Guardian by Dan Gleed

of her soul, that a powerful bond was being forged. As though something or someone was revealing the future, briefly drawing aside a curtain veiling the womb of time. For better or worse, she had apparently felt bound to me from that moment. In her eyes I had become a strangely exciting young man whose presence, unexpectedly, had generated neither fear nor surprise, only elation that rose in smooth, fulfilling waves to anchor her heart in a certainty she could not deny. So intense had been the experience, she had been sure I must have sensed it too. But of course, I’d said nothing and the mystifying encounter with Love (she could only describe the experience with a capital ‘L’) had burned itself indelibly into her mind. Though she had failed to appreciate it at the time, that moment had forged a lifeline into her soul, a certainty to which she would return again and again in the dark days ahead.

    * * *

    Her father’s voice calling from the veranda cut through her musing.
    â€œRoz, it’s the phone; Paul’s Mum for you.” She could tell by the puzzlement in his voice he was as perplexed as she was by this early-morning call. What on earth could be so pressing?
    â€œRoz, it’s me, Lynn Moncton. I’m sorry to bother you, but have you seen Paul? He’s not here and I’m worried about him.” It hardly seemed worth pointing out that it was barely sun-up and, in any case, Roz had caught the suppressed edge of panic in Lynn’s voice.
    â€œHaven’t seen him since I left you yesterday, Mrs Moncton.”
    â€œWell, he’s gone and oh, Roz, he’s left a note saying we mustn’t try to look for him.” Lynn couldn’t quite bring herself to spell out the details, but even she realised the rising note in her voice was betraying any hope of keeping a lid on the real truth.
    â€œWhy wouldn’t Paul want you to find him?”
    The question hung in the air and the silence drew out until it was impossible for Lynn to deny her fears. It came out with a rush. “Paul left a note saying he was going to end it all and join Matt and the van’s gone and I – ”. Her voice dropped to a sobbing whisper as Roz stood utterly still, the phone slipping from her suddenly lifeless fingers and her mind screaming dissent. “
No! No! No!”
– over and over again.
    Ted, curious, had not gone far and, hearing the thud as the phone hit the table, stepped around the door, just in time to see his daughter crumple forwards to the floor, hands clasped on either side of her head, body rocking backwards and forwards on her knees as she retreated into some overwhelming private grief.
    â€œRoz, what is it? Tell me;” he demanded in alarm. Reaching out quickly, he wrapped his arms around her but let her weep, holding her while the storm of tears slowly abated.
    â€œDad,” she eventually whispered. “Dad, Lynn says Paul’s gone, that he left a suicide note and oh, Dad –.” Her voice broke and the tears began to flow as Ted scooped up the phone and held it to his ear.
    â€œLynn, are you there? Is this true, is Paul, er, dead?” He listened as Lynn haltingly told him what she knew, before slowly placing the phone back in its cradle. Still holding Roz, his mind racing, Ted brooded over how to get her through the agony tearing at her heart, knowing she had already experienced so much disappointment over the past few months. He knew Roz was a fighter, but this could well be a step too far. He had already guessed something of her true feelings towards Paul. And now this. Carefully, he picked her up, letting her cling to him while he carried her through to the bedroom, where Vera was just beginning to wish she hadn’t woken up.

Chapter 11

    But I was very much alive, or at least, up to that precise moment I was. Whether that was going to last I wasn’t sure. The world had contracted down to a thudding pain between my eyes,