Has to Be Love by Jolene Perry

remember Mr. Kennedy called this little chat, so he can figure out what to say.
    â€œAbout the production.” I swear it’s almost as painful for him to talk as it is for me right now. “Can you look down this list and tell me if I’ve got it right? Or if another time is better, we can talk later.”
    He clears his throat as he turns his clipboard for me to see, and his eyes get stuck for just a moment too long on the right side of my face. My stomach twists again, and I look at the clipboard because it is infinitely safer than his stare.
    I get that this is weird of me, but I’m not sure the best way to go about talking to you or apologizing. I’m sorry about the other night in the barn after dinner. Things were awkward. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked about your scars. I’m sure I shouldn’t have touched your face. I’m sorry. I really want us to get along, and I need for things to not be weird because Ms. Bellings said to rely on you. And because I don’t want to offend your dad by offending you. Can the awkwardness fall behind us? Because there’s no way things aren’t weird right now.
    Heat rushes up my neck because I’m probably acting juvenile or something about that very brief situation in the barn.
    â€œI just want to get along. Okay?” he asks quietly.
    â€œThat all looks fine.” I slide back and manage not to look at him, and I readjust my books and manage not to look at him, and I stand up and manage not to look at him, but then our eyes meet, and I think we’re both stuck in the moment. Not only that, but I almost feel on equal footing with this teacher who goes to my university and who wants us to get along. Are we … friends? Do I have a friend in New York? That adventure feels closer again, and I’m not ready for it to feel closer. The only reason I applied a year early was just to see … I didn’t want extra decisions.
    A corner of his mouth quirks up in a partial smile.
    In this second my world gets bigger and makes me feel smaller, and my heart races because when I start to feel how big the world is, and how many people are out there and how many places there are to see, half of me is thrilled and the other half begs to shut it out. Why did I have to meet Rhodes now? The guy who wants to travel the world and goes to my school?
    â€œSo, we good?” he asks, his voice sounding more hopeful and back to normal volume.
    He’s serious. He actually cares about what I think. My chest does that swelling thing again. Pride? Happiness? “Yeah.” My mouth is pulling into a smile, and I don’t remember willing that to happen. “We’re good.”
    â€œOkay then.” He lets out a breath, and shuffles the papers, but we’re each still looking at the other. “Sorry if this is weird timing.”
    â€œIt’s fine.” Oh crap. Elias is waiting. “See ya,” I say before spinning on my heel and walking out of the classroom.
    I suck in a breath, but I still feel weird over … whatever that just was.
    â€œHey.” Elias slides his arm around my waist as soon as I step out of the room, and now the written note makes even more sense. Mr. Kennedy knew we’d be eavesdropped on, and I should have known too. But was it that big of a deal? Why didn’t he just wait until the next dinner? Or pull me aside after school? Maybe the weirdness really was bothering him.
    â€œSo?” Elias asks.
    I swallow the lump in my throat and stare at the floor, knowing I’m about to lie. “About play stuff.”
    â€œOh.” He gives me a squeeze. “That’s all? I feel like …” He trails off.
    Like what? I nearly ask but don’t because I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear his question.
    â€œI feel like he looks at you a lot, or …”
    I try to shrug, but I think my body just jerks weird. One conversation with a student-teacher