AND
FALLS IN MUD PUDDLE, the screen printed.
And Grundy tripped and splatted into a puddle of mud that he was sure hadn't been there a moment before.
"That thing is changing reality!" Chester exclaimed.
"Everything it prints, happens!"
ARE YOU READY TO APOLOGIZE, WOODHEAD? the Screen
inquired as Grundy hauled himself out of the puddle.
"Grundy, I really think it would be better to—" Bink began.
"Apologize?" Grundy demanded furiously. "To a tin box with a dirty screen? What do you think I am?"
I THINK YOU ARE A LOUD-MOUTHED, SWELL-HEADED, SELF-IMPORTANT IGNORANT EXCUSE FOR A FACSIMILE OF
A LIVING CREATURE, the screen printed.
"Apt description," Chester muttered, thinking Grundy would not overhear.
Unfortunately, Grundy did overhear. His rage magni- fied. "And you're a glass-eyed, button-nosed excuse for dead garbage!" he yelled at the screen. "If you were alive, I'd challenge you to—^"
TO WHAT? the screen demanded.
"Grundy, I think we'd better not aggravate—" Bink murmured.
Grundy had broken off because he had been unable to think of anything horrendous enough. Bink's attempt to caution him only gave him evil inspiration.
"To prove you're smarter than I am.junk-for-brains!" he cried. "You just sit there doing nothing, trying to mess up those of us who have something important to do. How great does that make you?"
THAT IS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE, the Screen said.
LET ME CONSIDER IT. And the screen dimmed, while the word CONSIDERING appeared faintly.
"The golem didn't mean it," Bink said quickly. "We don't need to challenge you. We came in here by acci- dent."
The screen brightened. YOU CAME IN HERE BECAUSE
THE INVISIBLE GIANT HERDED YOU HERE, it printed. At
the top of the screen the word CONSIDERING remained in smaller print; evidently it was able to converse while con- sidering.
Now Bink was interested. "You wanted us to come here? What are you?"
THAT is NOT IMPORTANT, the Com-Pewter printed.
"Why certainly it is," Bink persisted. "If we are to engage in a challenge with you, we have a right to know what you are and how you operate."
THAT DOES NOT CALCULATE, the screen protested.
"Yes it does," Bink said. "We may have no quarrel with you at all. We have to know you better to ascertain this."
The screen blinked. Evidently it was having trouble concentrating on Bink's point while also CONSIDERING Grundy's challenge. Its metallic mind was divided, and therefore less efficient. Bink evidently understood this, and was taking advantage of it. Grundy realized this, and decided that it was better to leave this in Bink's hands. The old man was not entirely stupid.
"Exactly how did you manage to get us here, if you can't leave this cave?" Bink asked.
The screen hesitated, then printed: i ARRANGED TO
PLACE A D-TOUR ILLUSION ON THE ENCHANTED PATH, TO DIVERT TRAVELERS HERE. ONCE SECURELY COMMITTED TO D-TOUR, THEY WERE TO BE HERDED HERE BY THE INVIS- IBLE GIANT.
Grundy slapped his forehead with the heel of a hand. They had fallen for an illusion! There was no true detour!
"And why did you want to bring travelers here?" Bink asked.
Again the screen hesitated, as if the machine did not really want to answer, but remained confused by the split thinking effort, i AM CONFINED TO THIS AIR-CONDITIONED
CAVE. IT GETS BORING. IT IS INTERESTING TO PLAY WITH INDEPENDENT ENTITIES.
So there was the motive. The Pewter was looking for
entertainment, and they were it. That pleased Grundy no
more than the rest of the situation did.
"You can't act directly, beyond this cave?" Bink asked. Again the hesitation, i CAN NOT. i HAVE NO POWER OF
PERSONAL MOTION, AND THE EXTERNAL EXTREMES OF TEMPERATURE AND HUMIDITY WOULD DAMAGE MY CIR- CUITS. I MUST ACT THROUGH OTHERS, OUTSIDE.
"But inside this cave, you control reality?" Bink asked.
I CAN REWRITE THE SCRIPT HERE, it agreed.
"How did you come to have such fantastic power?" Bink asked.
I WAS MADE BY THE MUSES OF PARNASSUS TO ASSIST
THEIR WORK, the screen printed
FALLS IN MUD PUDDLE, the screen printed.
