a way, she guessed that maybe hers did. Or possibly others in Lucas’s family. The dedication he was throwing into his work warmed her heart, but she couldn’t help wishing he would turn those intense, dark eyes to her every once in a while.
Her chair felt like it was a million miles away, even though, physically, Lucas was only a dozen feet from her. But he had made it abundantly clear that their first night together was supposed to be their last. Still, she hadn’t given up hope of changing his mind. Thoughts of last night still sent shivers of pleasure racing down between her legs, but more than she needed mind-bending sex, she needed him to open up about his past. He’d only given her hints, but she knew that it was preventing them from being together the way they should. His past was keeping her from belonging to him in the present, the way her wolf wanted.
The way she wanted.
Strangely enough, she’d felt the pull of that belonging when she had met Lucas’s father, the senior Mr. Sparks. The way he smiled at her was something she’d never experienced before—it was like a gentle love, not sexual, but powerful and caring nonetheless. Like she was something worth treasuring and protecting. She guessed this was how daughters felt when they actually had fathers.
It dredged up a nameless ache inside her: how different would her life have been if her father had stuck around? If he’d provided a pack for her to grow up in? She could have learned all the things a young female shifter needed to know. She could have embraced who she was instead of hiding it. She would have belonged . The ache grew into a stabbing pain, like she had just discovered something broken inside her that she had never known existed.
She gasped in a breath involuntarily, then drew it deeper on purpose and let it out, breathing through the pain. No wonder that craving to belong had been working her so hard and so persistently.
“Are you all right?” Lucas’s voice was gentle, but pointed. Like he thought she was having a heart attack or something.
But it was only a heart break. From something that happened a long time ago.
She met his concerned gaze across the span of feet separating them. “Yeah, I…” She swallowed. “I just realized that…” Could she tell him? No… it felt too raw to share. “I was just thinking how nice it must have been to be raised in a pack. With other shifters who understood you. Loved you.”
He frowned and glanced at the papers and computer in his lap, as if he was wondering the relevance of that thought to what they were working on.
She let out a small laugh. “Not that I really know anything about being in a pack. Or being a shifter, for that matter.” She waited for his gaze to meet hers again. “Or having a mate.”
With that, his face sank into a scowl. But he folded up his laptop and set it aside. “What do you want to know?”
She tried to hold in her surprise, but she mirrored him by closing her laptop and setting it on top of her stack of papers. She wanted to leave her circular chair-island and sit by him on the couch, but she sensed that would be invading his carefully constructed territory of business surrounding and isolating him. Instead, she folded up her legs and tucked them underneath her.
He was watching her every move.
“What does it mean to have a mate?” she asked.
He sighed and looked away. Her heart lurched and then pounded erratically. She’d pushed too hard, jumping right to the heart of it. But she held her breath and waited, hoping. After a long moment, he pushed away the remaining papers surrounding him and turned to face her. He laced his hands, propped his elbows on his knees, and took a long moment before he looked her in the eyes.
“Being wolf means you have certain… desires, certain bonds, that humans do not.” He paused, like he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to go any further. But then he took a breath and pressed on. “It’s like the submission we
Her chair felt like it was a million miles away, even though, physically, Lucas was only a dozen feet from her. But he had made it abundantly clear that their first night together was supposed to be their last. Still, she hadn’t given up hope of changing his mind. Thoughts of last night still sent shivers of pleasure racing down between her legs, but more than she needed mind-bending sex, she needed him to open up about his past. He’d only given her hints, but she knew that it was preventing them from being together the way they should. His past was keeping her from belonging to him in the present, the way her wolf wanted.
The way she wanted.
Strangely enough, she’d felt the pull of that belonging when she had met Lucas’s father, the senior Mr. Sparks. The way he smiled at her was something she’d never experienced before—it was like a gentle love, not sexual, but powerful and caring nonetheless. Like she was something worth treasuring and protecting. She guessed this was how daughters felt when they actually had fathers.
It dredged up a nameless ache inside her: how different would her life have been if her father had stuck around? If he’d provided a pack for her to grow up in? She could have learned all the things a young female shifter needed to know. She could have embraced who she was instead of hiding it. She would have belonged . The ache grew into a stabbing pain, like she had just discovered something broken inside her that she had never known existed.
She gasped in a breath involuntarily, then drew it deeper on purpose and let it out, breathing through the pain. No wonder that craving to belong had been working her so hard and so persistently.
“Are you all right?” Lucas’s voice was gentle, but pointed. Like he thought she was having a heart attack or something.
But it was only a heart break. From something that happened a long time ago.
She met his concerned gaze across the span of feet separating them. “Yeah, I…” She swallowed. “I just realized that…” Could she tell him? No… it felt too raw to share. “I was just thinking how nice it must have been to be raised in a pack. With other shifters who understood you. Loved you.”
He frowned and glanced at the papers and computer in his lap, as if he was wondering the relevance of that thought to what they were working on.
She let out a small laugh. “Not that I really know anything about being in a pack. Or being a shifter, for that matter.” She waited for his gaze to meet hers again. “Or having a mate.”
With that, his face sank into a scowl. But he folded up his laptop and set it aside. “What do you want to know?”
She tried to hold in her surprise, but she mirrored him by closing her laptop and setting it on top of her stack of papers. She wanted to leave her circular chair-island and sit by him on the couch, but she sensed that would be invading his carefully constructed territory of business surrounding and isolating him. Instead, she folded up her legs and tucked them underneath her.
He was watching her every move.
“What does it mean to have a mate?” she asked.
He sighed and looked away. Her heart lurched and then pounded erratically. She’d pushed too hard, jumping right to the heart of it. But she held her breath and waited, hoping. After a long moment, he pushed away the remaining papers surrounding him and turned to face her. He laced his hands, propped his elbows on his knees, and took a long moment before he looked her in the eyes.
“Being wolf means you have certain… desires, certain bonds, that humans do not.” He paused, like he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to go any further. But then he took a breath and pressed on. “It’s like the submission we
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