about.
Especially people who died from unnatural causes. I had even cried when my best friend, Rhoda Nelson, killed old Mr. Boatwright and that sucker had raped me. Thinking about Rhoda made a huge lump form in my throat. The lump would have been even larger if I’d known then that Rhoda was in the process of returning to my life to wreak more havoc.
“Are you all right?” I asked, touching Lillimae’s shoulder.
She nodded. “I am now.” She didn’t look at me as she continued speaking in a steely voice. “Mama didn’t even look like herself. She 46
Mar y Monroe
looked like a dried-up old prune. Her skin was all pasty and pale. Her neck got broke in the car crash so her face looked lopsided. They said the car looked like a train had slammed into it. The drunk that broad-sided her car walked away with nothin’ but a few scratches and a few cracked bones. Him bein’ Black made it even worse. Roxanne’s husband was mumblin’ all kinds of racist shit about goin’ after that drunk. Right there in the church with Reverend Spool just a foot away! Motherfucker.”
I released a deep, painful sigh. My head felt so heavy I could barely move it, but I managed to shake it. “So the people in the church did talk to you,” I said, my hand still on Lillimae’s shoulder.
Lillimae shook her head so hard her teeth clicked. “Nobody said nothin’ to me. I didn’t get close enough to none of ’em for nobody to talk to me or hug up on me like they was doin’ one another. I didn’t want none of that evil racism to rub off on me,” Lillimae hissed. “I heard the folks in the pew in front of me talkin’. That’s how I know what I know. Then that cracker preacher was goin’ on and on about what a good Christian woman Mama had been and how much she had done for her family.” Lillimae let out a strange laugh. “Gnat butter! I had to hold myself back from jumpin’ up and tellin’ them devils all just how much she done for me ! No woman in her right mind would turn her back on her kids.” Finally, Lillimae turned to face me.
“Daddy done his job and hers because he loved his kids—”
I stared at the floor. My eyes started to burn and itch and I could feel bile rising in my throat.
“Shit.” Lillimae’s last comment flustered her more than it did me and she couldn’t hide it. She started blinking real hard and stroking my arm. “Now you know I didn’t mean nothin’ by that.” She rearranged herself on the couch and grabbed my wrist. “Daddy is a good man, Annette. I hope you know that now.”
I nodded. “I know that. I always did.” I sniffed and forced myself to keep a straight face. “Uh . . . how did you feel being there for the first time with the rest of your family?”
Lillimae turned away again. She blew her nose into her handkerchief with a honk so profound it seemed to bounce off of the wall. It took her a moment to compose herself. She started to talk with her eyes half closed and out of focus. “I couldn’t have felt more distant from them if I was on another planet. The other side of my family was right GOD STILL DON’T LIKE UGLY
47
there a few feet away from me, cryin’ and huggin’ one another. Both of my miserable sisters are pregnant and looked like they wanted to deliver right there in the church. I couldn’t comfort them and they couldn’t comfort me. The only thing separatin’ us was blood.”
“Black blood,” I reminded.
CHAPTER 13
The death of Lillimae’s mother had taken a toll on Lillimae. She stumbled around the house like somebody afflicted with polio, running into the living room wall a few times and accidentally stepping on the tail of that old cat from next door. For the rest of my visit there was a look of sadness in her eyes that found its way to me. All the mascara and Visine I used to try and brighten up my eyes didn’t help.
It seemed like every time some new sad thing happened in my life, I grieved for all the other sad things that I had already
Especially people who died from unnatural causes. I had even cried when my best friend, Rhoda Nelson, killed old Mr. Boatwright and that sucker had raped me. Thinking about Rhoda made a huge lump form in my throat. The lump would have been even larger if I’d known then that Rhoda was in the process of returning to my life to wreak more havoc.
“Are you all right?” I asked, touching Lillimae’s shoulder.
She nodded. “I am now.” She didn’t look at me as she continued speaking in a steely voice. “Mama didn’t even look like herself. She 46
Mar y Monroe
looked like a dried-up old prune. Her skin was all pasty and pale. Her neck got broke in the car crash so her face looked lopsided. They said the car looked like a train had slammed into it. The drunk that broad-sided her car walked away with nothin’ but a few scratches and a few cracked bones. Him bein’ Black made it even worse. Roxanne’s husband was mumblin’ all kinds of racist shit about goin’ after that drunk. Right there in the church with Reverend Spool just a foot away! Motherfucker.”
I released a deep, painful sigh. My head felt so heavy I could barely move it, but I managed to shake it. “So the people in the church did talk to you,” I said, my hand still on Lillimae’s shoulder.
Lillimae shook her head so hard her teeth clicked. “Nobody said nothin’ to me. I didn’t get close enough to none of ’em for nobody to talk to me or hug up on me like they was doin’ one another. I didn’t want none of that evil racism to rub off on me,” Lillimae hissed. “I heard the folks in the pew in front of me talkin’. That’s how I know what I know. Then that cracker preacher was goin’ on and on about what a good Christian woman Mama had been and how much she had done for her family.” Lillimae let out a strange laugh. “Gnat butter! I had to hold myself back from jumpin’ up and tellin’ them devils all just how much she done for me ! No woman in her right mind would turn her back on her kids.” Finally, Lillimae turned to face me.
“Daddy done his job and hers because he loved his kids—”
I stared at the floor. My eyes started to burn and itch and I could feel bile rising in my throat.
“Shit.” Lillimae’s last comment flustered her more than it did me and she couldn’t hide it. She started blinking real hard and stroking my arm. “Now you know I didn’t mean nothin’ by that.” She rearranged herself on the couch and grabbed my wrist. “Daddy is a good man, Annette. I hope you know that now.”
I nodded. “I know that. I always did.” I sniffed and forced myself to keep a straight face. “Uh . . . how did you feel being there for the first time with the rest of your family?”
Lillimae turned away again. She blew her nose into her handkerchief with a honk so profound it seemed to bounce off of the wall. It took her a moment to compose herself. She started to talk with her eyes half closed and out of focus. “I couldn’t have felt more distant from them if I was on another planet. The other side of my family was right GOD STILL DON’T LIKE UGLY
47
there a few feet away from me, cryin’ and huggin’ one another. Both of my miserable sisters are pregnant and looked like they wanted to deliver right there in the church. I couldn’t comfort them and they couldn’t comfort me. The only thing separatin’ us was blood.”
“Black blood,” I reminded.
CHAPTER 13
The death of Lillimae’s mother had taken a toll on Lillimae. She stumbled around the house like somebody afflicted with polio, running into the living room wall a few times and accidentally stepping on the tail of that old cat from next door. For the rest of my visit there was a look of sadness in her eyes that found its way to me. All the mascara and Visine I used to try and brighten up my eyes didn’t help.
It seemed like every time some new sad thing happened in my life, I grieved for all the other sad things that I had already
Similar Books