And Grundy tripped and splatted into a puddle of mud that he was sure hadn't been there a moment before.
"That thing is changing reality!" Chester exclaimed.
"Everything it prints, happens!"
ARE YOU READY TO APOLOGIZE, WOODHEAD? the Screen
inquired as Grundy hauled himself out of the puddle.
"Grundy, I really think it would be better to—" Bink began.
"Apologize?" Grundy demanded furiously. "To a tin box with a dirty screen? What do you think I am?"
I THINK YOU ARE A LOUD-MOUTHED, SWELL-HEADED, SELF-IMPORTANT IGNORANT EXCUSE FOR A FACSIMILE OF
A LIVING CREATURE, the screen printed.
"Apt description," Chester muttered, thinking Grundy would not overhear.
Unfortunately, Grundy did overhear. His rage magni- fied. "And you're a glass-eyed, button-nosed excuse for dead garbage!" he yelled at the screen. "If you were alive, I'd challenge you to—^"
TO WHAT? the screen demanded.
"Grundy, I think we'd better not aggravate—" Bink murmured.
Grundy had broken off because he had been unable to think of anything horrendous enough. Bink's attempt to caution him only gave him evil inspiration.
"To prove you're smarter than I am.junk-for-brains!" he cried. "You just sit there doing nothing, trying to mess up those of us who have something important to do. How great does that make you?"
THAT IS AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE, the Screen said.
LET ME CONSIDER IT. And the screen dimmed, while the word CONSIDERING appeared faintly.
"The golem didn't mean it," Bink said quickly. "We don't need to challenge you. We came in here by acci- dent."
The screen brightened. YOU CAME IN HERE BECAUSE
THE INVISIBLE GIANT HERDED YOU HERE, it printed. At
the top of the screen the word CONSIDERING remained in smaller print; evidently it was able to converse while con- sidering.
Now Bink was interested. "You wanted us to come here? What are you?"
THAT is NOT IMPORTANT, the Com-Pewter printed.
"Why certainly it is," Bink persisted. "If we are to engage in a challenge with you, we have a right to know what you are and how you operate."
THAT DOES NOT CALCULATE, the screen protested.
"Yes it does," Bink said. "We may have no quarrel with you at all. We have to know you better to ascertain this."
The screen blinked. Evidently it was having trouble concentrating on Bink's point while also CONSIDERING Grundy's challenge. Its metallic mind was divided, and therefore less efficient. Bink evidently understood this, and was taking advantage of it. Grundy realized this, and decided that it was better to leave this in Bink's hands. The old man was not entirely stupid.
"Exactly how did you manage to get us here, if you can't leave this cave?" Bink asked.
The screen hesitated, then printed: i ARRANGED TO
PLACE A D-TOUR ILLUSION ON THE ENCHANTED PATH, TO DIVERT TRAVELERS HERE. ONCE SECURELY COMMITTED TO D-TOUR, THEY WERE TO BE HERDED HERE BY THE INVIS- IBLE GIANT.
Grundy slapped his forehead with the heel of a hand. They had fallen for an illusion! There was no true detour!
"And why did you want to bring travelers here?" Bink asked.
Again the screen hesitated, as if the machine did not really want to answer, but remained confused by the split thinking effort, i AM CONFINED TO THIS AIR-CONDITIONED
CAVE. IT GETS BORING. IT IS INTERESTING TO PLAY WITH INDEPENDENT ENTITIES.
So there was the motive. The Pewter was looking for
entertainment, and they were it. That pleased Grundy no
more than the rest of the situation did.
"You can't act directly, beyond this cave?" Bink asked. Again the hesitation, i CAN NOT. i HAVE NO POWER OF
PERSONAL MOTION, AND THE EXTERNAL EXTREMES OF TEMPERATURE AND HUMIDITY WOULD DAMAGE MY CIR- CUITS. I MUST ACT THROUGH OTHERS, OUTSIDE.
"But inside this cave, you control reality?" Bink asked.
I CAN REWRITE THE SCRIPT HERE, it agreed.
"How did you come to have such fantastic power?" Bink asked.
I WAS MADE BY THE MUSES OF PARNASSUS TO ASSIST
THEIR WORK, the screen printed
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