.”
My throat constricted in anger. “Because I don’t have kids? Because you’re the expert now?”
His forehead creased, brows knit. “I don’t claim to be an expert, but I never felt this way before I knew I was a father.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “They’re a part of me. I won’t turn my back on them.”
“I never asked you to.”
The set, determined look in his eyes frightened me. “Don’t ever make me choose.”
His words struck me so hard, I stumbled backward. He caught me by the arm. The world spun around me, all grapevines, sunlight, and bright blue sky—an absolute contradiction to the bleak blackness overtaking me.
He wouldn’t choose me. I would forever be relegated to third best in his life. I’d either accept it, or… or it was over.
Eleven
Merrick
S he pulled her arm from my grasp and strode away from me.
I let her go.
I should’ve never said that.
There was nothing I wanted more than to go to her and take every word back. But I couldn’t. No matter how much I loved her—because I loved her—I needed her to understand my life now. I was a father. I had responsibility and I would never turn away from one of my kids asking for my help, even Nadia.
The justification didn’t keep my gut from feeling like it was being torn out and my chest from being ripped open.
With my head so full of churning thoughts, it might have taken fifteen minutes or fifteen hours to get back to the inn.
I’d known all along, my happiness was fleeting. Like holding water in my hand, it slipped through my fingers.
The pain was like nothing I’d ever experienced. Emotional torture. My throat was thick and ached with unshed tears, my chest heavy, my lungs struggling to take in air.Why couldn’t she understand what I felt? How much I had to make up for with MJ and Nadia.
No, MJ wasn’t the issue. Rachael loved MJ. It was Nadia she didn’t like or trust.
Hell, I wasn’t sure I trusted her either, but as her father, it wasn’t really an option to turn away. I’d never do that.
Jesus, what was I supposed to do? Never in a million years would I have thought this would come between me and Rachael.
Stepping inside the patio doors and ambling to the front of the inn, I spotted Paul, the young man who had taken our bags to our room, sitting at a small desk beside the front door. He glanced up as I stopped in front of him. “The woman I’m with,” I said, “did she come inside?”
“Non.”
Paul studied my face. I knew I couldn’t hide my complete anguish.
I nodded, unable to speak. Upstairs, I opened the door to our room. I sank down on the foot of the bed and let my head fall into my hands.
My Rachael… would she be mine much longer? Could she accept me as a father, or would this be the end of us?
The idea of losing her struck me like a hammer blow to the heart.
What if I never slid that ring on her finger? Never saw her walking toward me down the aisle? Never celebrated an anniversary, a childbirth, even a Christmas?
The nevers were endless. I couldn’t let this happen to us.
At the foreign sensation of warm, wet tears slipping down my cheeks, I became completely unhinged. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried and now I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop.
The door opened slowly and Rachael stepped in. I lifted my eyes from her feet to her mascara-streaked face. “Why are you doing this to us?” she whispered.
We stared at each other, miserable, desperate, and devastated.
“I need you to accept me for who I am now.” My voice was raw and ragged.
“You’re shutting me out. How can I accept something you won’t let
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